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Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

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Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby InstantKarma » Mon Feb 08, 2016 5:20 pm

Since I have been trying to move on and started living a little again after the discard my xN has been hoovering a lot. Calling me with excuses to send me pictures (see my previous thread) and using our baby as an excuse to talk to me since I have been in limited contact and asked him to only contact me about the baby.

Yesterday he came to pick up baby and asked me if he could talk to me.
I figured it was about the letter my attorney sent him ...

He started saying how he was sorry and wished it could have been different between us, that I have behaved differently during pregnancy and it created a distance between us. That he regretted that he didn't behaved in a different way towards me ...

Anyways, big shocker since Ns rarely apologize .. I was convinced he is an N.
Maybe an N does apologize if there is something in it for them ?

So my question is can an N apologize, and why would he do so ?
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby KingPing » Mon Feb 08, 2016 5:28 pm

I can apologize like everyone else can apologize. And I can mean it that way. Sometimes the right thing to do is to express ones feelings and say sorry.
There is nothing more humane than the will to survive.
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby Lusid » Mon Feb 08, 2016 5:31 pm

InstantKarma wrote:He started saying how he was sorry and wished it could have been different between us, that I have behaved differently during pregnancy and it created a distance between us.


Apologising and then kinda blaming you anyway? Oldest trick in the book. So yeah, people do apologise with an agenda sometimes.

End of the day it doesn't matter if this guy is a narcissist, if he isn't good for you don't give him a second thought.
Strong ASPD traits with NPD/BPD undertones. Sadist, addict, diagnosed PTSD.
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby Shoshannah » Mon Feb 08, 2016 5:32 pm

My guess is yes, N can apologize. N can say whatever he believes you need to hear when it serves him.

Did he leave you just after you gave birth to your child? Or when you were still pregnant? If so... please, just don't even think about him. It really doesn't matter if he is N or not. What he did is a huge deal breaker. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to work on that - on not even thinking about him.
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby InstantKarma » Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:31 pm

KingPing wrote:I can apologize like everyone else can apologize. And I can mean it that way. Sometimes the right thing to do is to express ones feelings and say sorry.


So his apology could be a sincere one ? I don't know that much about Ns and their way of behaving, I thought they couldn't apologize, and my xN actually never did until now ...
Could it be he is getting bored of the NS and is thinking to keep me as a backup ?

I'm asking because a month ago he was still very agressive and theathened me when I ignored him.
Now that I act indifferent his attitude changed ...

-- Mon Feb 08, 2016 7:33 pm --

Shoshannah wrote:My guess is yes, N can apologize. N can say whatever he believes you need to hear when it serves him.

Did he leave you just after you gave birth to your child? Or when you were still pregnant? If so... please, just don't even think about him. It really doesn't matter if he is N or not. What he did is a huge deal breaker. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to work on that - on not even thinking about him.


He left me for an OW 2 weeks after I had our child.
It's a dubble betrayal since OW has a 2yo son, which makes it worse for me ...
He comes to pick up the baby, so I need to deal with him ... :cry:
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby Shoshannah » Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:39 pm

InstantKarma wrote:
He left me for an OW 2 weeks after I had our child.


It's difficult for me to even think about anything worse that you could do to a person. Oh well, he apologized. No apologies will ever be enough for what he's done to you. Especially that he hoovers now... (all the photos, triangulation). That shows very clearly that he has no respect for your pain.
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby InstantKarma » Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:48 pm

Shoshannah wrote:
InstantKarma wrote:
He left me for an OW 2 weeks after I had our child.


It's difficult for me to even think about anything worse that you could do to a person. Oh well, he apologized. No apologies will ever be enough for what he's done to you. Especially that he hoovers now... (all the photos, triangulation). That shows very clearly that he has no respect for your pain.


Exactly, it is a very painful experience and no apology will ever do, that's for sure.
If he had respect he would respect my wish for minimum contact, but obviosuly he doesn't care ...
I can't understand what it is he wants from me. He wants to continue to see me suffer ? Or make sure he still has me as his backup ? I'm trying to make sense out of this ...
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby Shoshannah » Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:54 pm

Some of them needs many sources of supply at once. Control is also important to them and he is loosing control over you. And drama. I think that might explain his behaviors.
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby KingPing » Mon Feb 08, 2016 7:17 pm

YES apologies from us CAN be sincere. But I dont want to decide if HIS apology was real or fake.
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Re: Why would an N apologize ? Maybe not an N ?!

Postby InstantKarma » Mon Feb 08, 2016 8:25 pm

KingPing wrote:YES apologies from us CAN be sincere. But I dont want to decide if HIS apology was real or fake.


I understand that, it does help knowing they can actually be sincere about apologies ...
The way he said things seemed like he was missing me.
Can it be though, that he missed me, or maybe missed the feeling I gave him ?
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