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@mods?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Re: @mods?

Postby rivergirl » Thu Apr 28, 2016 3:47 am

I also got kicked off a non support group for not being victimy enough (Lisa Scott's group, to be specific). I came here because I wanted to watch pwNPD talk about their disorder and also because I don't see my ex as a monster. So many of the support boards scream at those of us who keep going back or who try and understand, who keep loving.

My ex is still my ex, but he's also still a guy who's making his way in the world confused, angry, and deeply insecure. I just can't deal with the way all of that stuff manifests itself when we're in a relationship. It doesn't mean I don't love him and miss him and believe that in many ways, he's the most brilliant man I'll ever know.

That said, it's wrong to demonize pwNPD in this space. The nons are guests in this forum, and we need to be mindful of that. Most nons aren't nons anyway. We've got our junk, too.
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Re: @mods?

Postby Echinacea » Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:22 am

rivergirl wrote:That said, it's wrong to demonize pwNPD in this space. The nons are guests in this forum, and we need to be mindful of that.


Nice, i liked that and so true :)
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Re: @mods?

Postby lolidk » Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:44 am

NimplyDinply wrote:Oh, and #voteforlollie 8)


I LOVE U

I'm turning into the Donald Trump of PF at this point. :lol:

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Re: @mods?

Postby Psycho Delica » Thu Apr 28, 2016 2:35 pm

NimplyDinply wrote:n.

Narcissists cannot really even post without being confronted, or worse, mocked. I hate to use Tumblr-like language, but this isn't a "safe space" for those seeking support.


Yeah it's beyond ridiculous. Some so called 'non's' are behaving more predatory on here than the narcissists. :roll:

-- Fri Apr 29, 2016 1:36 am --

My vote is for Nimply as mod (if they have the time to do it)

And if needed I am happy to help out too. :)
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Re: @mods?

Postby Editorgirl2617 » Thu Apr 28, 2016 2:41 pm

rivergirl wrote:I also got kicked off a non support group for not being victimy enough (Lisa Scott's group, to be specific). I came here because I wanted to watch pwNPD talk about their disorder and also because I don't see my ex as a monster. So many of the support boards scream at those of us who keep going back or who try and understand, who keep loving.

My ex is still my ex, but he's also still a guy who's making his way in the world confused, angry, and deeply insecure. I just can't deal with the way all of that stuff manifests itself when we're in a relationship. It doesn't mean I don't love him and miss him and believe that in many ways, he's the most brilliant man I'll ever know.

That said, it's wrong to demonize pwNPD in this space. The nons are guests in this forum, and we need to be mindful of that. Most nons aren't nons anyway. We've got our junk, too.


Literally this. My ex has hurt me in a lot of ways. But he's doing what he knows. I may not want to be with Him & may be working to heal, but understanding helps.

I chose to leave a forum & the next day, my personal blog (which I never posted a link to), that contained my real name & location, was posted so members could shame me and call me a narc too. They're nuts. I get being hurt. I'm hurting very much. But I'm sure my ex hates himself for not being able to be more than what he is.
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Re: @mods?

Postby Psycho Delica » Thu Apr 28, 2016 2:48 pm

Pangloss wrote:
I'm fighting my instincts to hate my exhusband, and trying to understand someone without talking to him.


Just try to be mindful we are not your ex husband in here. We are people coping with our own stresses and issues, so mindfulness of projection is needed in order for us to all "get along"
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Re: @mods?

Postby Jasmer » Thu Apr 28, 2016 3:24 pm

Editorgirl2617 wrote:I chose to leave a forum & the next day, my personal blog (which I never posted a link to), that contained my real name & location, was posted so members could shame me and call me a narc too. They're nuts. I get being hurt. I'm hurting very much. But I'm sure my ex hates himself for not being able to be more than what he is.

What you see as a chance to shame I see as an opportunity for personal amusement. One man's trash is another man's treasure, they say. I mean these people aren't going to come to your house and leave burning bags of dog poop on your front porch. They're going to visit your blog, which will only help you in google search rankings, while crying over a bottle of wine because they're so well adjusted. :roll:

If they have the nerve to post on your blog you should just troll the $#%^ out of them.
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Re: @mods?

Postby Editorgirl2617 » Thu Apr 28, 2016 4:06 pm

Jasmer wrote:
Editorgirl2617 wrote:I chose to leave a forum & the next day, my personal blog (which I never posted a link to), that contained my real name & location, was posted so members could shame me and call me a narc too. They're nuts. I get being hurt. I'm hurting very much. But I'm sure my ex hates himself for not being able to be more than what he is.

