ITT narcs ask/give advice, but from N'S ONLY

For christsake guys, let him have his NPD. It's all bullshít either way, since there's no such thing as a personality disorder. So, to answer Dang's question: no, don't tell anyone you're sick in the head. That's never a good idea. If you genuinely feel you have some problem or weakness, find a way to better yourself, instead of complaining and crying over your "disorders". It's not like labelling yourself a narcissist suddenly changes everything, so stop being lazy and do something.

probably wrote:I think there is wisdom in what TkRage says. If he was misdiagnosed by professional doctors for a year, what do you expect get from an internet forum?

I expect to from the internet and forums the sharing of experiences and information that can lead me to understand myself and my psych problems.

now expecting a accurate diagnose from someone that doesn't even has a doctorate degree (which is the case for most 'therapists') can be a mind-blowing mission, not to mention the money you'll literally burn, dont forget to include medication and other therapy 'needs'.

Now im not an idiot and im not saying im smarter than anyone else here and im not trying to call anyone dumb, but dont we all have our moments of clarity and awareness of ourselves? if we dig and introspect our lifes and real motives theres so much we can learn about them and ourselves and our motivations; and for all this, no 'therapist' could ever have a clue without at least spending a lot of hours with you, and i mean a LOT.

*As an addition*
Introverted? Shy?

Narcissism is the person who wants to be in front of the camera, not the person who wants to be behind it. Narcissism is "look at me, aren't I wonderful?" Narcissism is the part of you that wants to be adored by everyone.

I'm not saying there isn't something wrong, but narcissists aren't shy or introverted, they are the exact opposite.

Please explain why cant a N be "shy or introverted".

I have N traits since childhood, i dont need a diagnose or a label, i need to move on with my life in healthy and better direction. Isn't that why people seek 'therapists' ? I know many of them miss their purpose along the way over the 'therapy' diagnose and over the caring/coping stage and also under the influence of drugs, and on n on, cause HEY! ive been there, done that.
and then you'll find yourself on the same exact 'place' or maybe even worse, or to not sound depressively disappointing, a few % get there and are better.

I suggest you read the definition of the word.

this is actually offensive, "read the definition", are you kidding me? do you have a clue how many hours ive spent over this ?

I really think people put too much weight on SV's inverted/introverted theory. One person with no qualifications who sits in front of a pile of books he's probably never read and calls him self a doctor, and every person who isn't outgoing and has a healthy amount of narcissism is suddenly an inv narc.

not sure what to say here, i can just speak from my experience and that is good and serves my purpose.
not into theories that wont get me anywhere. i like to read, but i have decent filters and a good ability to discern the good, the bad, and usual propaganda trash.

Etzel wrote:For christsake guys, let him have his NPD. It's all bullshít either way, since there's no such thing as a personality disorder. So, to answer Dang's question: no, don't tell anyone you're sick in the head. That's never a good idea. If you genuinely feel you have some problem or weakness, find a way to better yourself, instead of complaining and crying over your "disorders". It's not like labelling yourself a narcissist suddenly changes everything, so stop being lazy and do something.

tks for your words of advice, I admit to be lazy, but I dont think it has interference in this process of wellbeing im pursuing. The 'something' ive been working is to devote myself the best and to most time possible to my current job which is very work rewarding but also mind crushing and stressed some days. Ive been doing more sports/exercise too. I've explored and evaluated my future plans and goals in my life to a extend that I think its my 'healthy supply'.

But in regards to social life and family it bothers me a lot. I dont know how to proceed on this.
I've decreased my social interactions to the minimum I can handle (or I think I can) in order to not have supply and just focus on genuine interactions but that has been causing me a great deal of pain. I usually find myself on my day off on leisure events or just hanging with long-term non friends and I feel this emptiness and lack of interest in the whole think, I get kind frustrated and sometimes feel need to go to other place else but its just me getting bored.

I'm surprised that people on a narcissist forum are alien to the term "covert/shy narcissism". Maybe it's because they're just too self centered to notice! If you want more details on it just refer to the thread I made...

Shy/introverted doesn't automatically mean humble and modest. It just means you're not confident enough to speak more or get more attention but if it's offered on a plate, it will be snatched.


