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If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

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If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby infinite_questions » Wed Oct 09, 2013 9:55 pm

There is this guy that I'm sleeping with, that I suspect is a narcissist. We have sex maybe once or twice a week. In the beginning he tried to play me, pretending to want a relationship but I realized it was just a game. Since I am sexually attracted I continue to see him, but told him that he needs to stop trying to play me, and that I don't want anything more than a FWB. Even after I made this clear, he still continues to try to "trap" me into wanting more, telling me that he wants to be together, that I am the "only" girl for him, that he loves me. I know this is all #######4 because he only says these things when we are having sex, outside of the bedroom I am completely ignored.

What I don't understand is why he continues to try to play me even though he doesn't have to, since I've already agreed to consensual sex. Also, he "forces" me to say things that I am uncomfortable with, like, "I love you", "I miss you", etc. If I don't say these things, he becomes very angry, and does things like yanking my hair extremely hard, shaking me, pushing on me, bites hard enough to leave bruises/to bleed until I say these words. Lately I've refused, and talk down to him, calling him an asshole and that he means nothing to me. We still have sex, but afterwards he won't even look at me. He acts like he hates me, talks bad about me to other people, posts cheap shots about me on facebook.

I usually just ignore him, and have fun in my life. He always comes back, and it's always with over-the-top declarations of love. We usually hook up again, but then the cycle begins. Why does he come back if he hates me so much?
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby leeanne1 » Wed Oct 09, 2013 11:27 pm

I would try to find someone who doesn't beat me up to have sex with. :shock:
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby BlueFlower » Thu Oct 10, 2013 12:00 am

He hates that you don't want him like he thinks you should.

IDK, I think I'd find a man, not sleep with a frustrated little boy who plays games.
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby never.give.up » Thu Oct 10, 2013 12:17 am

infinite_questions wrote:There is this guy that I'm sleeping with, that I suspect is a narcissist. We have sex maybe once or twice a week. In the beginning he tried to play me, pretending to want a relationship but I realized it was just a game. Since I am sexually attracted I continue to see him, but told him that he needs to stop trying to play me, and that I don't want anything more than a FWB. Even after I made this clear, he still continues to try to "trap" me into wanting more, telling me that he wants to be together, that I am the "only" girl for him, that he loves me. I know this is all #######4 because he only says these things when we are having sex, outside of the bedroom I am completely ignored.

What I don't understand is why he continues to try to play me even though he doesn't have to, since I've already agreed to consensual sex. Also, he "forces" me to say things that I am uncomfortable with, like, "I love you", "I miss you", etc. If I don't say these things, he becomes very angry, and does things like yanking my hair extremely hard, shaking me, pushing on me, bites hard enough to leave bruises/to bleed until I say these words. Lately I've refused, and talk down to him, calling him an asshole and that he means nothing to me. We still have sex, but afterwards he won't even look at me. He acts like he hates me, talks bad about me to other people, posts cheap shots about me on facebook.

I usually just ignore him, and have fun in my life. He always comes back, and it's always with over-the-top declarations of love. We usually hook up again, but then the cycle begins. Why does he come back if he hates me so much?


I think the more important question is, why do you keep letting him come back if he hates you so much?
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby beachbabe » Thu Oct 10, 2013 7:39 pm

never.give.up wrote:I usually just ignore him, and have fun in my life. He always comes back, and it's always with over-the-top declarations of love. We usually hook up again, but then the cycle begins. Why does he come back if he hates me so much?


Gotta say, I'm confused?
Why do you want him back if he hates you so much?

You're completely cognizant of what's going on, yet you're still playing his sick game.
Sounds incredibly twisted, I can't imagine having consensual sex with someone who abuses me.

Don't you deserve better? FWB or not.
I hope you move on and find a healthy love interest.
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby TheHyperMasculineOne » Thu Oct 10, 2013 7:46 pm

infinite_questions wrote:There is this guy that I'm sleeping with, that I suspect is a narcissist. We have sex maybe once or twice a week. In the beginning he tried to play me, pretending to want a relationship but I realized it was just a game. Since I am sexually attracted I continue to see him, but told him that he needs to stop trying to play me, and that I don't want anything more than a FWB. Even after I made this clear, he still continues to try to "trap" me into wanting more, telling me that he wants to be together, that I am the "only" girl for him, that he loves me. I know this is all #######4 because he only says these things when we are having sex, outside of the bedroom I am completely ignored.

