Narcs and Long Distance

Hi,

So, I was wondering how a Narc 'copes' in a weekend only / long distance relationship? Do they cope better as they can keep up the 'mask' that they are normal easier and stay in the 'chase'/exciting phase longer? Or do they not cope as well as a normal relationship due to not being able to exert control/get their own way as much?

My ex (28) has got into a rebound (always within a week or 2) relationship (very surprising she is 'official') with a man she used to go to school with (she fancied him at school - there lies his value) but works away all week and is only home on a weekend. My ex has ALWAYS had trust issues, so it doesnt make sense to me that it will work in the long term. But obviously you just never know. Has anyone got any experience of a narc on a long distance relationship?

I was in an on and off relationship with a pwNPD for nearly four years. No, it doesn't work. The communication changes as interest wanes, which causes stress and argument. However, I wonder gender has anything to do with it. My experience comes from that of a woman dating a man with NPD, but it sounds like you're saying that your ex is a woman with NPD dating a man.

Hi,

4 years is quite sometime though. Thats a long term relationship. My ex's longest relationship was with me (on/off) for 4 years. Before me, I think 1 year. She gets bored very easily but has never had a long distance. I was wondering if it would speed up the narcs problems into the relationship or slow them down.

For me (a female narc), it is speeding up the problems. I don't feel I get sufficient adoration when I'm not with him and I am only with him on the weekend. So, all week, I am left starving for the adoration I need. I'm trying to hang in there because I like him and I hope that we can have a normal, non-narc behavior relationship, but it isn't easy. His lack of attention (from a narc's perspective) frustrates me. Still, at the same time, he's the only man I have found who WON'T give in to me like I want him to. I'm not sure if this relationship is doomed or not. I'm trying to push aside my narc needs a bit and behave myself. Impossible long term? I don't know.

HelloKitty - thanks for your reply.

As you are unable to get your claws into him, as it were, isn't this helping to prolong the outing of your narcissistic behaviour? Therefore helping the relationship last longer by not encountering problems?

My ex is in a new long distance relationship and I am confused as to whether the long distance will help them or hinder them. She likes to have them close when she wants, but I feel the distance is helping to prolong problems arising as she will be liking being taken out on a weekend, whilst she gets to rest and recuperate (let her hair down) during the week. This means she wont be displaying any narc behaviours.

She has so many problems I cannot believe they haven't encountered problems. She has trust issues - but has got social media official really quickly. She likes to be ignored one day but smothered another, so you never know where you stand. She likes it "rough" but then finds it offensive and degrading sometimes. Basically, you never know how to act with her because she likes both ends of the spectrum so you're always guessing, always making her upset/uncomfortable.

We had a massive row on December 22nd and she was out dating a week later and has been with him ever since - it doesnt make sense to me. In the past (but she was still young then, like 23 and younger, 28 now) she always got bored of guys after 6 months. Maybe she has grown up now and this wont happen.

She caused the massive argument, yet she moves on within a week and I am left hurt and confused. Especially as I have just found out, my work colleagues knew about it, and she was finding pathetic excuses (like have I got her screwdriver, can I send her a powerpoint etc - when she could ask others) to contact me that kept me hanging on.

I just want her new relationship to end as it will be a big kick in the teeth to me if it lasts, and she doesnt deserve it before me. Childish I know, but those are my emotions / feelings.