I'm a bit fuzzy on the fact you mention "friends" a lot. I'm a shy narc and have always rejected friendships due to a lack of empathy and interest. What has motivated you to seek them?

Seriously guys, why don't you stop failing at life and start ditching these stupid labels? They get you nowhere: they fix nothing. And the word "fix" is what matters here. You can only fix what's broken, and that you think you need fixing is the whole point here.

So, to get more specific, you're having trouble having "genuine interactions" and disposing of your "supply" needs. Whatever that means. Have you thought that perhaps everyone has "supply" needs? And is there any such thing as an "un-genuine" interaction? Aren't all interactions "genuine" by definition, whatever the hell that means?

The point here is that you have to ask yourself what's troubling you. If you crave for constant admiration from your peers, you have to ask yourself: why do I crave it so much? Do I really need this constant reminder from others that I'm good? Isn't it enough for me to know I'm good?

But we shall not be hypocrites here! Of course you like being admired! Whoever says he doesn't is lying. We only admire valuable things; being admired means we have value for someone; it means we are good — and everyone likes to be good. It only becomes a problem when you yourself doubt your value — and need to somehow cover your doubts from somewhere else. First question of conscience: Do you love yourself?

But moving on, let's not elude ourselves with "genuine" interactions — all interactions are genuine insofar they bring forth real (i.e. "genuine") consequences; this was never in question. What was and still is in question are the REASONS for those interactions. I myself get bored of people pretty quickly and prefer to meet newer and awesomer people. I like the rush. I like the seduction game. This does not mean having some long term friends doesn't have its uses for me. And that's the whole point. Second question of conscience: What do you want from others?

Sigh, it's always the same thing. The problem is never about "disorders" or "mental illnesses", but about a much rarer thing called intelligence.

And then you have retards here who are surprised and dumbfounded about people liking to have friends. Perhaps if they left their room more often and opened their eyes, they'd start getting a clue.

Etzel wrote:And then you have retards here who are surprised and dumbfounded about people liking to have friends. Perhaps if they left their room more often and opened their eyes, they'd start getting a clue.

What's funnier is pseudo intellectual, e-tough guys here steaming into threads and slinging "retard" at people because they don't share the personality and psychology they themselves have.

Way to go bud. I'm just sorry I can't be near you, for you to put a "kick me" flier on my back

Etzel im trying to get some peace of mind to elaborate on the answer, but its gonna sound like the reply I gave on perfectlynumb22 thread.

perfectlynumb22 wrote:I'm a bit fuzzy on the fact you mention "friends" a lot. I'm a shy narc and have always rejected friendships due to a lack of empathy and interest. What has motivated you to seek them?

I grew up under grandmother education on a 'retarded'/traditional (best words I could came up with) community/family environment.

At my 13yo she died of cancer and I understand the much efforts she made for me and the family under the circumstances we lived, but it was like hell.

I develop some 'healthy' friendships by then, but I always had very social limitations. I guess the open minded mother gave me freedom and I can say I lived very enthusiastic till my middle 20s when depression episodes started to show up.

The best way I can describe that I 'countered' my shyness was to bend/'get into' and a group of friends that would provide me social status and in some way shield me from the outsiders view. Among them all I had to do was be a part off the group and 'fit in', and to be honest that actually created some few long-term relationships till today. My motivations were to be happy and 'normal' like all the others, and at that age range thats a lot in common among people and besides all that enthusiastic grandiose fantasy you seek.

DangG wrote:

perfectlynumb22 wrote:I'm a bit fuzzy on the fact you mention "friends" a lot. I'm a shy narc and have always rejected friendships due to a lack of empathy and interest. What has motivated you to seek them?

I grew up under grandmother education on a 'retarded'/traditional (best words I could came up with) community/family environment.

At my 13yo she died of cancer and I understand the much efforts she made for me and the family under the circumstances we lived, but it was like hell.

I develop some 'healthy' friendships by then, but I always had very social limitations. I guess the open minded mother gave me freedom and I can say I lived very enthusiastic till my middle 20s when depression episodes started to show up.