What I don't understand is why he continues to try to play me even though he doesn't have to, since I've already agreed to consensual sex. Also, he "forces" me to say things that I am uncomfortable with, like, "I love you", "I miss you", etc. If I don't say these things, he becomes very angry, and does things like yanking my hair extremely hard, shaking me, pushing on me, bites hard enough to leave bruises/to bleed until I say these words. Lately I've refused, and talk down to him, calling him an asshole and that he means nothing to me. We still have sex, but afterwards he won't even look at me. He acts like he hates me, talks bad about me to other people, posts cheap shots about me on facebook.

I usually just ignore him, and have fun in my life. He always comes back, and it's always with over-the-top declarations of love. We usually hook up again, but then the cycle begins. Why does he come back if he hates me so much?

you may want to research borderline personality disorder, cuz u obviously keep coming back for the whole pacakge.
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby NightBreed » Fri Oct 11, 2013 5:00 am

The simple fact that you're sitting here wondering why he keeps coming back for more should answer your question. He has successfully pulled you in albeit in a very crude way- you have taken the bait. Case in point:

You allow him to publicly devalue you

You settle for no real interaction with him other than sex

You tolerate his abusive behavior

Each instance is a test, how far he can push you. You are getting absolutely nothing good out of this relationship. The more erratic and puzzling his behavior the more you will obsess on why he's like this, you will think about him more than anyone else in your life and you won't even know why.
' I'm just burning burning all my time away, won't you come and sit by the fire with me' -Sheer Terror
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby infinite_questions » Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:57 am

beachbabe wrote:Why do you want him back if he hates you so much?

The sex is good. We have really good chemistry/strong attraction to each other. I like the attention I get from him when he's pushing to come back.

beachbabe wrote:Don't you deserve better? FWB or not.


Yes, I do.


NightBreed wrote:The simple fact that you're sitting here wondering why he keeps coming back for more should answer your question. He has successfully pulled you in albeit in a very crude way- you have taken the bait. Case in point:

You allow him to publicly devalue you

You settle for no real interaction with him other than sex

You tolerate his abusive behavior

Each instance is a test, how far he can push you. You are getting absolutely nothing good out of this relationship. The more erratic and puzzling his behavior the more you will obsess on why he's like this, you will think about him more than anyone else in your life and you won't even know why.


Thank you for pointing that out, as you are very right. I have completely underestimated him. Do you think he is a narcissist, or maybe something worse?
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby NightBreed » Fri Oct 11, 2013 8:58 pm

It's hard to say if he's a narcissist. He's obviously disordered. He's manipulating you and trying to control you. To him it seems like he's messing with your mind, probably on purpose and who cares for what reason. Although drawing you into his warped world might have something to do with it.

You should just cut all ties with him, it will only get worse. I doubt he even sees you as a person with feelings. You would be fighting a losing battle. It's very frustrating when you have a problem in life that you can't understand or find any real solution for.

Even after you cut ties with him the way he treated you will haunt you for some time but you will move on and you're lucky enough to have caught on to his maladaptive behavior before he was really able to dig his claws into you.

good luck
' I'm just burning burning all my time away, won't you come and sit by the fire with me' -Sheer Terror
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Re: If you withhold narcissitic supply?...

Postby infinite_questions » Sun Oct 13, 2013 8:14 am

NightBreed wrote:It's hard to say if he's a narcissist. He's obviously disordered. He's manipulating you and trying to control you. To him it seems like he's messing with your mind, probably on purpose and who cares for what reason. Although drawing you into his warped world might have something to do with it.

You should just cut all ties with him, it will only get worse. I doubt he even sees you as a person with feelings. You would be fighting a losing battle. It's very frustrating when you have a problem in life that you can't understand or find any real solution for.

Even after you cut ties with him the way he treated you will haunt you for some time but you will move on and you're lucky enough to have caught on to his maladaptive behavior before he was really able to dig his claws into you.

good luck



Thank you. That was a very helpful and well thought out response. I will stay away from him, I can easily do better.
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