How to live with covert narcissism?

I'm getting old, and the same repetative story unfolds each time I met a new girl. It always start like the big bang with an explosion of soul connecting and love bombing.
I usually target women that has issues such as low self esteem or depression/anxiety since they are easy victims to manipulate.

In the start the girls always praise me as some sort of angel that helps them become a better person, but it always ends like something out of a horror story. 2 girls even took their own lifes and 2 moved to another country to get away from me.

For me personally, I'm getting tired. I'm getting old, I'm tired of drama and no matter how hard I try to avoid it , drama will happen if I get a response I do not like.

So how do I break this never ending cycle of pain and misery for those who get to know me on a personal level?

Sidenote : I've been clinically diagnosed with narcissism by 1 specialist psychologist and one psychiatrist so I'm not some idiot that has watched Dexter and started giving myself labels so I could be a special edgy snowflake.

Date girls you respect rather than weak marks?

Genoxide wrote:I'm getting old, and the same repetative story unfolds each time I met a new girl. It always start like the big bang with an explosion of soul connecting and love bombing.
I usually target women that has issues such as low self esteem or depression/anxiety since they are easy victims to manipulate.

LOL

Genoxide wrote: In the start the girls always praise me as some sort of angel that helps them become a better person, but it always ends like something out of a horror story. 2 girls even took their own lifes and 2 moved to another country to get away from me.

Brutal.

Genoxide wrote: For me personally, I'm getting tired. I'm getting old, I'm tired of drama and no matter how hard I try to avoid it , drama will happen if I get a response I do not like.

You reap what you sow.

Genoxide wrote: So how do I break this never ending cycle of pain and misery for those who get to know me on a personal level?

Probably by not vulnerable women with anxiety and depressive issues. You can't handle someone with a healthly self-esteem?

Genoxide wrote: Sidenote : I've been clinically diagnosed with narcissism by 1 specialist psychologist and one psychiatrist so I'm not some idiot that has watched Dexter and started giving myself labels so I could be a special edgy snowflake.

Someone's definitely been watching Dexter.

Don't think about it! Not easy if you post on here or have committed yourself to two years of therapy!

Genoxide wrote:but it always ends like something out of a horror story. 2 girls even took their own lifesto get away from me.

So there's no way you could withhold from entering any more relationships in the mean time? If you've had four failed relationships so far it would just be wishful thinking to believe the next will work out.
Apparently this is part of covert narcissism:
"Inability to remain in love; impaired capacity for viewing the romantic partner as a separate individual with his or her own interests"

Maybe you just need to give them space and respect their wishes? Although, as a diagnosed narc. you probably won't feel like doing this...

Well I would like to say for you to go for a woman that challenges you, rather than a co-dependent. But you most likely attract the co dependents as much as they attract you.

The fact you seem self aware is a good start. You need to exercise that on a daily basis though, especially when you have a woman in your life.

Or maybe it's time you start dating overt narcissistic women who will literally smack you over the head once you start trying to manipulate them.

But no, you wont be drama free. Sounds like you need to find someone who is able to stick around and see you for what you really are and be willing to help you work through it. Your self loathing needs to be the first thing they realise. Be up front about your covert narcissism so they know what they are dealing with. Start 'outing' yourself to them.

I mean, if you are driving women to suicide.... drastic changes need to happen for you to ever have the chance at a somewhat successful relationship.

I think covert narcissist male attract overt narcissist female something like that covert submisive role and overt dominant role get together i think. I know in my example i always have hard times to get a girlfriend or even to approach some woman because of my high level of anxiety,hypersensitivity and low self esteem and ofcourse shyness woman didnt respect me like some other guys they respect...

I think it is pretty harder to covert male narcissist to find some woman or even to manipulate her instedd of overt who create harem of woman around him. In my life its tragicomy and ironicaly but maybe my mother i knew to manipulate but other woman simply disregard me and treat me like some $#%^ asshole.

Genoxide,

Your problem seems to be targeting co-dependents that are not self-aware. They believe the false mask you present, and once they see the "true" you, they are not able to cope with it. (or you never let them see the true you, and drama occurs, which confuses the $$##$ out of them)

The fact that you are self aware is a HUGE step. I still don't believe that people like us with disorders can truly 100% change, but we can come to a point were we are more manageable.

