Tapping Out

I've been trying to understand a possible NPD/BPD ex & I realize this is too much for me. I worked so hard to move on. I was doing so well, until he started cyber stalking me. I tried to ignore it, but it got to be too much. I felt like I was in the Truman Show. So I wrote a blog post how this made me feel, how it hurt me & how only I had the power to change it...by shutting it down. I understand that telling someone, "sh*t or get off the pot" isn't good for people with possible NPD/BPD, but I need to either move on with my life without him, or he needs to start talking & work on his issues.

Sometimes I feel like he won't let me move on, like he sees me as "his" and until he's ready, I should sit on a shelf and wait. Does that make sense? Either way, as much as I care, I need to tap out. I'm gutted because my writing project meant the whole world to me. I've run it for six years. It was popular. People liked it & it made me happy. But he'll lurk and stalk and creep as long as it's there. He hasn't checked it since I closed up shop, so maybe I deterred him enough that I can start writing again, but I doubt it.

Is this sort of fixation yet refusal to communicate common?

I'm not real savy about computer stuff but can you block this person or contact a mod or something?

pleasnpetrichor wrote:I'm not real savy about computer stuff but can you block this person or contact a mod or something?

I'd be the mod, as its my website, but I've blocked his IP before. He used proxy servers to keep creeping me.

I don't understand. It's like he's obsessed with knowing everything about me. But he won't talk to me. No matter what I do. I understand conflict isn't something he can do, so I stressed that I'm not mad anymore. I honestly have enjoyed my time alone & focusing on building my life and career. It's made me happy. But I care about him so when he lurks, I assume he wants to talk to me. So I reach out & get nothing. But I don't know how to reach someone who can't communicate with me but I can't wait on his shelf either. I'm too headstrong for that.

Is there any suggestions to get through to someone like this?

Editorgirl2617 wrote:I'd be the mod, as its my website, but I've blocked his IP before. He used proxy servers to keep creeping me.

That sucks. Like I said, I'm not computer savvy so I don't have much advice to give about that aspect. Are you sure it's him?

Is there any suggestions to get through to someone like this?

I doubt there's a way to get through. If he's not being disruptive, I'd be tempted to just ignore him or just keep banning his nicks.

You may be taking too much responsibility for his feelings and his well being upon yourself. You haven't done anything wrong and he's an adult who should be able to manage his hurt feelings. You aren't responsible for him, whatever mental illness or issues he may have.

I think you're allowing yourself to get sucked into his game and that seems like a shame.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

I know it's him. I have an IP tracker. He helped me install it. He knows I know.

Thanks for the advice. He's disrupted my life with this behaviour & this is how it starts, so I guess it'll have to go for a bit. At the end of the day, I have a life too & if he doesn't want to be in it, fine, but mine needs to keep going.

It strikes me that you might want to be a bit careful in real life too. Presumably this person knows where you live, work etc. and his behavior seems a little bizarre.

He's obsessed. This is beyond NPD hoovering or anything of the sort, he's flat out stalking you and he's probably dangerous. It's time to involve law enforcement.

Jasmer wrote:He's obsessed. This is beyond NPD hoovering or anything of the sort, he's flat out stalking you and he's probably dangerous. It's time to involve law enforcement.

I called. They told me this is a serious accusation & we can't just threaten a man's career or future because he's clearly a fan of my writing & I should be flattered. My city's police officers are Paul Blart Mall Cop I swear.

Editorgirl2617 wrote:I called.

When did you call?

editorgirl,

Don't let him run your life. His view is to "win" at all costs and he'll keep you on hold forever if you keep communication channels open to him.

Is it possible to start another blog on a new computer and use a fictional alias for author name? Write about things that are new to you and doesn't involve him? If your intention is to move on, then mean it and make a clean break.

And lose that IP tracker...he knows you're using it. Give your sanity a break.