Our partner

I think I might be a Narcissist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby SolitaryCat » Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:10 am

I think I might be a Narcissist.

I like to look at my reflection in the mirror or reflective surfaces. But I hate to look at pictures of myself, because they look different then what I perceive in the reflections.

I think I'm better then vast majority of other people. That's because I'm often told that I'm smart, funny, interesting and get things done. To be fair, I do very well in my schoolwork.

I don't dwell on past mistakes and tend not to feel any guilt for actions that might have hurt other people.

I like to be praised. On the forums that I frequent, I like to reread the posts that mention me in positive light or agree with me. By the same token, if people don't respond to the things that I think are insightful or clever, I get upset.
SolitaryCat
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:54 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby bitty » Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:23 pm

Hello SolitaryCat,

I don't think that any of that on it's own would necessarily indicate traits of a personality disorder. How do you feel about other people?

Have you ever loved or missed anyone? (I realise that you're still very young.)
bitty
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1235
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:15 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby SolitaryCat » Wed Jan 28, 2015 2:34 am

I feel that other people are there for my amusement or benefit. If the person is no longer providing me with any tangible benefit, I become estranged and don't make the first effort to reconnect.

I don't know if I ever loved somebody. The few people that I dated, I liked how they made me feel, I liked the jealous looks I'd get from others ( I date good looking people). But once my "partners" couldn't deliver on the things that I wanted from them (be it praise, admiration or even sex), I'd become furious with them and ignore them.

As I said previously, when I break up with someone, it's because they no longer give me what I want, and I feel like there is no reason to keep any contact.

When my latest ex, broke up with me. I just felt intense anger at them. I didn't miss them. Just hated them with my whole being. Haven't really missed them, other for the fact that they really knew how to stroke my ego just right.
SolitaryCat
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:54 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby bitty » Wed Jan 28, 2015 6:20 am

Well, you haven't written anything that points away from narcissism, but you'd need to speak to a professional for a diagnosis.

Try not to underestimate other people, though. I'm not preaching, it took me until middle age to even realise that I did that. (I mean that I wasn't actually forming accurate opinions.) I only valued people for intelligence and humour, (and appearance), and actually saw them as 'empty' if they lacked those qualities.

If you are a narcissist, well, I wish that I'd known about my narcissism at your age; it gives you the chance to avoid a lot of screw ups. Good luck.
bitty
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1235
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:15 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby Philonoe » Wed Jan 28, 2015 11:02 am

bitty wrote:I only valued people for intelligence and humour, (and appearance), and actually saw them as 'empty' if they lacked those qualities.

May I ask you which qualities you value now?
Philonoe
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2341
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:32 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby bitty » Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:23 pm

Philonoe wrote:
bitty wrote:I only valued people for intelligence and humour, (and appearance), and actually saw them as 'empty' if they lacked those qualities.

May I ask you which qualities you value now?

That's hard to specify; it's primarily a case of seeing other people as 'whole' nowadays, not just empty, unintelligent and boring. I just 'see' them now, a lot more than I used to, and it's surprising how much more intelligent and humourous people have turned out to be, now that the blinkers have lifted to some degree. I'm probably not truly a full on narcissist any more, but the roots of it are still in me, and I still lack the depth and range of emotions of non-narcissists.

So.....er......I still value humour and intelligence, but I can appreciate and admire (and envy) the 'softer' qualities that I lack, e.g. patience and kindness. Honestly, on their own, these 'softer' qualities wouldn't be enough to draw me towards someone, but as I say, I do appreciate them now.
bitty
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1235
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:15 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby green m+m » Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:31 pm

What helped you get to that point where you can appreciate others Bitty?
green m+m
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1854
Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2013 1:43 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 4:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby bitty » Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:51 pm

It's just slowly evolved. I read some of the stuff that the 'nons' complain about, and I was still doing some of it myself last year, (and I found out about my narcissism more than 5 years ago), and there are other things that I still do - I think that I'm just slowly getting better, but I think that most people in general do.

So, honestly, I can't really answer, except just to say that life in general has helped me. I don't think about other people much, it's just that I don't discount them the way that I used to. Sorry I can't give you a better answer. I think that, once someone realises that they are a narcissist, a degree of improvement is inevitable, and it carries on, slowly, within limits.
bitty
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1235
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:15 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby SolitaryCat » Fri Jan 30, 2015 7:55 pm

bitty wrote:Try not to underestimate other people, though. I'm not preaching, it took me until middle age to even realise that I did that. (I mean that I wasn't actually forming accurate opinions.) I only valued people for intelligence and humour, (and appearance), and actually saw them as 'empty' if they lacked those qualities.


I don't think that I underestimate or think of people as empty. I just view most of them as unworthy of my attention. Objectively speaking, I'm fun to be around. I'm asked to parties, lunches, etc. But I feel that if I attend them, I get no real benefit. Yeah people laugh at my jokes and admire me, which is nice, but it's too easy. There is no challenge in being liked by an average person. On the other hand, the people that are on my level intellectually and socially make me uncomfortable. I can't help but think that they are plotting against me. 9/10 times my hunches are correct too.

If you are a narcissist, well, I wish that I'd known about my narcissism at your age; it gives you the chance to avoid a lot of screw ups. Good luck.


Can you give some examples of these screw ups?
SolitaryCat
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:54 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think I might be a Narcissist.

Postby bitty » Fri Jan 30, 2015 10:40 pm

Most of us narcissists are entertaining, and I've felt resentful at being the one who livens up proceedings, and makes people laugh - it's great when someone can really make me laugh, which is far less often that my ready laugh would suggest. So yeah, I can relate to you feeling that you get no benefit from most social occasions - we wear ourselves out, and in a way the admiration and liking is nice, as you say, but we don't get as much entertainment back.

If people really are plotting against you, it may be that they're picking up on underlying hostility and competitiveness, perhaps, and reacting to it? I do think that people with strong egos pick up on other people with strong egos, in a way that others don't, and are more antagonistic towards them. Or do even people who don't have strong egos strike you as plotting against you?

(I've said before that I used to view people as the enemy, but with me, it was more of a general view.)

My view of most people nowadays is that I am funnier than most of them, (but also annoying at times), and I can get an interesting conversation going about wierd and wonderful topics. But when I do listen to people, (a rare thing!), and find out more about them, they become 3 dimensional, and more intelligent, and sometimes humourous, than I gave them credit for.

I just mean that as a narcissist, my 'superior' qualities are good ones, it's good to entertain people, cheer them up, interest them, (whatever my actual motives are), but there are others that I lack, and I'm learning to appreciate in other people. It's really hard to quantify what I mean, I just see people as richer and deeper than I used to.

It took me until my fifties to realise this, but just try not to write people off as unworthy of your attention if they are less intelligent or humourous or whatever. What can I say? Just try to really see them. I'm being unfair - I'm a narcissist, you think that you might be one too, and I'm saying in effect, "Don't be a narcissist.", as if it was that easy. We can't just snap our fingers and develop empathy. I suppose that I'm thinking that if you're aware of how your perceptions might not be fully accurate, or rather how you're not seeing the full picture, you can start to change direction a bit, if you want to.

Sorry,it's getting late, and I need to go to sleep, more on my screw ups later, if you still want to hear about them!
bitty
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1235
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:15 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 14 guests