I've been wondering if I'm a narcissist or not

I posted this on one of my threads in the AsPD forum, but figured I'd post it here as well to see what response I get.

I've been wondering if I'm a narcissist. There are some people who think I am one and others who think I'm not, so I'm kind of conflicted over what to think in that regard.

Some things that make me think I might be a narcissist:

- I believe I'm more important than everybody else
- I value my life above all others and therefore, my needs come first
- I have contempt for humanity and see most other people as worthless, insignificant objects
- I care about my daughter because she reminds me of myself. When I see her, I see me. With that said though, I also view her as my possession, my property. I feel like I own her.
- I desire god-like power through control and murder
- I always like to be the top dog so to speak
- I'm over-confident
- I can be smug and condescending when I'm angry
- I lack empathy (my daughter has complained that I don't care enough when she's upset and my family thinks the only person I care about is myself - too selfish and self-centred to care about anyone else)
- I love the sound of my own voice
- I like talking about myself

Some things that make me think I might not be a narcissist:

- While I do feel entitled to certain things, I don't expect special treatment
- While I don't believe I am inferior to anyone, I don't go around thinking I'm smarter, more attractive or more intelligent than everyone else either.
- I don't have low self-esteem and therefore, don't feel any need to compensate for it.


I'm not asking for anyone here to diagnose me. I just want your thoughts on the matter.

A few questions for those of you with NPD:

- How do you view other people/humanity?

- If you have (or had) children of your own, how do you view them? Do you see them as possessions or objects of value? Do you feel like you own them?

- How do you react when you're angry?

Out of my head ASPD normally is not ASPD in Kernbergs sense (psychopathy proper) but Malignant Narcissism, so NPD with a grandiose self merged with aggressive impulses. So by definition already you'd be a pwNPD if some therapist diagnosed you with ASPD.
Check if you expect a therapist for example to know all about you already before you've even explained it and / or if it annoys you when he doesn't. That's usually a tell-tale sign that youre a real narcissist, the behavioral stuff is mostly irrelevant.

Dark Soul wrote:- How do you view other people/humanity?

- If you have (or had) children of your own, how do you view them? Do you see them as possessions or objects of value? Do you feel like you own them?

- How do you react when you're angry?

I never realized this until perhaps the last couple of years, but I definitely view other people/humanity different from the way that most people view them. I always assumed everyone was like me, and maybe just hiding it, but now I realize that I am objectively different. I think that I objectify other people, and probably living things in general. So, for example, imagine the world as your kitchen. In your kitchen, you have lots of things that you need, and lots of things you probably don't need or at least never use. So there might be a blender, a toaster, a toaster oven, etc. If I need to make myself a smoothie, I'll use the blender. Once I'm done with it, I'll wash it out, so it will be ready for use the next time I need it. Should it cease to work, I might get annoyed, and will probably toss it out, and get a new blender.

So apply that to people. Obviously this isn't an emotion-driven perspective. It doesn't contain a lot of anger, angst, bad feelings, etc. It just sort of is. The negative emotions seem to come into play when the blender breaks, and then I can't make my smoothie, which means I won't get breakfast this morning, which means I'll have a headache by lunchtime. So I might get annoyed with the blender, but at the same time, it's just a blender, so that will pass quickly, and what I'm really mad at is that my day has been ruined, i.e., my own happiness has been thwarted for a moment.

I don't think true NPD involves a desire to do harm to people or living things. It's just that you are singularly self-focused, don't bond or attach to anything, have very limited empathy, and some emotional deficits, and thus view the rest of the world as, "not you." I think once you start to get towards sadism, you're in Malignant Narcissism territory. And when you start to consciously use other people, and/or when you have the desire to harm others, you're more in the AsPD spectrum. Just my two cents.

Esquire wrote:
I never realized this until perhaps the last couple of years, but I definitely view other people/humanity different from the way that most people view them. I always assumed everyone was like me, and maybe just hiding it, but now I realize that I am objectively different. I think that I objectify other people, and probably living things in general. So, for example, imagine the world as your kitchen. In your kitchen, you have lots of things that you need, and lots of things you probably don't need or at least never use. So there might be a blender, a toaster, a toaster oven, etc. If I need to make myself a smoothie, I'll use the blender. Once I'm done with it, I'll wash it out, so it will be ready for use the next time I need it. Should it cease to work, I might get annoyed, and will probably toss it out, and get a new blender.

So apply that to people. Obviously this isn't an emotion-driven perspective. It doesn't contain a lot of anger, angst, bad feelings, etc. It just sort of is. The negative emotions seem to come into play when the blender breaks, and then I can't make my smoothie, which means I won't get breakfast this morning, which means I'll have a headache by lunchtime. So I might get annoyed with the blender, but at the same time, it's just a blender, so that will pass quickly, and what I'm really mad at is that my day has been ruined, i.e., my own happiness has been thwarted for a moment.

I don't think true NPD involves a desire to do harm to people or living things. It's just that you are singularly self-focused, don't bond or attach to anything, have very limited empathy, and some emotional deficits, and thus view the rest of the world as, "not you." I think once you start to get towards sadism, you're in Malignant Narcissism territory. And when you start to consciously use other people, and/or when you have the desire to harm others, you're more in the AsPD spectrum. Just my two cents.

I never heard somebody put it so clearly and summarize pretty much exactly how I personally feel. The part about feeling like the world is "Not You" really paints a clear picture on how I feel about the world itself, I really thought most people where faking the way they socially felt about others. Anyways I thought your post provided some good insight, and I think it's pretty funny how some people here can describe my thought process without even knowing me.

