How to deal with a possible narcissistic child?

I am very worried about my 8 year old niece. She is showing a lot of narcissistic traits a such a young age that are becoming more and more apparent as she gets older. Here are some traits I have noticed.

At her sister birthday party who turned 5, she was trying so hard to be in control, like getting the other kids to do what she wanted to do even though it went against what her mother had told her. When her mom told her "no" she would whine, tell her mom that she's so mean, try to rationalize it to get her way and proceed to try again after she has been told not to. Around the adults she would do things to get attention. It was like she was mad because she wasn't the center of attention, it wasn't her day to shine. Once she figured out that it wasn't going to go her way, she would isolate herself and pout.

One of the things she loves to do is to draw, paint and color. I am pretty decent at it myself and will occasionally paint do artist work for a fun hobby. If she came over to my house and took notice to any new art I created, she would want to do the same exact thing. Like if I painted a landscape, she would paint a landscape and try to make it look just like mine. Then she asked me if I thought she'd be better at art then me someday. I thought that was a strange thing to say to someone. Then she would either look for a compliment or be very upset if she thought her work didn't look up to her own personal standards.

One day her and her sister came over to play with my daughter who is 5, same age as her sibling. I have a play room in the basement filled with toys for the kids. I had the basement torn apart because I was doing some rearranging and reorganizing and I specifically told her i did not want them in the basement at this time. But once my back is turned they go down the basement anyways. I should have made them come back upstairs but I didn't because I was feeling ill and had bad anxiety due to side effects from this new medication I was prescribed. I came down there later to find out she had ripped a couple of garbage bags open full of stuffed animals I was going to take to goodwill and had them all over.

Just about every time she comes over she always asks me if she can have "this." Most of the time I tell her no. When I do tell her know she will try to manipulate me into thinking its something I owe her or tell me I am mean because came bring home a treasure from my house.

When her and her sister and my daughter get together there is always problems. She is always instigates drama, mostly being mean to her sister and singling her out and making the kids do what she wants to. Otherwise if its just my daughter and her sister, there is hardly ever any problems.

Another thing I noticed is when I hear my daughter talking to her, she will ignore whatever it was she said and begin talking about something she wants to say. I can tell it frustrates her when she does this because she will repeat it a few times until she finally replies back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this kid needs therapy. I can't tell her mom because she won't do anything about it anyways. It's to the point where I can't stand being around her and I hate that I feel that way. I love having her sister come over to play with my daughter because they play together but not when she's around but unfortunately they come in a pair most of the time.

Does this sound like early narcissistic traits? Is there anything I can do to try and get through to her or something I can do to help the situation when she comes around. Like reverse psychology...anything at all! Thanks

She could be narcissistic. My sister is a narcissist, she was like it from the get go. Loud, demanding, bossy, controlling, a bully, greedy, entitled and had to be centre of attention.
I have a niece of 5 years old, and she is the same. She has good (normal) parents but her traits are more like those of her grandmother.
Very determined, very loud, she rebels and resents being told what to do. Her worse behaviour happens if she is not the centre of attention, she finds that unbearable.
She has two normal brothers (different father) who love her, but my, she is a madam. Almost uncontrollable.
Now I know most young children will 'play up' occasionally and have a temper tantrum but with her its more than that.
Narcissism does run in our family.
Will therapy work?
Um. Dunno. It might help mitigate her behaviour so worth a try I suppose.
I believe narcissists are born like that, ( a low functioning Amigula maybe) their environment does matter of course as it does with everyone, but I don't think therapy it will stop her narcissism (if that's what it is) no more than therapy will change a gay person into a heterosexual.

[quote="lalaland27"]I am very worried about my 8 year old niece. She is showing a lot of narcissistic traits a such a young age that are becoming more and more apparent as she gets older.

Although the roots of NPD may develop as early as the age of 6 or before, and that one of its main causes can be 'spoiling' the child, yet NPD doesn't become a full blown disorder except sometime after puberty. I don't think it is even possible to diagnose it before that age. So, I assume that by 'narcissism' you mean behavioral problems, not NPD. Such problems could always be fixed at that age. Especially if the parents take the time to read enough about the natue of their childrens behavioral problems and get proper advice. There are many places that offer moderately good advice online for free, like this one:
http://www.babycenter.com/302_8-years-old_3657636.bc

Having said that, my opinion (as a no expert on the subject) is that the attitude you mentioned is very common. Not the best imaginable attitude of an 8 year old, I agree, but defiantly not a major behavioral problem developing into something pathological.

KingNothing is right. Children are narcissistic as is and I doubt NPD diagnosis is possible before puberty if not before adulthood.

KingNothing, you are not a parent are you?

Such problems could always be fixed at that age. Especially if the parents take the time to read enough about the natue of their childrens behavioral problems and get proper advice.

Idealistic, and all fine and dandy, in theory.
Read a book, get advice that I'll sort it out. Yeah right!!
Though I'm all for getting as much advice as possible and being informed as possible, if a child has behavioural problems by the age of 5, whether it be nature of nurture it will not easily 'fixed'

A degree of narcissism is natural in young children, the 'terrible twos' is the time when a toddler is frustrated that they do not always get their own way and gets annoyed if they are not the centre of attention, but it passes and things get easier.
Its a milestone.
For some, a small minority (narcissists) never leave this stage. For ever the demanding toddler.
To believe narcissism is caused by spoiling the child, no, but it sure makes a narcissist worse even more entitled and grandiose.
I know 'Golden Children' who are narcissists (like my sister) but I also know neglected children (like my father) and children treated normally (like my niece) who are narcissists.
It tends to run in families and is not just about nurture, there is a strong genetic component at work too.

You two are no way parents are you!!

KingNothing and addx are correct. (And yes, before you ask, I AM a parent). So is KingNothing, I believe you can read about that in some of his previous posts on another thread. I don't know about addx, though.

Young children and teenagers are extremely narcissistic. That's normal. If a child is a raving narcissist at the age of 8, all hope is NOT lost... genetics or no genetics. At the age of 8, it is narcissism going UNCHECKED that can grow into a problem. It is all about how the parents deal with this child. Even more important than therapy is how her parents deal with her overbearing personality on a day to day basis. If they encourage her bad behavior, or even just ignore it, they could be opening themselves up to a world of trouble as she gets older.

Just as often as nice kids can, (and do), go astray, spoiled/obnoxious kids can, (and do), grow into "normal" productive adults.

IamTitanium,
As a parent do you believe children are born with a personality?

Young children and teenagers are extremely narcissistic. That's normal. If a child is a raving narcissist at the age of 8, all hope is NOT lost... genetics or no genetics. At the age of 8, it is narcissism going UNCHECKED that can grow into a problem.

Not all children and teens are narcissistic, some are.
I believe narcissists are born not made, a good loving environment will mitigate the PD for sure, but they will still be narcissists.
Just like James Fallon is a still psychopath who was only saved from prison he believes, because he had an exceptionally good family.
He has used his ruthlessness to get to the top of his profession.

I believe they are born with a temperament.

Yes, all children DO go through narcissistic developmental stages. This is normal and healthy. There is a difference between high levels of narcissism and an actual diagnosable Personality Disorder. But I am not going to debate that again.

You can believe whatever you wish to believe. But I can tell you unequivocally that this issue is not nature vs nurture, it is a combination of both.