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Narc under stress....

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Narc under stress....

Postby narcsurvivor » Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:50 am

....and the mask is coming off. My husband is a diagnosed classic narc and smart enough to be aware of this. Due to his fathers failing health and our financial woes he has bee under a lot of stress, much of which he has created himself.

Old narc injuries are appearing. He has been in touch with old girl friends that "dumped him" demanding an explanation. Some of them have contacted me privately asking me what the hell was going on, these injuries are from 30 years ago. Apparently he has not forgotten.

Add to this this some mania. Any you have a recipe for disaster.
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Re: Narc under stress....

Postby purple tulips » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:00 am

narcsurvivor wrote:....and the mask is coming off. My husband is a diagnosed classic narc and smart enough to be aware of this. Due to his fathers failing health and our financial woes he has bee under a lot of stress, much of which he has created himself.

Old narc injuries are appearing. He has been in touch with old girl friends that "dumped him" demanding an explanation. Some of them have contacted me privately asking me what the hell was going on, these injuries are from 30 years ago. Apparently he has not forgotten.

Add to this this some mania. Any you have a recipe for disaster.



He needs supply would be my guess. If he is tolerating you go somewhere public, grocery store, bowling or some leisure activity where you praise him for winning in front of an audience. Just a suggestion.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure, that you are not in fact surrounding yourself with assholes.
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Re: Narc under stress....

Postby The Narcissist » Fri Nov 29, 2013 3:12 am

Code: Select all
Add to this this some mania. Any you have a recipe for disaster.


Amen to that. NPD + mania never ends well.
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Re: Narc under stress....

Postby VioletAasA » Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:23 pm

narcsurvivor wrote:....and the mask is coming off. My husband is a diagnosed classic narc and smart enough to be aware of this. Due to his fathers failing health and our financial woes he has bee under a lot of stress, much of which he has created himself.

Old narc injuries are appearing. He has been in touch with old girl friends that "dumped him" demanding an explanation. Some of them have contacted me privately asking me what the hell was going on, these injuries are from 30 years ago. Apparently he has not forgotten.

Add to this this some mania. Any you have a recipe for disaster.



I don't understand what the goal of this thread is.

Here is what I read:
-You don't have any respect for your husband.
-You resent him.
-The two of you don't have good communication because you didn't ask him why he is contacting old girlfriends. Instead, you have your conclusion about injuries, whatever it means, but somehow sounds like 'his carma is catching him, he he'. What if he is looking into himself and trying to understand? Or he is simply looking for supply? You will never really know unless you ask.
-It sounds like you enjoy that he is under stress and you are definitely deciding how much stress he should have. There is no sensitivity towards his stress.

Well, maybe you do have good reasons for all of that.

However!
If he is that bad, why are you in this marriage?
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Re: Narc under stress....

Postby VioletAasA » Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:23 pm

narcsurvivor wrote:....and the mask is coming off. My husband is a diagnosed classic narc and smart enough to be aware of this. Due to his fathers failing health and our financial woes he has bee under a lot of stress, much of which he has created himself.

Old narc injuries are appearing. He has been in touch with old girl friends that "dumped him" demanding an explanation. Some of them have contacted me privately asking me what the hell was going on, these injuries are from 30 years ago. Apparently he has not forgotten.

Add to this this some mania. Any you have a recipe for disaster.



I don't understand what the goal of this thread is.

Here is what I read:
-You don't have any respect for your husband.
-You resent him.
-The two of you don't have good communication because you didn't ask him why he is contacting old girlfriends. Instead, you have your conclusion about injuries, whatever it means, but somehow sounds like 'his carma is catching him, he he'. What if he is looking into himself and trying to understand? Or he is simply looking for supply? You will never really know unless you ask.
-It sounds like you enjoy that he is under stress and you are definitely deciding how much stress he should have. There is no sensitivity towards his stress.

Well, maybe you do have good reasons for all of that.

However!
If he is that bad, why are you in this marriage?

-- Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:26 pm --

The Narcissist wrote:
Code: Select all
Add to this this some mania. Any you have a recipe for disaster.


Amen to that. NPD + mania never ends well.


If I remember well your ex wife has BPD.
As you pointed out somewhere else, you feel like making up for your past behaviour.

It seems to me that you are taking all responsibility for your marriage. BDP is also PD. I am wondering if this is, in fact, an easy exit.
Maybe you should start looking into your side, learn from it and forgive yourself.
The most painful kind of judgment is self-judgment.


Does that make sense at all?
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Re: Narc under stress....

Postby The Narcissist » Sat Nov 30, 2013 8:24 pm

If I remember well your ex wife has BPD.


My x-wife has Bipolar 2 (closer to MDD). We had a 15 year relationship. still kind of ongoing.

It was after my divorce I had a 10 month rebound relationship with a BDP.

Both relationship were traumatic because of the mix of all the disorders (mine and theirs) involved.

As you pointed out somewhere else, you feel like making up for your past behaviour.


Not really sure what I am doing, just trying to be happy, but probably seeking short term relief for pain causes me longer term unhappiness. Think this is common for many.

It seems to me that you are taking all responsibility for your marriage.


That one goes back and forth. sometimes I blame her more, sometimes I blame myself more. We both contributed to the problems. My major problems right now is I am not happy were I am currently in life and not sure how fix that, and even when I have a few good ideas that should lead to a better life for me I have a problem executing and following through.
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Re: Narc under stress....

Postby VioletAasA » Sat Nov 30, 2013 9:43 pm

The Narcissist wrote:
If I remember well your ex wife has BPD.


My x-wife has Bipolar 2 (closer to MDD). We had a 15 year relationship. still kind of ongoing.

It was after my divorce I had a 10 month rebound relationship with a BDP.

Both relationship were traumatic because of the mix of all the disorders (mine and theirs) involved.

And they are both probably on Lisa Scott's site crying how these relationships were traumatic for them and how insensitive you are .... Just being cynical :)


As you pointed out somewhere else, you feel like making up for your past behaviour.


Not really sure what I am doing, just trying to be happy, but probably seeking short term relief for pain causes me longer term unhappiness. Think this is common for many.

Great insight.

It seems to me that you are taking all responsibility for your marriage.


That one goes back and forth. sometimes I blame her more, sometimes I blame myself more. We both contributed to the problems. My major problems right now is I am not happy were I am currently in life and not sure how fix that, and even when I have a few good ideas that should lead to a better life for me I have a problem executing and following through.


I think that I understand you. You seem to be quite honest with yourself.
I hope you don't mind if I give you some ideas.
This is what I am doing. Researching and looking into different ways to work on myself.
You need help, it is too hard to work on a personal disorder on your own. Research and try to find out what you think would be the most helpful.
Are you on a therapy?
I found a group therapy very helpful.
Look into DNMS and EMDR
Find out about mindfulness and MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction).
There is the thread about narcissism and Buddhism on this forum and an incredible post about experience with Vipassana.
Also on this thread someone mentioned child work.

Does that help?
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