Psycho Delica wrote:Pangloss wrote:
I'm fighting my instincts to hate my exhusband, and trying to understand someone without talking to him.
Just try to be mindful we are not your ex husband in here. We are people coping with our own stresses and issues, so mindfulness of projection is needed in order for us to all "get along"
No, I'm not projecting on anyone here, I do describe my experiences with my exhusband to hear others' opinions. What got me upset was when Akuma used abusive language instead of debating my views.
It's the "you self-centered asshole" words that repulsed me.
I've never been abusive to anyone on this Forum and I am always open to opposite views. I do not accept abusive language directed at me, and I expect the same respect from others.
From a Non's point of view, to be upfront about the disorder with one's lover is a fairer, more honest way of building the relationship.
The lover might (1)leave immediately, (2)stay a while then leave, or (3)stay and try to work things out. As the disorder reveals itself, the same 3 outcome will take place, it's a matter of time.
However, think how much more willing the partner will be to work things out if they understand and appreciate the respect shown to them from the start, the trust established between the two, the honesty that comes across as courage, the optimism that awareness could lead to a manageable dance. If it doesn't work, then at least there's closure of some sort.
Just as there's a spectrum of the disorder, there's a spectrum of reactions from Nons. It seems many Nons here seem to be open to learning and understanding. The worst part was the bewilderment, the incomprehension - it's better for Awares to tell their side than for Nons to find out on their own in shock.