Our partner

Ask an Empath

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: mark1958, Echinacea, realityhere

Re: Ask an Empath

Postby narc_magnet » Sat Jan 14, 2017 1:19 am

jrh592 wrote:Even my BPD GF tells me I split thinking things are always right or wrong. She tells me all the time... ITs not about right or wrong. Its about blah blah blah.

Omg I totally forgot until I read this. My ex husband used to tell me that for me it was all about winning the argument. He didn't like to argue with me for this reason. He said I went for the jugular and didn't care what it did to the other person as long as I proved my point.

I didn't take it seriously, what he said. I thought it was his way of wiggling out of being wrong.

:|
User avatar
narc_magnet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 432
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2016 12:50 am
Local time: Wed Sep 20, 2017 7:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Ask an Empath

Postby jrh592 » Sat Jan 14, 2017 4:55 pm

I thought BPDs are famous for splitting, it's interesting that she can spot it. :D


She use to split a lot. She use to see me in black and white but not anymore. At least she doesn't show it. Sometimes I wonder if she is TRULY BPD or if she was just showing the symptoms because of everything I did to her. Maybe she was a normal codependent that just couldn't handle me anymore and blew up. Either that or she has just gotten a lot better and lost most of the signs of BPD. She is more paranoid now than anything.
NPD
User avatar
jrh592
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 416
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 6:24 pm
Local time: Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Ask an Empath

Postby octopuslol » Sat Jan 14, 2017 4:57 pm

When the DSM uses "empathy", well most people really, it's referring to I guess what we could call "empathic concern". Compassion, 'feeling bad' for another person, wanting to alleviate their suffering, that kind of thing. But many people with NPD have at least somewhat intact cognitive empathy, they may tell you're upset and why, but the 'care' part on an emotional level seems to be missing.

Perhaps an update is in order in the DSM V TR, if NPD is even in there at that point?

whichway wrote:I know the term of HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) is being researched but does not currently have enough data to back up its existence. The theory is that a HSP has a trait that 20% of people have. I haven't seen any science to confirm this. If this is indeed some sort of trait perhaps it falls somewhere in line with extraversion?


You're right that the concept of "empath" hasn't been scientifically validated. It's sort of like codependency, many people have various ideas of what being an "empath" constitutes. It's also used by many self-aware people with ASPD or NPD to describe nons with intact empathic concern.

However, the HSP concept, which is called Sensory Processing Sensitivity, has been empirically validated. There is a lot of research on it, including brain scans, that show the brains of those who are Highly Sensitive are slightly different than those within the majority. OneRinger is right that there is a correlation with introversion, but not all sensitive people are introverts.

You mentioned something interesting about StPD. I read a study that stated that those higher on the schizotypy scale are more likely to 'feel' what another is 'feeling' on a physical scale. So if someone has a broken leg and cries in pain, the person may be able to feel pain in their leg as well. Interesting stuff.
User avatar
octopuslol
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 89
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2016 6:46 pm
Local time: Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Ask an Empath

Postby Shanzik » Sat Jan 14, 2017 5:02 pm

jrh592 wrote:
I thought BPDs are famous for splitting, it's interesting that she can spot it. :D


She use to split a lot. She use to see me in black and white but not anymore. At least she doesn't show it. Sometimes I wonder if she is TRULY BPD or if she was just showing the symptoms because of everything I did to her. Maybe she was a normal codependent that just couldn't handle me anymore and blew up. Either that or she has just gotten a lot better and lost most of the signs of BPD. She is more paranoid now than anything.



I don't think she's a regular non, because she's completely immune to all your manipulation. But it could also be that your mistreatmeant of her in the past triggered her BPD and made it worse, like a PTSP. I kind of feel like I developed that one as well, I'm tired of all of my N's bulls*it, my tolerance level dropped singificantly.

