Do you plan ahead? Can you picture the future?
I never have and dont think i can. Im like rooted to the present mentally, yet i dont even feel present unless im being noticed by other people.
I always had the feeling the future would be great, or everything would be ok. Like people around me would worry about what college they'll go to, now people are worrying about what university their going to, and i just dont. Like the future doesnt seem real or tangible, and technically its not.
This feeling i had and still kinda have is something i cant explain, i just know it'll be fine, this is that magical thinking described by psychiatrists is it not? But lately ive been becoming more aware, and the feeling that impossible indestructable knowing feeling that everything will be ok, is dissapating. Im realising people dont and wont have to tend to my needs, and that it could go all wrong. And its like ive been thrown from the baby pool with the armbands on into the big boy pool and the waves are on, its ###$