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Rebuilding our physical relationship...

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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby Havoctoria » Thu May 01, 2014 11:53 pm

I wish it could work in reverse; where having sex again could help me trust him as oppose to having to build trust in order to feel comfortable with sex again. It's hopeless.
So allein will ich nicht sein
Ich such dich unter jedem Stein
Ich schlaf mit einem Messer ein
Wo bist du? Wo bist du?


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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby InSpiritus » Fri May 02, 2014 2:02 am

I don't think he respects me. Especially not after times like this morning where he boldly tries to pull a fast one on me. Told me I said something I know damn well I didn't say and completely denied something HE said SEVERAL times, including mere minutes before the argument started!


Hmmm..sounds like he can be a real twat. Respect is a 2 way street. Do you respect him? I don't get that read from your other comments. And, previously you wrote he was an abusive dick. If that's the case, then it's not a wonder you have shut down in the sex dept. And your other altars don't like him. Gets complicated doesn't it?
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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby Havoctoria » Fri May 02, 2014 2:15 am

I admit... I don't really respect him as much as I should. In one way, I'm extremely dishonest with him. Maybe that's where a lot of my paranoia comes from. I do it all the time so I think he does it all the time. I'm surrounded by my own deception, so I see it everywhere. I'm getting ######6 scary-level paranoid.

He's not really "abusive". He's just a recovering douchebag and I take everything way harder than it needs to be.

Yeah, it's complicated. ._. Today I got accused of saying something I didn't say. I stood by my claim that I never said it because I believe I never said it. But what if I did? I wouldn't acknowledge to him that there's a possibility of me slipping up like that. At best, I would possibly be admitting to a mistake I didn't make and at worse, I would be letting on that I'm far more insane than he ever guessed. I just kept arguing. Eventually I "won", I guess, but now I still feel stupid 'cause... what if I said it?

I feel like an idiot. That sure doesn't help me get hot. :|
So allein will ich nicht sein
Ich such dich unter jedem Stein
Ich schlaf mit einem Messer ein
Wo bist du? Wo bist du?


Regina (host; diagnosed with BPD and MDD) | Gray | Helen | Len | Barb | and at least four others
Havoctoria
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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby InSpiritus » Fri May 02, 2014 2:50 am

Yeah, it's complicated. ._. Today I got accused of saying something I didn't say. I stood by my claim that I never said it because I believe I never said it. But what if I did? I wouldn't acknowledge to him that there's a possibility of me slipping up like that. At best, I would possibly be admitting to a mistake I didn't make and at worse, I would be letting on that I'm far more insane than he ever guessed. I just kept arguing. Eventually I "won", I guess, but now I still feel stupid 'cause... what if I said it?


Hmm...yeah. Kind of like deciding which battle hills to die on huh?

If it's not important to you, let him have that "victory". And if it IS important and you are certain, than No way.

Get the Balance right and quit beating yourself up over silly stuff. Honestly, just "own it" as the reality is who fundamentally gives a crap in the big picture? And even if you are wrong? So what? If he harps at you about it? Tells you more about Him, than anything else and *pfft* blow yer brains out buddy as why care about it?

Important VS Not Important.
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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby Havoctoria » Fri May 02, 2014 3:13 am

Warning: Pointless, obnoxious rant - I desperately need some sleep and I'll try to make more sense tomorrow

Beating myself up happens to be how I got into this whole feeling-bloody-retarded situation. If I didn't feel so bad about possibly having said something I didn't remember, I wouldn't have felt the need to go to such lengths to win the argument.

He still ######6 lied to me. I don't know how to not make a big deal out of someone sitting there in my face and telling me that THEY didn't say what I JUST heard them say. That kind of thing makes me wonder why I should believe him when he says, for example, that I... taste nice to him downthere. :oops: If he'd lie about something THAT dumb then why wouldn't he lie to loosen me up in the sack? What if he's secretly laughing at all my steamy confessions and just hoping I don't enjoy myself enough to somehow get in the way of him using his stupid cum-dumpster how he sees fit? Just like he does in CONVERSATION?!
So allein will ich nicht sein
Ich such dich unter jedem Stein
Ich schlaf mit einem Messer ein
Wo bist du? Wo bist du?


Regina (host; diagnosed with BPD and MDD) | Gray | Helen | Len | Barb | and at least four others
Havoctoria
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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby quarantined » Fri May 02, 2014 4:14 am

Havoctoria wrote:[...]

Every time i read your posts i get a boner for some reason.
Last edited by quarantined on Fri May 02, 2014 4:43 am, edited 2 times in total.
Dx: NPD, hypervigilant subtype
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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby InSpiritus » Fri May 02, 2014 4:36 am

^^^ teehee..

He still ######6 lied to me. I don't know how to not make a big deal out of someone sitting there in my face and telling me that THEY didn't say what I JUST heard them say.

Was it IMPORTANT? Or was he just being a dickwad?

That kind of thing makes me wonder why I should believe him when he says, for example, that I... taste nice to him downthere. :oops: If he'd lie about something THAT dumb then why wouldn't he lie to loosen me up in the sack?

If he's not lick'in at the same frequency, then you will know...

What if he's secretly laughing at all my steamy confessions and just hoping I don't enjoy myself enough to somehow get in the way of him using his stupid cum-dumpster how he sees fit? Just like he does in CONVERSATION?!

Because you are not a stupid cumdumpster my dear. Look at his actions. What does he DO. His lips flapping about and what not? Most guys are FOS anyways. Look at his actions. If he cheats on you? Kick his ass to the curb. That's a given, but depending on the severity of the rest? Try not to knock yourself out over the small stuff.

OR

You could start recording conversations to play back to him and see what he does...lol :twisted:
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Re: Rebuilding our physical relationship...

Postby Havoctoria » Fri May 02, 2014 1:40 pm

@quarantined: ;)

@InSpiritus: Important. Right. Gotta keep remembering that. ._. Well, I feel like it's pretty important but regardless, the argument's over. I should just get over it. I just think that when being a dickwad crosses over into trying to convince someone that they didn't JUST HEAR YOU say something they know you just said, it's time to start punching people (unless they're my boyfriend; when it's him, it's merely time to sit & pout).

I've thought about doing the tape-recorder thing a bunch of times and even brought it up to him, but came to the conclusion that our relationship is truly over when we have to start recording our conversations on tape and/or signing contacts.

So... I'm not sure what just happened over the past page of this thread. :shock: But I think we concluded that other relationship issues = lack of sex.
So allein will ich nicht sein
Ich such dich unter jedem Stein
Ich schlaf mit einem Messer ein
Wo bist du? Wo bist du?


Regina (host; diagnosed with BPD and MDD) | Gray | Helen | Len | Barb | and at least four others
Havoctoria
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 6058
Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 5:12 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 2:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (71)

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