Why are the Narcs here so nice?

Sometimes when I read the advice given by narcs in this forum, I think they sound like caring people, for instance, they tell nons to stay away from their exnarcs. I don't understand why a narc would give such advice.

Why are the Narcs here so nice and caring?

mina_v wrote:Sometimes when I read the advice given by narcs in this forum, I think they sound like caring people, for instance, they tell nons to stay away from their exnarcs. I don't understand why a narc would give such advice.

Why are the Narcs here so nice and caring?

Narcs are often nice and caring when it doesn't go against their interest.

For example, helping people on the forum removes my doubt about being smart and knowing my $#%^

I'm just being a smartass and it helps people because I am somewhat smart. You'd think of me differently if you tried to prove I'm not smart But even then I would not insult you, I'm too afraid/paranoid to be aggresive towards people. You'll never persuade me of anything and I will go to great lengths to persuade you but I will never become aggressive, when the need arises I will become passive-aggressive and just leave.

like he said narcs especially cerebral ones like helping others in an advising manner as it reinsures their brightness so to speak, along the fact that through you he is defeating another narc at their own game.

OP, please keep several things in mind.

1) Narcissists who are non-Malignant are not sadistic people. Non-Malignant Narcs do not seek to cause pain. The pain that they cause simply happens because of the manner in which the Narcissist's personality is organized and how the Narc thusly interacts with the world around him. The Narcissist who is non-Malignant does not seek to hurt his spouse. But he will inevitably hurt her emotionally by being unable to truly love her. This not sadism. This is the natural result of having a psychology that prevents empathy and emotional attachment from taking place.

2) There are many reasons that Narcissists might benefit from "helping" others on this site. The Narcissists who come to a site like this are trying to work out their own psychology, and so talking with others about it is a way to help themselves work it out without admitting to a psychotherapist that they are disordered. By helping you, they are helping themselves. Also, Cerebral Narcissists gain supply from demonstrating their intelligence, brilliance, ability to write, reason, and understand, and this site gives Cerebrals yet another "audience."

3) Narcissists want you to like them. This is one of their driving forces --- to have a legion of adoring fans with whom there is no true intimacy or closeness.

VirginiaEsquire wrote:1) Narcissists who are non-Malignant are not sadistic people. Non-Malignant Narcs do not seek to cause pain. The pain that they cause simply happens because of the manner in which the Narcissist's personality is organized and how the Narc thusly interacts with the world around him. The Narcissist who is non-Malignant does not seek to hurt his spouse. But he will inevitably hurt her emotionally by being unable to truly love her. This not sadism. This is the natural result of having a psychology that prevents empathy and emotional attachment from taking place.

2) There are many reasons that Narcissists might benefit from "helping" others on this site. The Narcissists who come to a site like this are trying to work out their own psychology, and so talking with others about it is a way to help themselves work it out without admitting to a psychotherapist that they are disordered. By helping you, they are helping themselves. Also, Cerebral Narcissists gain supply from demonstrating their intelligence, brilliance, ability to write, reason, and understand, and this site gives Cerebrals yet another "audience."

3) Narcissists want you to like them. This is one of their driving forces --- to have a legion of adoring fans with whom there is no true intimacy or closeness.

This is a very good explanation of things VirginiaEsquire. I'm male with strong narc/HPD traits but if you met me in my professional capacity you'd never guess. You would probably think that I have an ENFJ personality but would be wrong. I am currently working on and trying to improve my negative traits since becoming self aware, but I suppose many of the reasons you give is also my motivation. Giving responses on these forums is all part of this process.

I come here because I have a lot of guilt about my actions and the pain I have caused and continue to cause others. This is a way for me to give back and try to understand how someone else is feeling when I abuse them. I’m also here to help people understand and help warn them of the dangers. I can’t speak on other people coming here so they can get narcissistic supply as my supply revolves around women I sleep with and my career. VirginaEsquire was very correct when he said narcissists don’t enjoy hurting others. I use to be oblivious to my actions, now that I’m not; it’s hard to rationalize some of them. But I still do it none the less, I might not be as vicious and absent minded as I was but it would be a lie to say that I don’t go around hurting people. I have major issues with the opposite sex and my whole disorder mainly revolves around that. If I can offer you one word of advice; it’s that at the end of the day NO ONE deserves to be with a narcissist. No matter how charming, sweet, caring, or thoughtful he or she might seem. It’s a mask. We will pull it on you until we feel like it’s not necessary anymore. After 2 years of therapy I still do it (besides this website, there’s no need for me to waste any energy being fake here, another reason why I like it). In every situation I have to analyze and decided what foot will get me ahead and although it’s very efficient and ingrained in my head it’s also very energy draining and causes a lot of pent up aggression (why do I have to put on an act to be accepted). Oh did I mention that it’s VERY ENERGY DRAINING but I digress. Please try and get yourself some help and stay away from narcissists. At the end of the day we love ourselves to the point of disregarding others and will say and do anything to get you to think otherwise.

Persian Stud wrote:(why do I have to put on an act to be accepted)
......At the end of the day we love ourselves to the point of.....

The biggest conflict. Why put on an act then.