Kimera wrote:spirits wrote:You say I'm misinformed, but not how.
I have indeed said "how". You are an absolute ninja at cherry-picking what you want to hear.
Let's try this a different way....you are viewing the relationship with a pwNPD as "there is one person who exploits, and there is one person who gets exploited".
But it's not that simple. There are deep needs, some known and some latent, and effort to fill those needs by both parties in a relationship. The person you think is getting exploited is looking to the pwNPD to fill a need they have. Perhaps they crave the attention being showered on them, or they enjoy being around someone charismatic and attractive. But at some point it ends, and the thing they so desperately craved evaporates. They're hurt, angry and feel exploited.
I recently posted this Ted Talk link in another thread, but I'll re-post it here because it's relevant to the discussion.
https://www.ted.com/talks/pamela_meyer_ ... pot_a_liar
"At some point if you got lied to, it's because you agreed to get lied to"
In that case you have to direct me to the part of your response where you explain ”how”, because I genuinely have a hard time finding it. You say about what, that is, my views on NPD, but not in what way my views are faulty.
I'm sure those cases exist, but those exist between non's too, and then it's called "my partner left me, I'm hurt, angry and desperate", not abuse, since it often (I stress often), does not involve manipulation, devaluation, gaslighting, abuse, trickery, and if the person is mature enough they will take responsibility for ending the relationship with the common decency of a conversation, at least. Handing out the silent treatment for example could be deemed innocuous, but under certain conditions it would fall under the category emotional abuse.
Excerpts from this blog post http://www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/
The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.
Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, ‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’
Generally, it’s called on as the weapon of choice because it’s powerful and it’s easy to get away with. There is nothing subtle about a physical or verbal lashing, but an accusation of the silent treatment, ‘Are you ignoring me?’ can easily be denied. Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but it’s not. It’s a way to inflict pain but without the physical marks.
IMO you are being exploited by default if someone tricks you into thinking they love you and then go ahead and treat you like crap and/or abuse you (emotionally, mentally, physically).
I will take a look at the TED talk and give my comment on it. Just not right this second, because I'm too tired. But it sounds interesting.
-- Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:43 am --
TheCastleOf wrote:You can be a victim without having a victim mentality. You can also have a victim mentality while being NPD and being in fact the victim of someone else.
There is no such rule as having a victim mentality means you're no victim. Reciprocally, some victims never complain.
If this would be Facebook I'd like this a million times (no, I wouldn't because you can't do that on Facebook, but I'd give it a shot at least).