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Giving backhanded compliments = Sx of NPD?

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Giving backhanded compliments = Sx of NPD?

Postby justagirl00 » Thu Oct 16, 2014 2:04 am

I know this guy who seems to give a lot of backhanded compliments. Its very subtle but every time he compliments me, I get a vague feeling.... like, I actually feel bad instead of good.

I.e. He was telling me "I don't understand why you're not more successful." This could be a compliment, but its also a putdown, pointing out that I'm not that successful.

He's an artist and he also makes portraits of people he knows, and they usually seem subtly unflattering. Like almost a caricature.

He is really addicted to attention too. He love bombed me for awhile, but is now neglecting me and moved on to love bombing someone else. I feel slighted, like he wants to rub in my face he suddenly found her more appealing. (I think the real reason is because she donated him some money though. Maybe he love bombs people hoping they will give him donations.)

Anyways, do NPDs tend to give backhanded compliments? I'm distancing myself from this man now because I've noticed how he seems to subtly point out flaws. Wondering if I could be correct or maybe I'm just overly sensitive.

Thank you for reading, and for replying. :)
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Re: Giving backhanded compliments = Sx of NPD?

Postby Elinct » Thu Oct 16, 2014 3:49 pm

I am a non but I think the answer is most certainly yes.
I have no idea if the guy who you are talking about is truly NPD or not but in my experience not only was this part of the MO of my ex (who was)but
he had a laser focus when it came to cutting me down . It would be couched in a " In all honesty"
moment .It was very hurtful and he seemed to have some kind of radar for what would cut most deep.

i always get a lot of good insight when Esquire posts .
I believe him when he explains that the D & D is not some planned out malicious event but more of what happens because the person with NPD does not have the skills to behave differently . I get that and believe it to a large extent but the surgical precision with which mine could slowly erode my confidence between the lying ,cheating,gaslighting,and most
certainly those back handed compliments was ...well in hindsight seemed almost masterful and devious.

I believe he had no better way and could not help it but I am not sure it is that cut and dry .
sorry ...rambling
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