The best way I can describe that I 'countered' my shyness was to bend/'get into' and a group of friends that would provide me social status and in some way shield me from the outsiders view. Among them all I had to do was be a part off the group and 'fit in', and to be honest that actually created some few long-term relationships till today. My motivations were to be happy and 'normal' like all the others, and at that age range thats a lot in common among people and besides all that enthusiastic grandiose fantasy you seek.

Thanks for sharing that. I figured that it was to do with your family environment being unsatisfying and you being in need of different supply.

I feel very sad on some level that I have never had any real friends since the age of 15 (I'm 31) and It's very unlikely I ever will get one again.

You mention that your motivation is to be "normal" but I suppose I have always detested that and rebelled against that as hard as possible.

I don't want to be a slave to any of society's conventions unless I absolutely have to and so having friends I would need to spend more time being "normal" and conforming and that's why the means has never been worth the end.

I'd like friends in an ideal world but I just can't drop the feelings of superiority and feel enough interest when faced with a potential friend.

To answer your original question. You shouldn't tell anyone you're a narc. I told my parents and I think I'm regretting it.

Etzel wrote:Seriously guys, why don't you stop failing at life and start ditching these stupid
labels? They get you nowhere: they fix nothing. And the word "fix" is what matters here. You can
only fix what's broken, and that you think you need fixing is the whole point here.

Yes I totally understand and agree with you, thats why im here on this forum, to find out where I
need to work to improve my condition, I may be somewhat shy but I have also a good fighting
posture and strenght.

So as you should have noticed by my posts, I want to fix/get better at social interactions.

So, to get more specific, you're having trouble having "genuine interactions" and disposing of
your "supply" needs. Whatever that means. Have you thought that perhaps everyone has
"supply" needs? And is there any such thing as an "un-genuine" interaction? Aren't all
interactions "genuine" by definition, whatever the hell that means?

Yes, all my life (till sometime ago when I found about my narc traits) I lived under those 'rules' so to say. I will try to explain my experience on this.

It comes a time when I totally 'cut' (discard, ignore) people in some way:
I can just forget about them overnight as on the next day im onto some other friends/supply.
I can make up lies and arguments in order to ditch people out of my life, even if we are close friends when theres some serious contact between us; I can do it with huge ability and zero guilty, especially if im feeling some high supply stuff is at stake.
I usually feed nons their 'healthy' supply, im can be a very sympathetic person and I like to help others (because I want my supply, and it will help me get there). But in my perception its a somewhat developed kind/helping mechanism towards people to make up and compensate for the fact that I will eventually ask back and let them down like I did the others before them.

Theres some friends I tend to get along with again over time, this may take years, months or weeks. I think the reason is needing some supply back (and by then ive took the time to acknowledge my mistakes and lies towards them last time we interacted), it happens usually during phases my life has suffered a downswing in terms of supply, such as ive lost a job or girlfriend.


I will try to reply to the rest latter. I hope you understand this part.

Etzel wrote:But we shall not be hypocrites here! Of course you like being admired! Whoever says he doesn't is lying. We only admire valuable things; being admired means we have value for someone; it means we are good — and everyone likes to be good. It only becomes a problem when you yourself doubt your value — and need to somehow cover your doubts from somewhere else. First question of conscience: Do you love yourself?

But moving on, let's not elude ourselves with "genuine" interactions — all interactions are genuine insofar they bring forth real (i.e. "genuine") consequences; this was never in question. What was and still is in question are the REASONS for those interactions. I myself get bored of people pretty quickly and prefer to meet newer and awesomer people. I like the rush. I like the seduction game. This does not mean having some long term friends doesn't have its uses for me. And that's the whole point. Second question of conscience: What do you want from others?

1st:
I am able to love and hate myself, but thats not enough, I need other people to do it. I need them to love me mostly.

2nd:
All they can provide that I want to achieve, may it be materialism, self value, or even lust). If im interested and need the supply we'll prob get along (until you are discarded for other stuff that suddenly I started to want and its more important, or your supply becomes less important to me), if not I will prob not even talk when passing by you on the street. I might say hello, but even that means you might have some supply I could use in near future, and I will 'get onto' you when that is the case.

Now tell me where you see that as genuine, 'healthy' and real friendships.