A common thread I have always seen on this forum are nons, that think they have done a little reading of some e-book, some posts, or even the so-called expert Dr. Sam.. and they think they have their ex even remotely figured out.
How delusional this is. All humans are completely different creatures and all of us with narc traits are no exception.
This whole talk about discarding someone and coming back for them? I get asked why narcs do that in some of my messages? Ridiculous. When I am done with someone, I never come back. The only reason I ever respond, is if the person initiates conversation. "But he keeps coming back to check on me.. why won't he leave me alone and let me recover?" Like seriously? Check on you? If I'm done with you, I'm done with you and I will only respond if you check on me. Everyone is different and those with narc personality traits are no exception.
In essence, do not think that you can figure out why your ex did this, or why he did that, through what you see or read. I am by no question a narc and have absolutely no interest in power, success or grandiose thoughts.. "But the book said this is a trait of narcs and my boyfriend is always like this.. so he must be a narc!" I've seen more people that are not narcs with these thoughts in modern day society, then those that are narcs.
I earn enough to afford a $100,000 car to show off my success, no problem. But, I take the bus. And I tell people I take the bus. If I were to buy a car, I would buy a basic car, like a Honda Civic. I do not want people to look at me as the douchebag in the expensive car, trying to overcompensate for whom I am as a person. I see countless nons do this and I find it rather pathetic. I have nothing to to show or prove to anyone.
I am no better than anyone and I know this. Yes, I have narc personality traits, but my core and whom I am is no more important than any other person on earth. My worth and my life is no more valued than that of the street beggar. For me to think otherwise, is delusional.
My narc friends are content with what they have. They do not aspire to be the best or harbor delusional thoughts of anything grandiose. They can afford a $100k car, but they drive a $25k car. They have no interest in running a huge corporation and bossing people around. They are content, like me in well paying employment and have no problem working with others.
I have no interest in manipulating anyone I meet. (with the exception of putting on a social face in a bar/club situation..) 99% of the time I am myself to people and have no problem telling people I have narc personality traits, as soon as I meet them. If they are not interested in whom I am at the core, then I have no interest in them. Why manipulate someone? For me, there needs to be a connection.. and without a connection, I do not desire them. Without desire, I have no interest in them.
I have been in love with narcs and have felt deep connections with people. For nons to tell me this is improbable and impossible is ridiculous and absurd.
I could continue on and on.. I am 100% narc to the core.. and am absolutely astounded how nons on this forum think they can figure out why the narc in their life acted out a certain way, through what they read or see on these forums.
Assuming all narcs act in a certain way is like me thinking in such a way with nons.. "Well I asked a non about why my relationship didn't work.. and she told me.. because he's a non.. And as we all know.. nons all operate like this."
That's how ridiculous it sounds. A narc can figure out the actions of why their ex-non acted out to them specifically on a forum as much as a non can figure out the actions of why their ex-narc acted out to them.. It's all a guess. To make assumptions of truth is absurd.
The only truth to find on a forum like this, is that you operate differently than us for the most part internally. You will not find out why your narc acted a certain way through the actions of others.
All people are different and to assume otherwise, is irrational, ridiculous and just plain stupid. The only thing you will ever understand about your ex or any other narc is that you will never understand us. Accept this or stay delusional your entire life. The choice is yours.