blank identity wrote:Officially, I am a borderline. Unofficially, I don't know, that's still to be determined. But I can say, that I have become very suicidal and severely depressed when losing a major source of supply. This has happened to me on more than one occasion.
I'm not saying that others would experience that, just that I have in the past.
blank identity wrote:People have NOT done it for me, or I wouldn't be in this position. You are wrong in that regard. I have a *partial* picture of myself. Even shrinks make mistakes.
My figuring myself out is not a coping mechanism, it is an attempt to find identity. To find myself. I have no identity, no sense of my Self at all. I never have.
By having labels, it explains my behaviors, thoughts, compulsions, and the reasons behind it, and thusly, helps me to find myself in them. I have extreme black and white thinking. I have terrible trouble with grey areas. My mind needs something tangible to hold on to. To say yes, this is me. It's how my obsessive mind works.
The last psychiatrist I saw said in her evaluation that I have "obsessions and ruminations over his identity", and I'm "trying to find himself in the truth", and that's exactly it.
Either way, I am incredibly self-absorbed in that respect, and it makes no difference to me either way. My mind hungers for answers, and I hunger for identity, and that's that.
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