Is there any way to refuse an invitation from a narricist

without offending him or ending the friendship? Especially if I don't have a valid excuse?

Why would you want a "friendship" like that ... where you can't just decline something without worry of offending and ending the friendship. This doesn't sound like something I would tolerate. I'd move along and find a better friend.

oh come on! you seriously paint us as some psychotic idiots here. I have no problem with accepting a polite 'no'. just make up some good, solid excuse.

http://www.wikihow.com/Reject-an-Invitation

The same way you politely decline an invitation from anybody else.

I can get kinda bummed out (I think anybody would) when several people decline and I really want to, say, have a dinner party and they just don't feel like it, have to work, etc and it just isn't going to pan out. I'm not going to end a friendship over it, things happen. If I'm looking forward to a friend going, and they just plain don't want to, I might feel kinda bummed out about it, but again, it's not like I'm going to not be your friend anymore or freak out and scream in your face.

Let me put it this way, we have a friend who constantly bails on us when we have plans, she always has some lame excuse. We're still friends with her, we just don't invite her if we think it's something she's going to flake out on.

brontec, I think this is a question you raised on prior posts, so I'm not sure if you feel prepared to actually refuse an invitation or you want to keep your interaction with a narcissist going.

Anyway, in my situation, I did not want to keep the interaction going AT ALL, BUT flat out rejection and offending the narcissist I know is too risky for reasons I won't go into. So, once I realized the 'friendship' was a REALLY bad idea because his behavior worsened/crossed lines/personal boundaries/was unhealthy, I began gradually distancing myself BUT very politely. He noticed a change and asked me about it, but I was careful in the words I chose, kept the daily conversations positive/upbeat, and gradually briefer and briefer. I did accept some invitations from him intermittently, but I gradually declined more and more. I provided some supply, but gradually tapered off. I still give a smile in his general direction, but have become pretty boring to him. These days he seems to be moving on to a more reliable source of supply, is pretty much ignoring me/approaching me less and less (almost like he's copying me), and I feel finally free from all the pathology that goes along with a personality-disordered person. So far there doesn't seem to be any signs that he is trashing me in our common circles, but I'll let you know if I hear of any. I have screen shots of his inappropriate texts to me and hope not to use them but will if I have to.

I don't know the type of narcissist you are dealing with but the one I know is a mixture of types, but seems mostly covert (not overt/bullying)/vulnerable/fragile/somatic and with some borderline personality traits (but I'm not diagnosing, just guessing from his behavior). So my goal is not to hurt his feelings but extricate myself as best I can. However, if you can just reject the invite and avoid all contact, I would do that, save yourself from this trouble and move on with your life. Hope this helps.

People who won't respect "no" or "not in the mood" or any variation are good for one use only: throwing out in the bag of trash. Don't allow your life to be ruled by boundary violators. A real or good friend will understand, narcissist or not.

brontec wrote:Especially if I don't have a valid excuse?

Make up an excuse. No one is going to question or give you a hard time if you claim to have explosive diarrhea at the last minute, for example. In fact an excuse like they will guarantee they wont even want you there. Win win.