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Narcissism and Identity

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Narcissism and Identity

Postby mark1958 » Wed May 17, 2017 10:47 am

I appreciate your responses. I am intrigued by the connection between identity and Narcissism and how that is viewed based on your inner experience.

We have had posters here before whose Narcissism was solely based, in their words, on their physical appeal. Therefore when a person ages and loses that, what happens? I realize that Narcissism itself, based in a pathological sense, can be a false construct. But it is also quite necessary for healthy functioning.

Now, this will be a thread hijack, but from the case studies I have researched, people who might be considered Narcissistic generally present for therapy due to a lack of contentment, emotional/mental well being with life in general.

In life there are certain domains. They are:

Physical appeal and sexuality
Marriage and family
Career achievements and making your mark
Wealth accumulation
Leadership/power
Creative pursuits

A non-disorderd person will move through these various domains naturally due to the aging process. This does not mean significant achievement is secured via all of these. But one does transition through them. And one only fears aging when there is a perceived "lack" or regrets in those particular domains that are of the highest priority. In others words, viewed as a failure.

I am curious how adaptable Narcissism is regarding these issues. When one gets older and is no longer physically appealing, can one channel into another domain? Or does this lead to other problems, i.e. depression etc.
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Narcissism and Identity

Postby Kimera » Wed May 17, 2017 11:25 am

Your post really strikes a chord with me, Mark.

It's a discussion I've been having with my therapist. I look into the future and I can foresee that the two things that have been "propping me up" so to speak will fade away -- my looks and my career achievements. It's a destructive and dismal picture --- and it leads me to a dark place when I think about it too much.

My therapist and I are in disagreement about how to prepare for it. I think I need to develop another pillar that will take me into old age. He thinks I need to find my true self.
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Narcissism and Identity

Postby mark1958 » Wed May 17, 2017 12:25 pm

I created a new thread and moved a few posts here to start. I would appreciate any and all responses. Thanks
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Re: Narcissism and Identity

Postby julllia » Wed May 17, 2017 1:13 pm

i have problems understanding identity in general. why do they say bpd doesn't have one but npd has one.
is it in npd about delusional power.that you are going to achieve. you believe you are someone special and entitled to gain power.
i do not understand identity.is identity who are you married to and if you have children or your job. bleh.i do not like that.what if you hate your job.you are what you hate
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Re: Narcissism and Identity

Postby xlostintranslationx » Wed May 17, 2017 1:29 pm

^ I don't think there's really any such thing as identity (in a way. I'm speaking kinda philosophically I guess). It's more an illusion or what people make it obviously. So in that sense of course it does exist.

I don't want an identity really. I want to be formless. Then I can be anything I want. At the same time I do want to construct an identity which is as close to my idea of perfection as possible. But I guess it's more of an image than an identity because maybe I'd still feel trapped by it if I wasn't still formless at my core.

So I'd want both in a way. Have an identity or rather image which I can construct and put on when I want but remain not tied to an identity too much at the same time and adaptable. Or rather maybe not having a self and formlessness is just who I am anyway so I can't change it. But that's how I like to be anyway basically or at least in a sense. I do try to construct my image and how I act/who I am though. It's very important to me. But it's difficult for me. It's like what I was saying in another thread about copying others/characters who I admire to try and construct my identity.
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Re: Narcissism and Identity

Postby julllia » Wed May 17, 2017 1:33 pm

to add i think my father was like that.even when he had nothing it didn’t change anything.he said he would get it in the future.he gain he lost on repeat.
when he was in jail he was sure he would get out somehow.i do not know if he got depresed at somepoint ot kept the delusional hopes and dreams.i stoped believing his delusions ,maybe he got depressed but i wasn’t there ro know
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Re: Narcissism and Identity

Postby Akuma » Wed May 17, 2017 1:51 pm

A non-disorderd person will move through these various domains naturally due to the aging process. This does not mean significant achievement is secured via all of these. But one does transition through them. And one only fears aging when there is a perceived "lack" or regrets in those particular domains that are of the highest priority. In others words, viewed as a failure


I wonder if that is really so. To me this sounds like wishful thinking. People fear aging because they realize the limitation of their existence, because they fear suffering and because they fear annihilation and non-being.
And a big part that those domains play is taking peoples mind off the fact that existence itself is a meaningless void that we fill with the dynamics between desiring and getting or not-getting objects.
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Re: Narcissism and Identity

Postby julllia » Wed May 17, 2017 1:57 pm

my father when he would lose everything he would blameshift and say things like the next time i would be rich.i am thinking of a scam that would make me the richest guy for exiample and imagining his life.he didn’t save.spent everything nor have a normal person plan.but one plan with risk.
and he could convince anyone to believe him at first.until he hurt them.
i do not think mark you can understand the crazyness completely.that is delusions in a way,not sense of reality
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Re: Narcissism and Identity

Postby xlostintranslationx » Wed May 17, 2017 2:18 pm

I only fear aging because of my looks. And also I wouldn't want to be incapacitated but I'd kill my self before that happened anyway.

A lot of people fear death rather than or as well as aging. Which makes no sense (unless you believe in an afterlife and think it won't be good I guess. But I don't believe in that). People fear aging for different reasons, obviously. Probably one of them (for 'normal' people at least) is simply being alone and that their life will be miserable then. I think most people fear losing their capacities which does make sense. That's just practical. Of course there could be some varied 'deeper' meanings attached to that too but who would want to be incapacitated and deteriorate whether you really fear it or not.


julllia wrote:to add i think my father was like that.even when he had nothing it didn’t change anything.he said he would get it in the future.he gain he lost on repeat.
when he was in jail he was sure he would get out somehow.i do not know if he got depresed at somepoint ot kept the delusional hopes and dreams.i stoped believing his delusions ,maybe he got depressed but i wasn’t there ro know


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Re: Narcissism and Identity

Postby julllia » Wed May 17, 2017 2:27 pm

from what i wrote above.not your message.sorry i know i write confusing often.
the craziness of my father was very intriquing,painful i guess for me and even very difficult to understand.i grew up thinking is normal,now i doubt it.
i learn a lot from other people’s posts .
my aunt was different .she is more posible to be similar with people here. she had the everyone admires me way of thinking but i also saw her depressed.or realizing reality
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