I was paranoid too, I was double-checking everything he does or says, how would you react if she completely stopped being paranoid? Would it make you go back to your old ways, would it irritate you because it means less attention or what?
Shanzik
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 316
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 9:02 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:40 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Ask an Empath

Postby jrh592 » Sat Jan 14, 2017 5:19 pm

I don't think she's a regular non, because she's completely immune to all your manipulation. But it could also be that your mistreatmeant of her in the past triggered her BPD and made it worse, like a PTSP. I kind of feel like I developed that one as well, I'm tired of all of my N's bulls*it, my tolerance level dropped singificantly.

I was paranoid too, I was double-checking everything he does or says, how would you react if she completely stopped being paranoid? Would it make you go back to your old ways, would it irritate you because it means less attention or what?


This is interesting. Yes I did some crappy things to her but I am not doing those things anymore. How were you paranoid? What did you do? So you didn't have BPD but you just had PTSD from the things he did?

Your question... that's so hard for me. I don't know. I would love to say I would be good. But I know deep inside of me there is something that use to be very messed up and if given the freedom to do what I want I might revert back. I know 100% if we break up I will revert back and maybe get worse. If she stops being paranoid I just cant say for sure. I think I have the motivation to keep me going. I want children. If I have a child and I start messing up again then that greatly increases the risk I will lose them. I could live with her leaving but not taking my kids. I have this intense urge to have at least one kid or two to carry on the next generation and I think that's the thing that will keep me motivated to make progress.
NPD
User avatar
jrh592
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 416
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 6:24 pm
Local time: Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Ask an Empath

Postby Shanzik » Sat Jan 14, 2017 6:02 pm

This is interesting. Yes I did some crappy things to her but I am not doing those things anymore. How were you paranoid? What did you do? So you didn't have BPD but you just had PTSD from the things he did?



Well I have a very strong intuition and when ever I'd sense something is wrong, I would make scenes and accuse him of lying/cheating/deceiving. What was stopping me from going BPD level paranoid was this feeling of dignity and pride, I felt like it was beneath me to, I dunno, break into his account or physically stalk him :mrgreen: , it was somehow insulting to me. But I was checking the time of his logs, deliberately called on his landline to check if he really is at home, facebook likes and comments, contacted other people to check if what he said was true, the timing of the arguments he would start and then analyzing the potential reasons behind it, basically analyzing everything he would say that somehow seemed off and like there's a hidden motive behind it, I wasn't really directly paranoid, and I now know I wasn't paranoid at all, I was mostly right, about everything. :) And what made me like this was definitely his behaviour, because I never acted like this before, in previous relatioships.


Your question... that's so hard for me. I don't know. I would love to say I would be good. But I know deep inside of me there is something that use to be very messed up and if given the freedom to do what I want I might revert back.


Yeah, this is exactly what I feel would happen if I stopped with the "accusations". He gets mad when I accuse him of lying and rages at me, he even told me my jealousy is destroying his picture of me because it's undignified, but he would most definitely misuse the given freedom, so we are bound to forever fight about it, it seems. :roll: But it's extremely tiring, always being on your guard and doubting. god.
Shanzik
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 316
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 9:02 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:40 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Ask an Empath

Postby jrh592 » Sat Jan 14, 2017 6:13 pm

Shanzik,
Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine but in reverse. Your level of control and paranoia mirror my GF so much its ridiculous. She also says she never acted like that before me. She says I do that to her. She says my anger about her questions make her more paranoid.

He gets mad when I accuse him of lying and rages at me, he even told me my jealousy is destroying his picture of me because it's undignified


I absolutely cant stand it. Just thinking about this makes my heart beat faster. I admit I lied about everything in the past but I am honest now and I expect to be treated with respect and trust. She says she cant. Its not so easy. I say if you cant trust me anymore then leave me alone and don't bother me with your insecurities but she wont. She wont just leave me alone.

Do you have an extreme fear of abandonment? Did you ever threaten suicide? My GF attempted suicide once and threatened 2 other times after a big fight and I tried to leave the house. The time she attempted suicide she found out I had been lying about something for 3 months that I promised to change but I did not. I just hid it better. That was a year ago though.
NPD
User avatar
jrh592
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 416
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 6:24 pm
Local time: Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:40 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Previous

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Doommahlaarol, Michael9457792, Punchbag, TheMaker and 143 guests

cron