Hypatia wrote:I've been seeing a psychologist for the past few months, dealing with the aftermath of a painful breakup. It is likely that the person I was in love with was a narcissist, though he has never saught treatment.
I have asked myself many times whether he was actually ever capable of loving me, and my opinion has fluctuated wildly over the last year due to both emotion and speculation. However, when I collect my thoughts, experiences and feelings together and apply logic to them, I have to say the answer is yes.
Yes, unequivocally. It is an incredible oversimplification to just assume that a whole class of people are incapable of real love. To love is part of the basic definition of humanity.
Based on my particular experience, it seems as if they are capable of loving, but incapable rather of understanding if/how they love someone. Their idea of love is likely so idealized that they fail to recognize their own love for an individual. Either that, or they reject/repress their own love for someone because it is easier than re-evaluating their image of the world and themselves, and what love is supposed to be. Also lacking an understanding of others' emotions, they do not understand what is an appropriate way to deal with the love of others - hence their ability to be cruel and insensitive.
I find myself having to battle my own empathy for him, just in order to preserve my own self esteem. My nature wants to believe that there is hope, and that he will eventually be able to love someone and lead a fulfilling life; I pray for this every day. But I have to work hard to maintain my distance, emotionally and physically, so his problems do not affect my own health and well being.
I think that most of all, he is angry at himself for allowing himself to be in such a vulnerable position as to love someone else. He feels foolish for having loved, and condemns any love I have as melodramatic, sentimental piety. When I was upset with him, and insulted him in front of others for his treatment of me - he told them in private that I was just "crazy" and "still obsessed" with him (even though it was obvious to everyone that there I'd been in another relationship for over six months).
It's a rich tapestry of psychoness. Good luck with whatever you've been researching this for.
Anna wrote:It seems almost to strike at the definition of one's humanity, to imply that a group of people lacks the capacity to love. It is an extraordinary statement, at the very least.
rubystar wrote:I hate narcissists and no they cannot love anyone but themselves.
Too bad they can't all be euthanized, now that would make the world a happy place.