Narcissists only

Hi
These are ideas thrown out there, do what you want with them, might hit a spark inside a mind.

1. Why have I become introverted, how can I change back into extroverted?

2. I'm nice to people, I'm a doormat, I'm assertive towards people, people try to analyze me, I'm aggressive towards people, I'm an asshole. I'm having real trouble wrapping around my head if I'm at flaw or social conditioning in "nons" have caused them to end up with very slow thinking processes.

3. I honestly in real life feel way too harsh on myself. I feel like I need to exceed an illusional social standard, I understand that, yet I am trying to get past it (materialistically). To make up for a lack of confidence?

4. Self-awareness has led to drugs, alcohol and smoking a lot more cigarettes, almost no motivation, why?

5. I feel patterns in my head. One is that your psychologically broken to the other end which is keep going, sh!t gets better. Is that insanity in a mild form?

6. People used to mock me, I'd laugh in their face. People mock me now, I get defensive. Why?

I'll be honest it sounds like you are the only one who knows the answer to these questions.

somethingbeautiful wrote:Hi
These are ideas thrown out there, do what you want with them, might hit a spark inside a mind.

1. Why have I become introverted, how can I change back into extroverted?

Why do you wan to be extroverted? Why do you believe you became introverted? Why is introverted "bad"? Again...these are questions only you can answer, and only you can answer.

2. I'm nice to people, I'm a doormat, I'm assertive towards people, people try to analyze me, I'm aggressive towards people, I'm an asshole. I'm having real trouble wrapping around my head if I'm at flaw or social conditioning in "nons" have caused them to end up with very slow thinking processes.

There's a happy medium to being assertive and being nice, and you can be both. Being assertive doesn't mean you're mean to people, just that you communicate your boundaries accordingly. Maybe you should strive for both? maybe a happy medium of some kind? you also have to ask yourself if "being a doormat" is really what's going on, or if it's just how you see the world. You may not be "a doormat" as much as you think you are.

3. I honestly in real life feel way too harsh on myself. I feel like I need to exceed an illusional social standard, I understand that, yet I am trying to get past it (materialistically). To make up for a lack of confidence?

Being harsh on yourself can be both good and bad. Being harsh on yourself means you'll learn from your mistakes, but too harsh and you just spend time not really accepting yourself. I'm not sure I fully understand what you're asking later on though - "social standard", and "get past it" (what are you getting past?). If you're trying to do stuff due to a lack of self confidence, then you should probably address that...find stuff you're proud of doing. I, personally, don't really engage much in social stuff..it's just not for me. I'm pretty confident in the things I'm good at, yet not at social stuff.

4. Self-awareness has led to drugs, alcohol and smoking a lot more cigarettes, almost no motivation, why?

Maybe you're trying to fill some kinda gap in your life, some kinda hole? Usually people get addicted to some kinda thing to fill these voids. I've seen it time and time again, though...drugs won't help. It'll only serve to make you feel worse.

5. I feel patterns in my head. One is that your psychologically broken to the other end which is keep going, sh!t gets better. Is that insanity in a mild form?

Can you elaborate more on this? I don't know what you mean by "patterns in my head".

6. People used to mock me, I'd laugh in their face. People mock me now, I get defensive. Why?

This probably relates to your self confidence issue above. It sounds like you're judging yourself, leading to self confidence issues, which now means you are taking what other's say more seriously. When you allow what people say to really offend you, some part of what they're saying you believe to be true.

I hope this helps explain from my perspective.

1. Why have I become introverted, how can I change back into extroverted?

I raised this dilemma in one of the other threads since it bugs me as well. narcissistic-personality/topic104231.html, the specific post of mine:

Sigurd wrote:Introverted or extroverted, both are masquerading as sheeps among the sheeps whilst being wolves. The core difference is the way they do it. The narcissist chooses to have his elite club with certain elite people, using them as a facade and becoming the captain of this sinking ship that he's sinking with a malignant smile on his face. The narcissist believes that he, without doubt, is the most important. The sociopath, on the other hand, pretends to be a sheep both in public and tete`-a-tete´ ways; he doesn't have to establish an elite club of elite sheeps to devour a victim. The mask becomes tight as your real skin and the acting becomes true. "Then on a polygraph when they ask if I am a sheep, I will have all the sheep memories because I became a sheep. I have memories of eating grass and living like a sheep. I'm telling the truth."

One acts knowingly that he is not a sheep. One acts believing that he is everything: wolf, sheep, dog, lamb.

This brings us back to the dilemma of introversion and extroversion. If a narcissist learns how to devour victims without an elite club... If a person (we are, of course, speaking of highly-intelligent, manipulative, charming, well, all your noble Dr. Hare traits, person) can become anything he wants and BELIEVES that what he BECAME is what he truly IS? What is he - introverted? Extroverted? Fuked up? Ha-ha.

I think that the mere fact that you no longer possess your identity base shows that you became some sort of social monster, devouring identities and becoming what one is masquerading. It is the complete rejection of your primary identity, as if you would be... nameless.

2. I'm nice to people, I'm a doormat, I'm assertive towards people, people try to analyze me, I'm aggressive towards people, I'm an asshole. I'm having real trouble wrapping around my head if I'm at flaw or social conditioning in "nons" have caused them to end up with very slow thinking processes.

You spit on people that try to analyze you because you don't want to be truly known by them. It's like socialising with nons who have been obsessively reading into narcissism thinking that every word they've read appeals to you 100%, despite the fact that no one is a copy of each other, not even those who share the same personality disorder, and if such people don't run, then they become very irritating at "catching" you and your "twisted mechanisms." Now I know what you're going to do! I know how you function! The thing is, not everyone is worth understanding and not everyone, by a long shot, will understand you. This can also cause spite and anger, especially when you actually try to explain something and you are so deeply misunderstood or the other party thinks so slow that you just want to strangle them. Metaphorically.

3. I honestly in real life feel way too harsh on myself. I feel like I need to exceed an illusional social standard, I understand that, yet I am trying to get past it (materialistically). To make up for a lack of confidence?

I can relate to the exaggerated perfectionism trying to exceed some illusional, self-created standarts but those are dedicated directly towards me, not the objects I own. I'm not an overly materialistic person... Even if I like having pretty things. I'm guessing, these materialistic needs of yours fill up your ego, so it would make sense that this is one of the ways to compensate your lack of confidence.

4. Self-awareness has led to drugs, alcohol and smoking a lot more cigarettes, almost no motivation, why?

Probably because you realized that there is a huge gap of space between your delusions and reality. It's depressing, man. Totally depressing.

5. I feel patterns in my head. One is that your psychologically broken to the other end which is keep going, sh!t gets better. Is that insanity in a mild form?

Insanity makes you fuk mud and it looks ridiculous, however, having the high intelligence and the right tools for the delightful destructive needs, it is only casual that such two opposite ways of thinking clash. I am God! I am a piece of $#%^! I am the dancing, singing crap and piss of the world! You choose. To manifest or to try and make yourself more... decent? Your choice.

6. People used to mock me, I'd laugh in their face. People mock me now, I get defensive. Why?

Nothing, except the reaction - the way you were defensive, changed. First, you lie to yourself, then - to the others. No wonder you defend your projected persona. After all, what else do you have?