narcbolan wrote:Well, you are of course welcome to your opinion. However, moderators of this site are here mainly to oversee and maintian the running of the site. We are not counsellors or therapists or carers, some moderators may have different styles to others but we are all volunteers and the day to day running of the site is always the most important thing. A moderator will reasonably assume that when a member joins this forum that they have read the forum rules and guidelines on how to post. When they don't, which often happens, sometimes we are tolerant, sometimes we are not.
Telling an experienced moderator who has also been in active recovery for over ten years from all sorts of issues including having NPD that they don't know how to speak to someone with NPD is a bit of a fallacy. If your way of coping with your husband is to avoid any direct confrontation in order spare yourself the silent treatment then that's up to you. But you're not helping him, you're just managing him.
Soltice overreacted to an instruction from someone who was in the right because he percieved it as an injury. It was neither an injury nor was it hurtful. No one is going to be able to help him use the forum properly if they pussyfoot around him. Sometimes N's need a bit of directness otherwise you don't get through. In this case I hope I did and he can get past this and carry on posting and making good use of the forum.
Yes, you are right of course.... i realise its a voluntary job and takes time and effort and you are doing that job to the best of your abilities. So apologies if you felt offended.
About me.... well I can comment on that, I don't try and 'help' my partner, in fact I am much less helpful, which has resulted in him being helpful to me, I manage me and what comes out of my mouth and see him as an adult that will 'help himself' if he chooses.
He's smiling a lot, I don't get 'discarded' (surprisingly its become financially rewarding, keeps giving me money and stuff, takes me and kids out, no silent stuff, have to resist telling him to just shut up sometimes, lol).
Having dinner all together other nite, the vibe was nice, relaxed, happy "we're doing normal family".... (no big deal to most people but he seemed pretty stoked).
We have 'little fights' and don't avoid conflicts.
10 years and I change what comes out of my mouth and now we have a nice family in the space of three months.
I put my mind to something, I do it.... discard all that 'doesn't work' opens up possibility of 'what might work'. Put a timeline on it and see what happens. Logic.
I've shared some of this in my blog and another site.... thought someone (well there has been 'one') might consider or show interest .... but no... the 'victims' not interested (enjoy complaining too much and see themselves as 'wonderous emphatic beings with beautiful 'cores', just apples really) and the "npd" people seem uninterested, which is ok.
People want to believe what they will, thats fine. I'll just enjoy my life with my sweetie and kids. I'm happy and not 'door mattish', he's 'happy and can be himself' (occassionally moody/distracted) and the kids are happy.... really, its a no brainer. I'll keep doing what I'm doing (very little actually.... kinda small input with big gains, like planting a seed).
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