naykidd wrote:my lifes a wasteland. and ive always blamed my "drug problem".
but after three days of reading, on npd. it all makes sense, if thats even possible.
. i dont know what to do next, cause it looks like my problems are worse than i thought.until a few days ago i at least, thought i have some qualities, knowledge,[im a know it all] all my collecting [books,pottery, glass etc] my art,my work,or being the best carpenter around. hell, i even learned a couple beethoven piano sonatas, just to impress my impossible to impress father. im nothing...now i really need drugs.all that i am isnt me, now what? i want to go wake my biggest detractor, dad, and say its not my fault. is it?
Were you a golden child? If so, you probably achieve a lot as a way to get fuel having learned as a child. I learned to manage my father by becoming a nice trophy for him. Maybe this leads to borderline traits.
I consider myself more of an empath. Because i was golden to my father he tutored me. Showed me how he treated women so it wouldn't happen to me. Encouraged me to compete and not take crap.
So I'm nurturing and like to please and perform. But I don't take crap off people.
My struggle is to find calm in just being--to not always achieve something to feel good.