In some cases, overt/covert do function well together. However, I don't truly believe that they can succeed long term. Just seems that there would be alot of drama, and fight for control. There would be a constant battle of manipulation. The overt would be able to see through your mask, but would use that against you.

There are strong,self aware co-dependents out there who will find a way to get past your disorder. Additionally, highly adjusted/adapted empath's could be a good fit for you. I know, because I have a deep relationship/friendship with a covert narcissist. (me being the co-dependent/empath) I know what is behind the mask my narcissist presents. I know the necessity of the mask, and his self loathing. We are both self aware, and that is key. Had I been in a relationship like this in my 20's, it would have been different. However, I am close to my 40's now, and self aware.

Just try to be more open when initially meeting someone. You don't have to play a sob story, or give ALL you self away. Just enough to set the cards on the table. (in a sense) Also you are probably choosing younger, more vulnerable women. Go with more mature women. They will be able to see through your $#$#, but might be more accepting to it. Of course, this is my own personal opinion on this matter. Good luck.

Auxiliary11 wrote:

Genoxide wrote:but it always ends like something out of a horror story. 2 girls even took their own lifesto get away from me.

So there's no way you could withhold from entering any more relationships in the mean time? If you've had four failed relationships so far it would just be wishful thinking to believe the next will work out.
Apparently this is part of covert narcissism:
"Inability to remain in love; impaired capacity for viewing the romantic partner as a separate individual with his or her own interests"

Maybe you just need to give them space and respect their wishes? Although, as a diagnosed narc. you probably won't feel like doing this...

4 failed relationships? Where did you get that number from? I didnt list all my relationships did I?

Since I was 14 till now at the age of 32 I've been in relationships with 15 girls. And it always ended bad, very bad.

I do not think I'm to blame here, they hurt me so I reacted and hurt them back. It's only fair. I refuse to be a victim. The only thing I regret is that I did not hurt them even more than I did.

Everytime I have been cruel to someone is because they did something to me first. So conscious is clear, I do not lose sleep over the troubles my ex girlfriends has experienced.

-- Sat Mar 19, 2016 9:29 pm --

Psycho Delica wrote:Well I would like to say for you to go for a woman that challenges you, rather than a co-dependent. But you most likely attract the co dependents as much as they attract you.

The fact you seem self aware is a good start. You need to exercise that on a daily basis though, especially when you have a woman in your life.

Or maybe it's time you start dating overt narcissistic women who will literally smack you over the head once you start trying to manipulate them.

But no, you wont be drama free. Sounds like you need to find someone who is able to stick around and see you for what you really are and be willing to help you work through it. Your self loathing needs to be the first thing they realise. Be up front about your covert narcissism so they know what they are dealing with. Start 'outing' yourself to them.

I mean, if you are driving women to suicide.... drastic changes need to happen for you to ever have the chance at a somewhat successful relationship.

I have tried going for women with higher intelligence than me. I'm in the range of 135-140 so I decided to hook up with a woman that scored 155 on a mensa test. I looked at it as a challenge.

The smarter they are the better I have to be at manipulating. But I broke her just like I broke the rest. It took me 3 years tho, my average with people with 100'ish IQ is 6-12 months.

But yea, she ended up like a nervous wreck just like the rest.

I dont loath myself. But in the start of relationships I always portray the image of a weak, vulnerable person filled with anxiety while I at the same time focus on boosting the ego and selfesteem of my counterpart. I love bomb them and focus on their well being while painting a picture of myself as a caring, supportive but weak and fragile person.

Genoxide wrote:
I have tried going for women with higher intelligence than me. I'm in the range of 135-140 so I decided to hook up with a woman that scored 155 on a mensa test. I looked at it as a challenge.

The smarter they are the better I have to be at manipulating. But I broke her just like I broke the rest. It took me 3 years tho, my average with people with 100'ish IQ is 6-12 months.

But yea, she ended up like a nervous wreck just like the rest.

I dont loath myself. But in the start of relationships I always portray the image of a weak, vulnerable person filled with anxiety while I at the same time focus on boosting the ego and selfesteem of my counterpart. I love bomb them and focus on their well being while painting a picture of myself as a caring, supportive but weak and fragile person.

Well if you're so aware of what you do, then control it. Once you catch yourself doing it, get a grip of yourself. With all this self awareness surely you can exercise a little self control?