The ugly truth of a Narcissistic Mother (Monster)

I will do my est to keep this short...
My 68 yr old mother is an extreme Narcissist, and I came to take care of her since no one else could handle being around her for too long. Each one of my siblings would get fed up with her abuse, tantrums and demands within a month or two at the most.
Well, I moved from another state to live my mother, and also have my children go to the school I attended as a child.
I moved in and found that she was about 5 months behind in her rent, and did not care about it at all. She kept brainwashing her husband and the landlord.
Eventually her husband got tired of the lies and manipulations, he left her....The landlord started leaving eviction notices on her door.
I called up the landlord and paid off my mother's past due rent and also started taking over the payments. I paid all of her bills, electricity, cable and rent. I lasted about 9 months of her verbal abuse, her emotional put downs, and mental mind manipulations. It was exhausting, but I put up with it, since she is my mother and no one could handle her.
Eventually she wanted to move in one of her golden children (my drug addict niece)....I put my foot down and objected. My mother and I got into verbal debates on why I could not have a free loading drug addict around my 3 minor children.
My mother turned a blind eye and projected my niece's mental illness on me as if I was the one on drugs and alcohol...calling my children, "retards" and "stupid"....she even started to physically abuse my children, in which I stepped in and stopped her.
I also talked to the landlord and told him I couldn't have my niece living with me, because she was taking drugs all over the house and she would bring her drug addict husband and they broke windows, doors, and other things in the house.
Landlord agrees to allow me to kick out my niece, and also came by to draw up a new lease.
I didn't get copies of the lease that day, my landlord told me he would bring me copies the next month when the rent was due. (My mistake in not making my own copies!)
2 weeks later, my niece is living in our house with my mother and I and 4 of my children.
My niece is also a Narcissist but one on drugs! Each time I left for work, I would come back to my mother screaming bloody murder at my kids and then turning on me.
One day I came home and I told my mother I have had enough of her and my niece doing nothing but talking crap all day about anybody and everybody while my niece took drugs right in front of my mother and my children. My mother was totally in denial, although I have witnessed this myself...
I called the landlord and he told me to call the police.
As soon as my mother knew that I called the police to remove my niece from the house, she attacked me,. She threw a 5 lb mug at my pregnant belly, and I started bleeding.
When the police arrived, they arrested my mother for physical violence....and my niece bailed my mother out and brought her back home. This time they brought my niece's drug addict husband to threaten me to move out.
I had a 24 hr stay away order on my mother so I called the police again to get my niece and her husband out but the only way was to arrest my mother again!
As soon as my mother came out after spending 2 days in jail, she went to stay with my sister...
While at my sister's I went over there and took her clothing and medication.
I told her to come home, but she refused to come back without my niece....
Instead she called the landlord daily and told him all kinds of vicious lies that I banned her from the house, and she is a disabled person (all lies) she played the victim so well, yet I was the one who got attacked!
My landlord started calling me and harassing me to get out and then he threatened me that he will not give me any copies of the lease we signed. Yet he still collected money from me for rent.
It has been pure hell these past 2 months, but so far, I have my rental receipts for the past 9 months, and a police officer in which the landlord told that I was on the lease.
I am shocked that my landlord is getting involved as if I am the perpetrator in this!
Can someone give me some advice? My mother is a complete monster, and I asked my landlord to give me my 45 days notice so I could find a place for myself and my kids, and he just went nuts.
So far, my landlord is too afraid to file court papers and the police will not involve themselves with a civil matter, and the landlord continues to take my rental payments, but he harasses me daily!
My mother comes over as she pleases and brings the drug addict niece to torment my children, we just ignore them and remain polite.
I am going tomorrow to file a restraining order against my mother since I have police reports on her abuse.
It's tough dealing with a monster and other people are looking at me as if I am crazy to be so cruel, when I am the real victim in this!

Pack up and move the f out.

Leave your landlord and your mother to hash it out.

I hope you learned something.

BlueFlower wrote:Pack up and move the f out.

Leave your landlord and your mother to hash it out.

I hope you learned something.

So true, I went today to apply for different places, but in the meantime I did put in a request for a restraining order. I am planning on moving out as soon as I am able to secure a decent place and then enforce my restraining order on my mother to leave me alone.

I learned that there is nothing one can do when a Narcissist is in a rage, and it's best to take your leave before they destroy your sanity.

Thanks

2luscious4this wrote:

BlueFlower wrote:Pack up and move the f out.

Leave your landlord and your mother to hash it out.

I hope you learned something.

So true, I went today to apply for different places, but in the meantime I did put in a request for a restraining order. I am planning on moving out as soon as I am able to secure a decent place and then enforce my restraining order on my mother to leave me alone.

I learned that there is nothing one can do when a Narcissist is in a rage, and it's best to take your leave before they destroy your sanity.

Thanks

Blueflower speaks wisdom. A few more words need saying that aren't pleasant, in the sense that you might find yourself asking why no one told you.

Physical abuse of children is a bright line both morally and legally. You deserve praise for doing better than your mother and not abusing kids, and for doing better than your sister and not abusing drugs. Yet that much isn't enough--you also need to shield your children from anyone else abusing them or exposing them to drugs. Yes you have tried to protect them. But you have also allowed yourself to compromise to the point where they were not actually protected from either. This is a huge problem that needs to be changed promptly.

You haven't mentioned these children's father. If he seeks custody your current situation could sway a court in his favor. If CPS becomes involved instead--that would not be a good thing. Your mother and sister have already lied to your landlord. If they take the next step and lie to the police, then that would be two adults word against one. Your life might change forever once that line is crossed. Also, some jurisdictions have a criminal offense on the books called Failure to Protect, which basically means that from the moment a child's primary caregiver becomes aware of physical abuse she must act promptly to put an end to the abuse.