It's almost like one comes on this board and we keep saying that the world isn't full of "Bas-tards" and that its just part of NPD to assume everyone else has NPD, but when you make posts like this its almost like you get into a paradox because In my head I already assumed most people thought the same way I did, by reading your post obviously it proves that other people around the world share similar ideologies and thinking patterns. The problem is 99.99% of the worlds NPD's won't ever set foot on this forum and one really begins to question how many NPD's we really have floating across our city,state, or country.

I guess the real question is how do you know if it is NPD paranoia to think that others are "plotting,skeeming,and faking" or if it really is good gut instinct to assume that the person you are looking at could potentially be just as bad as you if not worse. How can we truly know for sure that most people aren't plotting inside their head. Maybe I just hang around complete bastards and not everyone in the world is like this, but I just think that the 1-10% estimate might be a little bit higher. Maybe, it has to do with living in an upscale area where N tendencies are common, Ive lived for short periods of time in regular areas and it almost seems like the average person today has no morals,no values, and will ###$ you over as soon as you give them an opportunity. I almost refuse to believe that the majority of people are "Nons" Ive just seen and encountered way too much to just think that its all part of my disorder.

At the end of the day does being a Narcissist even matter if you are getting ###$ over? I see alot of people give Borderlines slack but not a NPD. Why would it even matter to you why someone screwed you over? If I get screwed over I personally could care less for what the persons motives where, all that matters is that I got the short end of the stick and someone has to pay. So while I am consciously and subconsciously manipulating and using people, someone is claiming BPD and doing the same exact thing over a different guise but they get the "pass" because they can't regulate their emotions. Anyone who lets other people step on them regardless of their condition deserves what they get. NPD or not, you simply cannot be placing all your eggs in one basket. Did I lose my ability to feel certain things?Maybe. But the way Ive seen people get played I honestly can't say that I feel any type of remorse for the way I am/the things i do/say to other people. When you are a very young kid It is almost as though you are given two choices to either be a "dick" or a swallower and I think I made my choice as a toddler.

Isn't NPD a rational persons natural reaction to the type of world we live in today?

Scarface12 wrote:I see alot of people give Borderlines slack but not a NPD. Why would it even matter to you why someone screwed you over?

I wonder if it's because pwBPD appears more human due to the more outward display of emotions? Narcissism seems to send more of a "I can do without you if you won't be what I want" -- until the person gives up trying to be what I want. It took massive conformance to get me to like you again, not just a small gesture. The valuation/devaluation is more selfish and calculated, not just emotional oscillation? N valuation involves scorekeeping and holding a grudge more than a B? (I read borderline splitting can be more superficial. Revaluation doesn't involve "probation" like I think it does for an N.).

I don't know. I imagine it has something to do with the way we treat people is worse.

You seem/feel like some of the narcissists that I know in real life (self absorbed/manipulative/engaging/entertaining/semi-likable).

However the narcissists that come online and hang in the NPD forum don't seem like any narcissists I've ever met. They are like alien robots that speak gibberish with non-existent people skills. (minus the select few with intelligence and all that)

Akuma wrote:Out of my head ASPD normally is not ASPD in Kernbergs sense (psychopathy proper) but Malignant Narcissism, so NPD with a grandiose self merged with aggressive impulses. So by definition already you'd be a pwNPD if some therapist diagnosed you with ASPD.

I was diagnosed with AsPD, but I don't see how that also means I have NPD.

You can have AsPD without being so narcissistic as to have full-blown NPD.

Check if you expect a therapist for example to know all about you already before you've even explained it and / or if it annoys you when he doesn't. That's usually a tell-tale sign that youre a real narcissist, the behavioral stuff is mostly irrelevant.

No, I think it would be delusional to expect a therapist I've never spoken to before to already know all about me. There is not a single person on this planet who knows all about me. Hell, I don't even know all about me.

Dark Soul wrote:

Akuma wrote:Out of my head ASPD normally is not ASPD in Kernbergs sense (psychopathy proper) but Malignant Narcissism, so NPD with a grandiose self merged with aggressive impulses. So by definition already you'd be a pwNPD if some therapist diagnosed you with ASPD.

I was diagnosed with AsPD, but I don't see how that also means I have NPD.

You can have AsPD without being so narcissistic as to have full-blown NPD.

What I meant is, Kernberg puts ASPD in the narcissistic spectrum on the high end, as full-blown psychopathy, with complete absence of superego / conscience. On the low end of that spectrum would be classical Narcissism and in the middle Malignant Narcissism. Since you can post on forums and have a daughter you're obviously not a psychopath, so you would in that sense have malignant narcissism, so a form of narcissistic personality disorder; not in the DSM sense, but in the sense of a disorder based on a certain organization of personality, grandiose self and all that.

No, I think it would be delusional to expect a therapist I've never spoken to before to already know all about me. There is not a single person on this planet who knows all about me. Hell, I don't even know all about me.

I get annoyed quickly when I have to explain myself to those people and they dont understand stuff I consider obvious. It's not a conscious thing in terma of thinking the person must read my mind or be omniscient. Actually it happened in my answer to you, I simply expected you to know that i mean NPD in another sense, because I knew I meant it.
Neville Symington mentioned this as a giveaway clue for therapists in his book on Narcissism, but its of course possible that in an aggressive NPD type this doesn't actually work. Dunno.

I am the darkest soul

graveflower:However the narcissists that come online and hang in the NPD forum don't seem like any narcissists I've ever met. They are like alien robots that speak gibberish with non-existent people skills. (minus the select few with intelligence and all that)

User avatar

Exactly. And if you happen to be a puppet or troll or psychiatrist pretending to be PD'd all you really accomplish is ruining the boards for everyone.