Codependency vs Narcissism

narc_magnet wrote:Are they different?

In my non expert opinion, yes. Depending on severity of scale, both are personality mal-adaptations to environment (childhood). Nothing new there.

The difference is in the logic behind the mal-adaptation. What ego needs are being met? The co-dependent desperately seeks love and approval and will attach to people in a very enmeshed way. Covert Narcissism appears to seek relationships merely to assuage an internal conflict between expectations and reality. What is desired versus what is achieved. And the attachment to people is only as deep as their ability to reflect the desired image.

However, self-esteem deficits, in my opinion, are common to all personality mal-adaptations. So, in that they are similar.

mark1958 wrote:The difference is in the logic behind the mal-adaptation. What ego needs are being met? The co-dependent desperately seeks love and approval and will attach to people in a very enmeshed way. Covert Narcissism appears to seek relationships merely to assuage an internal conflict between expectations and reality. What is desired versus what is achieved. And the attachment to people is only as deep as their ability to reflect the desired image.

Ok, this is helpful. Thanks.

A lot of the "nons" who post here seeking advice on how to win back their pwNPD strike me as classicly codependent. They sound desperate and needy, and are convinced they can save or at least help their N.

When I first came to the forum I thought maybe I was codependent -- although I'm not needy, and independent / aloof almost to a fault (I've been described as untouchable lol), so the profile never really felt right.

I'm pretty convinced now that I'm a covert N. I'm in a relationship with an overt N, and the balance of power shifts every few months. He was initially way more into me and showered me with attention and affection -- which I adored. He saw me as unattainable, so winning me over is a boost to his ego. For my part, he possesses oodles of sparkly charm that I covet, so being with him boosts my ego. Highly symbiotic relationship. Problem is that once we win each other over the effect wears off -- so we keep this lovely tug of war going where one of us is backing away while the other is pursuing. Totally dysfunctional and the most exhilirating relationship I've ever been in.

how do you know you are not both though?
my problem is to understand as usually what is healthy behavior, because don’t all peope who are in love kind of act codependent?
because they seem they do at that stage.

I'm loving all of this discussion. Thank you to everyone weighing in.

Is it possible that a person with codependency can slide into becoming a covert narcissist? Something like how it's posited that a person with BPD can slide into NPD?

Do all roads lead to NPD?

julllia wrote:how do you know you are not both though?

Well, I guess I don't. But in general I'm not very accomodating and I don't concern myself with other people's needs and wants. No one would describe me as a people pleaser -- quite the opposite.

The overt N in my life is an exception -- I am more attuned to how he responds to me and I enjoy keeping him engaged. At times I will distance myself and be harder to reach -- making him a little crazy.

-- Sat Jan 07, 2017 12:58 pm --

whichway wrote:Is it possible that a person with codependency can slide into becoming a covert narcissist? Something like how it's posited that a person with BPD can slide into NPD?

I don't know. I always think of NPD has a response to prolonged child neglect / abuse rather than something that evolves over time -- but maybe there's different paths.

Isn't codependency just a set of adaptations to a dysfunctional family environment? Parents are dysfunctional in one way or another, there are dozens of ways a family could be dysfunctional. So one or more children attempt to become the peace makers so to speak and 'fix' the family in order to have some control over their environment? It could range from trying to comfort a crying mother to actually making food and cleaning the house for an alcoholic father.

People with PDs can be codependent, but so can people without.

Codependency is a form of narcissism. Codependent types extend as far as two thirds of the way along the Narcissistic Spectrum. The narcissistic saviour complex is the highest form of codependent behaviour. Codependency is the basis of Left Wing politics. Counter dependency is the basis of Right Wing politics.

MeAgain wrote:Codependency is a form of narcissism. Codependent types extend as far as two thirds of the way along the Narcissistic Spectrum. The narcissistic saviour complex is the highest form of codependent behaviour. Codependency is the basis of Left Wing politics. Counter dependency is the basis of Right Wing politics.

Perhaps, but I wouldn't go as far as saying codependency and NPD are the same thing, though.

America's queen Madonna singing about her codependency. She frequently talks about her inflated ego.

https://youtu.be/rSaC-YbSDpo

Britain's Queen is also a codependent of a similar type to Madonna. She frequently comes in for criticism for her lack of empathy.

This type of personality is common amongst female pop singers.

The way I saw it ,it was a form of narcissism because it enabled and supported the narcissistic behavior or abuse.not because they were npd themselves.although I believe you can be both because is not one sided in relationships the npd could be codependent too.
When a healthy person will not allow abuse by setting boundaries and conditions or helping you become healthy .a codependent will do nothing to stop the sick behavior.more enable it instead.
And the worst part these people are more attracted to enabling behaviors and push away the healthy.
Because of trauma you feel good or loved with someone that enables you and unloved with the healthy