What you see as a chance to shame I see as an opportunity for personal amusement. One man's trash is another man's treasure, they say. I mean these people aren't going to come to your house and leave burning bags of dog poop on your front porch. They're going to visit your blog, which will only help you in google search rankings, while crying over a bottle of wine because they're so well adjusted. :roll:

If they have the nerve to post on your blog you should just troll the $#%^ out of them.


You actually summed up my thoughts on it!

I'm not a victim. I was in love with a man. I wanted it to work. But he cannot be the person I would need him to be, which is committed and available & able to give himself. But he'll always want more from me & give less & I'll never be his mate; just supply. That's reality. And it SUCKS. But I'm not a victim. I'm a woman who got hurt & doesn't want to keep running back nor make the same mistakes down the road. But I feel for the guy; I think he really wanted to be that guy for me until I stopped being perfect. Then I fell off the pedestal & he fell back into his same destructive ways. So I said just that & my posts were rewritten in red for what REALLY happened. It helped me see that "victims" are generally as destructive as narcs say. Nons are hurting, but I think the difference is the ones that want to heal can look and say "this person has a disorder. They are suffering too."
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Re: @mods?

Postby Jasmer » Thu Apr 28, 2016 4:43 pm

Editorgirl2617 wrote:
Jasmer wrote:
Editorgirl2617 wrote:I chose to leave a forum & the next day, my personal blog (which I never posted a link to), that contained my real name & location, was posted so members could shame me and call me a narc too. They're nuts. I get being hurt. I'm hurting very much. But I'm sure my ex hates himself for not being able to be more than what he is.

What you see as a chance to shame I see as an opportunity for personal amusement. One man's trash is another man's treasure, they say. I mean these people aren't going to come to your house and leave burning bags of dog poop on your front porch. They're going to visit your blog, which will only help you in google search rankings, while crying over a bottle of wine because they're so well adjusted. :roll:

If they have the nerve to post on your blog you should just troll the $#%^ out of them.


You actually summed up my thoughts on it!

I'm not a victim. I was in love with a man. I wanted it to work. But he cannot be the person I would need him to be, which is committed and available & able to give himself. But he'll always want more from me & give less & I'll never be his mate; just supply. That's reality. And it SUCKS. But I'm not a victim. I'm a woman who got hurt & doesn't want to keep running back nor make the same mistakes down the road. But I feel for the guy; I think he really wanted to be that guy for me until I stopped being perfect. Then I fell off the pedestal & he fell back into his same destructive ways. So I said just that & my posts were rewritten in red for what REALLY happened. It helped me see that "victims" are generally as destructive as narcs say. Nons are hurting, but I think the difference is the ones that want to heal can look and say "this person has a disorder. They are suffering too."

Also, being a "non" doesn't automatically mean somebody has solid coping mechanisms. Some of these people might have been very badly damaged and should probably be seeing a grief counselor or something, and not just ranting on the internet. It isn't healthy, if they want to heal and move on they have to actually try to do that. It won't happen magically on its own. I feel the exact same way about self aware folks with personality disorders who want to change, but don't seem to put any real, tangible effort into doing so. I chose to work towards healing, learning some healthier coping mechanisms, and bettering myself. I chose not to be a slave to my mental problems and stuck in the past, so I don't tend to sympathize with others who cannot or will not do the same. Zero respect there.
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Re: @mods?

Postby Pangloss » Thu Apr 28, 2016 10:12 pm

Psycho Delica wrote:
Pangloss wrote:
I'm fighting my instincts to hate my exhusband, and trying to understand someone without talking to him.


Just try to be mindful we are not your ex husband in here. We are people coping with our own stresses and issues, so mindfulness of projection is needed in order for us to all "get along"


No, I'm not projecting on anyone here, I do describe my experiences with my exhusband to hear others' opinions. What got me upset was when Akuma used abusive language instead of debating my views.

It's the "you self-centered asshole" words that repulsed me.

I've never been abusive to anyone on this Forum and I am always open to opposite views. I do not accept abusive language directed at me, and I expect the same respect from others.

From a Non's point of view, to be upfront about the disorder with one's lover is a fairer, more honest way of building the relationship.

The lover might (1)leave immediately, (2)stay a while then leave, or (3)stay and try to work things out. As the disorder reveals itself, the same 3 outcome will take place, it's a matter of time.

However, think how much more willing the partner will be to work things out if they understand and appreciate the respect shown to them from the start, the trust established between the two, the honesty that comes across as courage, the optimism that awareness could lead to a manageable dance. If it doesn't work, then at least there's closure of some sort.

Just as there's a spectrum of the disorder, there's a spectrum of reactions from Nons. It seems many Nons here seem to be open to learning and understanding. The worst part was the bewilderment, the incomprehension - it's better for Awares to tell their side than for Nons to find out on their own in shock.
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