This volatile home life can't be good for your children. They need a more stable atmosphere and they may need counseling. Otherwsise they might grow up to become just like the people they knew as children. You have done your best for your mother. She cannot be helped any more. But the children you have and the child you are carrying can be helped. One of the ugly secrets of domestic abuse is that it tends to increase when a woman is pregnant. The consequences can include preventable birth defects that last a lifetime. Like blue flower said, no contact is the only workable option here.

Best wishes.

gulf stream wrote:
Blueflower speaks wisdom. A few more words need saying that aren't pleasant, in the sense that you might find yourself asking why no one told you.

Physical abuse of children is a bright line both morally and legally. You deserve praise for doing better than your mother and not abusing kids, and for doing better than your sister and not abusing drugs. Yet that much isn't enough--you also need to shield your children from anyone else abusing them or exposing them to drugs. Yes you have tried to protect them. But you have also allowed yourself to compromise to the point where they were not actually protected from either. This is a huge problem that needs to be changed promptly.

You haven't mentioned these children's father. If he seeks custody your current situation could sway a court in his favor. If CPS becomes involved instead--that would not be a good thing. Your mother and sister have already lied to your landlord. If they take the next step and lie to the police, then that would be two adults word against one. Your life might change forever once that line is crossed. Also, some jurisdictions have a criminal offense on the books called Failure to Protect, which basically means that from the moment a child's primary caregiver becomes aware of physical abuse she must act promptly to put an end to the abuse.

This volatile home life can't be good for your children. They need a more stable atmosphere and they may need counseling. Otherwsise they might grow up to become just like the people they knew as children. You have done your best for your mother. She cannot be helped any more. But the children you have and the child you are carrying can be helped. One of the ugly secrets of domestic abuse is that it tends to increase when a woman is pregnant. The consequences can include preventable birth defects that last a lifetime. Like blue flower said, no contact is the only workable option here.

Best wishes.

Thank you and Yes, I have already spoke with CPS myself when all of this was going on. I explained to them the situation and they told me that I did the right thing in reporting my mother. As for the father of my children, it is quite a long story as I hate to continue with the abuse I have from my mother, but in time she eventually wore my husband down so much so that he just called it quits.

My mother over the years has called the police on my husband and accused him of beating me when we were just arguing about the children's school fees. We didn't fight or anything, but the hard thing to explain is how my mother has interfered so much in my life. She came to visit us one day a few years ago, and in so doing, she couldn't stand the fact that we were living comfortably, or that we had a good relationship at the time???

I can't even begin to explain the abuse this woman has heaped upon me over the course of my lifetime. I kept convincing myself that I was just imagining things. She is my mother after all and mothers are supposed to love and care for you.....(or so I believed?)
Anyways, my mother slowly but surely sabotaged my relationship. She had my husband arrested for domestic violence by lying, and the police would not listen to me, she told them that she witnessed him hitting me which he did not. She also called cps on him and reported that he was abusing the children, when he did not! Cps found him innocent, but the domestic violence went on his record for some time.

She did so much bad to my husband and in time he blamed me for it, because I kept trying to help my mother....(I was so blinded by my love for her) I did not see that she didn't care about me or my relationship with my husband. My mother was the breaking point of my marriage!

My husband has gone no contact with me and my mother. My mother had already done this to another sister of mine....She had my sister locked up in a nut house and then sided with her ex-husband to have the children taken away. Unfortunately my sister is diagnosed as bipolar and had episodes of suicidal tendencies.

The only thing I have going for me is that several of my children are now adults and they have stepped in to take my children away during the days, and we did take preventative measures. We kept the young ones away from my mother or being around her, to the point that we all avoided her most of the days, and eventually she threw a fit....

I am not so naive anymore....I do know from my own experience that the only way to keep my children safe was to keep them away from my mother.

Anyways, will be moving out soon, so things are looking brighter...and thanks for the great advice!!!
I've gotten a storage to move my things which is not much, but at least I will be away from the abuse.
I can see clearly that my mother will never change and she will always be a monster who needs to have things her way, whether it makes any sense or none at all....

2luscious4this wrote:


My husband has gone no contact with me and my mother. My mother had already done this to another sister of mine....She had my sister locked up in a nut house and then sided with her ex-husband to have the children taken away. Unfortunately my sister is diagnosed as bipolar and had episodes of suicidal tendencies.

This is really sad. Do you think it's irreparable with him? Or might he forgive you if he learned you've severed ties with your mother?

Sarahlea wrote:

2luscious4this wrote:


My husband has gone no contact with me and my mother. My mother had already done this to another sister of mine....She had my sister locked up in a nut house and then sided with her ex-husband to have the children taken away. Unfortunately my sister is diagnosed as bipolar and had episodes of suicidal tendencies.

This is really sad. Do you think it's irreparable with him? Or might he forgive you if he learned you've severed ties with your mother?

Let's hope it might be possible. Good thing she's been proactive about CPS. Might be seriously worth looking into counseling to examine why her sense of duty to her mother overshadowed so much else.

I am so Dumbfoundead right now because I felt like I was reading my life right down to the neice part !!!!! I sure do understand exactly where you're coming from and as soon as I see the answers or the help that people give you I will follow them also I cannot believe you're going to Zack same thing I am you are in my prayers hun!!!

I have trouble understanding why you would ever bring your children to live with that woman, the date does say 2013 so I hope you're at least ocean apart from that place.

Save your prayers, Jo. The thread you've exhumed is nearly 5 years old and the poster you're responding to is long gone.