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Lost another friend becaue of NPD

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Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby The Narcissist » Fri Dec 20, 2013 9:18 am

Had known him and is wife & kids for 10 years. The guy had serious depression and I was talked with him once in a while to cheer him up.

I had also had a lot of opportunity to talk to his wife because she was friends with my wife and would come over nearly every day. So I know both sides of the story very well

On this last visit I finally unlocked one of the reasons he was having trouble climbing out of this depression. His wife was a secret NPD. (fairly mild as far as we go but enough to make it conclusive.)

So I knew a few modifications that they could do and make it work for them. I called them both up, sent them e-mails and told them to meet up with me on the weekend. I was going to save their marriage!! (so I thought)

I finally got back an angry message, "I will consider any further correspondence between you, me or my wife as harassment."

Saying I was really sorry I crossed the line didn't help,... so for now on NC.
oh well. Let the N eat my friend alive.
[Bleeding-heart Overt Narcissist] Official Diagnosis: NPD, Genius, DDNOS(Sadist, Saint, The Analyst, ...?), Bipolar-1, Anxiety, ADHD, sexDaily (Dyslexia), Asperger's Syndrome, and good-looking.
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby Pink01 » Fri Dec 20, 2013 9:22 am

Bummer...sorry about that.
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby Yorkshirelass » Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:17 am

The narcissist
So I knew a few modifications that they could do and make it work for them. I called them both up, sent them e-mails and told them to meet up with me on the weekend. I was going to save their marriage!! (so I thought)

Oh dear.

Thats the sort of thing I would do. Logically it seems helpful, if people can understand each other and face the truth thats got to be good, right?
I lost a friend, she has difficulty with her mother. The mother is clearly NPD, so I told my mate thinking it would help. She went apes##t said there is "Nothing wrong with my mother". Shes not speaking now.
I don't get it. Realising my mother was NPD helped me no end, for the first time I could understand her and handle her better.
Best of all I realised that I was not at fault after all, mother had a PD!
Why are people so illogical?
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby Kiskiskis » Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:38 am

I am sorry :(
But perhaps the situation will calm down.
Are you absolutely sure that it is NPD?
If it doesn't seem serious, it could be any other PD.

I also agree, I do not know where the boundaries are. What is appropriate.
Then things go over. In general situations where I'm angry.
Awareness of the issue again, makes me cautious.
So, I'm either offensive, or careful/invisible.
A good combo...
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby Odessa » Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:53 am

Pink01 wrote:Bummer...sorry about that.


:lol: I love Pink01 to the OP I am sorry to hear that it sad when a friendship ends. And you having npd does not make it better. Please understand you are not the cause of the npd. If you want to remain friends with them work on it. Apologize I know it is hard but search deep down and try
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby Nightdrive » Fri Dec 20, 2013 11:17 am

How many emails did you send them, and how were they worded? Their marriage is none of your business. It sounds to me as if you miscalculated your approach and overstepped the mark.
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby jesienna31 » Fri Dec 20, 2013 11:34 am

If this is a real personality disorder on her part then she is definately in denial. No one would like to admit and agree with anyone that says... "Hey... I know why you guys are struggling in your relationship, it is beacuse one of you has a NPD". No one would like to hear that. I guess you just need to leave them alone...
I wouldn't now say anything more, just write an email to your friend rather then her and say that you will leave him alone but he should research for his own sake NPD and assess by himself if there is such problem in his relationship. That the reason you told them so is beacause you truly care about his happiness and you were trying to help. Just leave it at that and let him come to you. You did your best to help. This is what should matter. It is up to them if they now take the responsibility for their relationship and try to find the reasons behind what has been going on.
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby white flower » Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:33 pm

I never understood why, when people draw you into their problems (actively make you a part of it by seeking your friendship, advice, company, etc.) they turn around and say "none of your business" when you naturally try to help. They trusted you with personal info. then pull the harassment card as a defense mechanism when you invest yourself to help. It's confusing and I'm sorry he pushed you away. My opinion is that there are a lot of emotions involved so his behavior is not going to make sense. I think some men get defensive when they need to organize things emotionally. Try not to see it as being black and white...perhaps he will change his mind once he decides how to handle everything that's been thrown at him. Maybe doctors or other friends are overwhelming him and the reality of it all has made him want to disappear until he can come up with a solution.
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby VioletAasA » Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:23 pm

In this friendship, you invested yourself in various ways, and it turned out bad. I have no doubt that your intentions were honest and positive.

I would be really interested to hear how do you feel about the whole episode and that friendship.
What lays behind the sentence "let N eat my friend alive"?
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Re: Lost another friend becaue of NPD

Postby VioletAasA » Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:34 pm

white flower wrote:I never understood why, when people draw you into their problems (actively make you a part of it by seeking your friendship, advice, company, etc.) they turn around and say "none of your business" when you naturally try to help.


I think that this is very good point, and that happens a lot.

There are just a few things to be considered:
- More often that not, people just want someone to be there and listen; sometimes they use us for that
- it is not clear whether @the narcissist's friend asked for advice; according to the post, @the N. was doing his best to cheer his friend up, and the friend accepted this; the narcissist didn't say that his friend was whining and complaining about his wife
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