Ive read and read and researched and I feel so lost. Trying to find some answers about my wife and perhaps that she is narcissistic in addition to the walk away wife syndrome that seems to have occurred.
Wife 35 yrs old, marriage once previously, 2 children (now 17 and 13). Left her first husband b/c she accused him of adultery, but left the home and children with the husband (whom they now spend most of their time with)
She was sexually abused by her father as a child which she never sought help for in resolving that psychological issue.
Her and I were married and have been for 9yrs currently. We are now separated and have been for 8 months. Beginning of marriage was fine, but for last 4 yrs has been a little tough mainly because of illnesses she has suffered and multiple surgeries. Bariatric surgery (though she didnt do any post surgical psych follow ups, and that surgery type can be very hard on people mentally), partial hysterctomy with no hormone replacement therapy follow up, then a severe infection which almost killed her, and subsequent surgeries on her abdomen. All this in last 3-4 yrs. Last June 2013, she began acting strange after we just had a glorious 5-6 months of a much improved marriage, we spoke about her behavior, she said she wanted a divorce and was moving out. I was stunned. I inquired about it being another guy, she denied, however a week later I caught her with that guy. (guy is married with a one year old child, coworker of hers). She moved out, I helped her move because she had no one to help her despite that I did NOT want my marriage over. I just always did and did and did for her no matter how bad it hurt me. At first we were cordial, speaking, then in Sept 13 she became nastier with me, and in Oct I tried a 180. I ignored her which actually backfired on me cause she went along with and didnt bother with me at all. Ignored me through Sept anniversary, my bday in November and Christmas. Even told her children I helped raise since they were 7 and 3 not to talk to me. She simultaneously destroyed good friendships with others and to some degree, has pushed her children away. Desperately, I just filed for divorce in Dec for adultery to which she "checked the box" on paper stating she was going along with it, though she never admitted it to my face. Now in legal limbo for a little bit. She went into hospital a few days ago for a few days, didnt tell me. I found out, and went to see her, she didnt want me there so I gave a get well card that she accepted and I left.
So.......besides a possible walk away wife syndrome, is it possible my wife is a narcissist?? Any hope here?? Other things to consider are, she has problem admitting wrongdoing, does not apologize, shows nearly zero empathy for anyone else, is always a "woe is me" moment, plays the role of "victim" very very well, literally ignores me to the point where I feel nonexistent now, and never took anything that bothered me or worried me over the years as serious. She wasnt always like this, just last few years, especially after the damn bariatric surgery. (her weight now is good, but overall she isnt healthy). If she is narcissistic, did the devaluation stage just last longer since she was not like this to me for the whole marriage??
I appreciate any insight please. This whole thing losing my wife and marriage has taken a severe toll on me in many ways and Im desperate for any kind of answers. Thank you. Anything I may have left out, please ask.