Long time listener, first time caller

*sigh*

Yanks out handful of fiery tail feathers and shoves them up yer butt....

"Enlightenment"

The lashing out part, is a bad bad bad combination with someone just this side of ASPD and another of viewing existence.

BPM, as you are "aware" why is it soooooo impossible to say "sorry" when you fark up? I am curious about that aspect. Denial of the obvious when the evidence is so blatantly present, how does NPD thought processes farkle that simple thing? You'd think that a person was demanding that the offending party was being ordered to eat a rotting corpse, which I would not either, but to simply take responsibility for their own stupidity is an impossibility. Boggles the mind. And I doubled over laughing when I dealt with it, which led to contempt on my part for the other. Which is toxic to a r/s.

@ Strengthisbeauty

Sorry, taking this OT a wee bit, but I am also curious to know how you deal with that sort of thing with your husband. What occurs when he is denying his actions? How do you handle that and that of the kids?

lol, you are always talking about putting stuff up my butt, i have a girl now, you can't do that anymore


Well it is pretty damn rare for me to lash out, it really only happens to those very close to me. It takes a lot to get me to that point. But lots of unwarranted criticism is one thing that simply elicits a very strong reflexive anger.


yes, i can apologize if i act inapporiate , i have the decency to admit i am doing something incorrect and change my behavior. My lashing out carries justification. Trust me, i roll with people that have the potential to be rather venomous, the people that deserve to be lashed at sometimes

Thank you BPM, and I will leave your pretty tail feathers alone. I hope she is nice.

Frustrating is that it is the closest see the ugliest side of a person. Moderately guilty of the same, but then can be said of most r/s is my guess. It's the degree of the venom that makes it volatile. When it's children growing up witnessing that sort of behavior, it's brutal.

Reading the stories of the kids now adults raised by NPD parents and the fall out, it's pretty traumatic on a person. Each person/ child deals differently with it, I fired back with all cannons and then well...I was no princess but I can see the differences in how others have dealt with it and still wonder, What/ Why and How with relation to myself [ my narcissism here ] I am so damned different. Who knows?

phoenix_rising wrote:I don't understand all the negativity directed at the OP. Why does everyone assume that their own experience is the same as hers and her children. Maybe her children are happy and well adjusted, how do you know? It seems like people here are so angry about their own sh**** childhood that they can't see that anything else is possible.

I second that.
I am totally shocked how this thread turned into witch hunt by some 'nons'.

OP, I appreciate your attempt to offer a bit different story. Even though I have very limited empathy, I almost feel like apologizing to you for these negative and judgmental comments.
This thread made me feel really sad.

I feel sad too but for the Four children. The children should be the attention of the universe for the parent. But here, all the focus is on the father's issues and how their mother deals with it.

BabyPie wrote:I feel sad too but for the Four children. The children should be the attention of the universe for the parent. But here, all the focus is on the father's issues and how their mother deals with it.

Yep...but ...what can you do? Tell her to leave and let him rot? Best and only real solution to protect the kids. BUT....she doesn't want to hear that.

The whole "unconditional" love deal, is for children, not adults. He needs to get his crap together and she can do not a thing about it.

Those of us who grew up/were dragged up by parents with disorders usually had parents that weren't self aware..

Personally i think that if at any time at all i had been told what my parents problems were and that it wasn't my fault.. i'd have been able to deal with it..

Instead i took it all on my shoulders and drowned in it..



The Op knows what her partners problems are, their children know what their dad problems are.. perhaps.. just perhaps the relationship and their parenting skills are not doomed to failure..



All of you who have/had parents with disorders; if they had been open and honest about their issues and accepted them without pushing all the blame on to you = how would you be now..?


I just don't think it's fair to be blaming the self aware for the hell that you went through at the hands of the unaware and uncaring..

Peace to all and ((hugs)) if wanted.

You're right about that..

who knows? Hope for the best though for her and the kids and that he works on his issues as well.

Hugs back to you if you want.

If this had been an older couple without children most Nons would say "what's the harm" or "whatever floats your boat" type thing. They wouldn't want the wife to punish the husband for having a PD for no reason. But... when there are children involved that is no longer empathy... it becomes a LACK of empathy because now it is enablement, because there is harm involved. That's how it breaks down for most people. Empathy doesn't mean unconditional support for all.

One partner being self-aware about the situation should make a huge difference to the kids yes, and I think it would have for me too as a kid. But that's because the parent can say "mum/dad needs to feel that others see her/him as special and highly intelligent and that affects how she/he sees you and everything else" - that's what helps the kid. But here the OP is saying she talks up her husband and he is highly intelligent, special, charismatic... that's where she lost me.

Strength is beauty. I love your username. Thank you for coming out to speak. Who you love is not always a choice but a challenge. People have children or parents or friends who are disordered or disabled. I think there is definitely a point where one makes the choice to love and learn, or love and leave if that is an option. Learning or leaving are both brave choices. The main thing is to be safe. You seem to state that in your posts. Being safe and feeling safe are two different things. I think this is where I might be challenged in my situation. I am safe but I don't feel that way. Its hard to explain. I know that if a wild animal were to attack me my Narc boyfriend would come to my rescue. But, if I had no place to live he would not let me live with him. Conditions conditions conditions....