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Can Narcissists Love?

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hi

Postby obfuscate » Mon Jan 08, 2007 5:59 am

I do not claim to be an expert on narcissism and the behaviors and feelings of those defined as such. In my intellectual and gut opinion I feel that narcissists are able to feel and express love but perhaps in a skewed form. Namely in a way foreign to our conventional beliefs about what and how it is too be in love or to love. Love is subjective and its definition not wholly and scientifically defined. Narcissists may have strong attachment to a person much like a dog who wags its tail not because you matter but because you are the provider of food , and love for the dog. In turn the dog shows you "unconditional " love and loyalty. Narcissistis do the same but who is to say if empty love is any less significant than unconditional love. By empty love i mean a love you have for someone based on how well they meet your daily needs. Maybe i am talking rubbish and therefor i will take the better part of brevity and digress.
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Postby Style » Mon Jan 08, 2007 9:12 pm

my take on love & NPD:

In my experience, a narcissistic person is never in love, which can be crappy because in my experience they want to feel a connection but they cant find it

people get boring fast -- narcissist's have an extrovert autistic streak; they lose emotional affect very quickly.
narcist's have trouble building lasting emotional bonds too.

So even if they ever fall in love, it'll fade fast.

I can care for somebody and somebody's wellbeing very deeply, but it's crushed very soon.
If they do something that I puke of, I don't sob and sob and sob and try and try and try, because the connection is simply gone in that moment.
The somebody that does the thing I puke of then becomes a source of annoyance and contempt, and I just rid them of my life.
Because I cannot respect them anymore.

Some book about narcism said something about this and the narcissist's superego, but I can't remember what it was.
Anybody?
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Re: love and narcissism...

Postby Carcharias » Thu Jan 18, 2007 1:31 am

Hypatia wrote:I've been seeing a psychologist for the past few months, dealing with the aftermath of a painful breakup. It is likely that the person I was in love with was a narcissist, though he has never saught treatment.

I have asked myself many times whether he was actually ever capable of loving me, and my opinion has fluctuated wildly over the last year due to both emotion and speculation. However, when I collect my thoughts, experiences and feelings together and apply logic to them, I have to say the answer is yes.

Yes, unequivocally. It is an incredible oversimplification to just assume that a whole class of people are incapable of real love. To love is part of the basic definition of humanity.

Based on my particular experience, it seems as if they are capable of loving, but incapable rather of understanding if/how they love someone. Their idea of love is likely so idealized that they fail to recognize their own love for an individual. Either that, or they reject/repress their own love for someone because it is easier than re-evaluating their image of the world and themselves, and what love is supposed to be. Also lacking an understanding of others' emotions, they do not understand what is an appropriate way to deal with the love of others - hence their ability to be cruel and insensitive.

I find myself having to battle my own empathy for him, just in order to preserve my own self esteem. My nature wants to believe that there is hope, and that he will eventually be able to love someone and lead a fulfilling life; I pray for this every day. But I have to work hard to maintain my distance, emotionally and physically, so his problems do not affect my own health and well being.

I think that most of all, he is angry at himself for allowing himself to be in such a vulnerable position as to love someone else. He feels foolish for having loved, and condemns any love I have as melodramatic, sentimental piety. When I was upset with him, and insulted him in front of others for his treatment of me - he told them in private that I was just "crazy" and "still obsessed" with him (even though it was obvious to everyone that there I'd been in another relationship for over six months).

It's a rich tapestry of psychoness. Good luck with whatever you've been researching this for.



Yes... i agree with you. I know this exstream narsissist and he can love. I also have alot of emotional coldness though i still feel i love.. though like you say, i dont recognise it.
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Re: Can Narcissists Love?

Postby firelighter » Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:59 am

Anna wrote:It seems almost to strike at the definition of one's humanity, to imply that a group of people lacks the capacity to love. It is an extraordinary statement, at the very least.


I think you are right, the capacity to love is an important part of what it is to be human, and all humans possess it. I think the incorrect assumption is that you first have to feel love in order to love.

What is truly human is our free will, i.e. the capacity to act from our will as opposed to just in reaction to our feelings. Therefore I believe everyone can love, including narcissists. It may be hard at first.. you may make mistakes and step on someone else's feelings, but that doesn't mean you can't keep do it if you are willing.

Also, I think if you act from your will to love someone, and you do it consistently, you will start to experience the feeling of love. So while the feeling of love can cause to express love to someone, the converse is also true.
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Postby Narc » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:07 pm

The forum for paranoia is elsewhere.
"You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, mathematically, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that!" - J.R. Bob Dobbs
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Postby aimdog » Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:03 pm

rubystar wrote:I hate narcissists and no they cannot love anyone but themselves.
Too bad they can't all be euthanized, now that would make the world a happy place.


Damn, thats a little over the top there Ruby :shock: .

I disagree I think everybody has the ability to love. I think that some people have a harder time finding it. Or they don't want it. Or they simply miss it when the opportunity arises.
"An eye for an eye leaves the world blind." -- Gandhi
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Postby another warped mind » Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:17 am

You have never been abused by a Narcissist, just by someone who you have thrown the label on because you read something somewhere on the internet about it.... No matter what you have been through, It does not give you a right to talk to anyone that way.

And his comment was not abusive. He was simply responding to your comment about euthanization. People will not just let you walk all over them, weather they are a narcissist or not. Just because someone does not let you do or say whatever you want does not make them a narcissist.

If you want to talk to someone about your problem, the paranoid personality forum is here:

http://www.psychforums.com/viewforum.php?f=140
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Postby another warped mind » Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:24 am

rubystar,
There is no need for you to be abusive towards me, or narc, or anyone else on these forums. This is a place to share experiences and get some type of support. When you say things about people being euthanized that would make me question wether or not your stories are credible as well. I'm sorry if you don't like it that narc defends himself, but you cannot be talking to anyone this way and then expect them to put up with it. We've all had problems with some type of abuse. But you don't see the rest of us turning around taking it out on someone else. Especially a complete stranger. You are not a victim. Stop acting like one and grow up.
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Postby another warped mind » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:41 am

I'm sorry, I do not understand what you are talking about. Are you talking to me or narc.
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Postby another warped mind » Wed Jan 31, 2007 3:07 am

No I do not have you confused with anyone else because I do not talk to anyone else. I have social anxiety disorder not NPD. What I was asking you before was how do YOU know your abusers have NPD for sure and are not just emotionally abusive jerks. Because most of them have traits but very few have the disorder. Less than 1 % of the entire population have it.
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