[quote="margharris"]Yours is truly horrid awful for me to hear. I relive so much through what you say. My only regret is my brother too. I dispensed with my mother for years. But my brother, he was with her for too long as the golden child. He believed her words and she turned him against me.
Thank you both for your kind replies. This is the first time in 32 years I am speaking out - and any kind of support feels like a tremendous help 'cause I m still doubting whether I am exaggerating from time to time, or whether I am being too harsh on that woman.
I have to stay strong, but my world really fell apart today. I lived and worked for my brother. I left home at 19 cause I OD'ed as I could not take her abuse anymore and I felt so worthless at the time. Her response to this was that she was majorly inconvenienced cause she had to drive me to hospital to get my stomach pumped, hence had to cut her conversation short with her latest beau. She proceeded shouting abuse at me,just as I was released from the hospital. I came to England with nothing and I made a life for myself. I went to uni and studied and worked 13 hour shifts on the weekend to get myself through. All the while i had to maintain contact with her for my brother's sake. He used to stay with me every holiday - and I was his hero, we were really good friends. But then we he got into his teenager years, he got a little difficult as you can imagine...and when I asked him to clear up the dishes or something minor, he used to complain to her, which of course started a tirade against me, that I was keeping him to have a house slave round (?!). She never even gave him a penny for me to look after him and I was supporting him and myself with the part time student jobs money I had...My brother of course, as kids do, sensed his power of manipulation - and until this day continues playing us against each other. However, in her case his complaints are not of having to do chores or anything, it s more that she forces him to be her little pet whenever her current boyfriend doesnt pay her attention. She forces him to side with her, and rescue her - only to abandon him later. I find it also disturbing that she would parade her underwear for him, and when he obviously cringes - she goes off in a sulk, and does not understand that he is uncomfortable with this. Her reasoning is that she buys him his clothes, incl. his underwear, so why can't he look at things she buys for herself. It s so sickening!
For a long time, I felt sorry for her. She herself comes from a deranged background. When she left me with my adopted dad to go with her next beau (my brother's father), my granny kidnapped me and did not allow her access. When this did not show, my granny used to feign heart attacks, pretend she went loopy, go into hysterics - all the while just so that I report it back to my mum and thus she can maybe get my mum to come back to my adopted dad. I was only 6 years at the time and already had a severe stutter. I used to think my granny is my hero - but now I know I was nothing but a pawn in her power trip over my mother.
As of today I feel no more sorrow for my mum - that even she could stoop so low to hurt my brother and tell him I don't care about him and I never loved him (all the while whilst he is in hospital) - has killed something in me. I don't have any compassion left anymore for her. I took all of the beatings, the putdowns, the abuse, the tirades, the favouritism, the financial dependency, the broken relationships - everything she put upon me. I always ended up forgiving her and having compassion for her deranged mind. But no more. Today is a turning point for she went too far...and I thank you all for your support tonight. I made it through the day without hurting myself, and that is a big achievement.
-- Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:09 pm --
Sorry, I don't know how to do quotes yet.
My stepdad (well, my third stepdad LOL) - my brother's dad...also used to be her little pet to abuse. Not an hour has gone by where she does not abuse him for the way he eats, talks, thinks etc....I don't care for him, cause he's been a little S&&& to me as well, when I was little. But now, I feel sorry for him sometimes, for when he was with her, he was so useless, could not hold a job down or have a normal conversation - not that she released him from her claws, and is on to the next beau - he is actually working for 2 years, and makes some kind of attempts to have a social life. But it is funny, I know she would only need to click her fingers, and he would be back there (they are still officially married, despite her seeing a married man for the last 8 years)...he would be back despite the cheating, the gaslighting and the knowing that she would turn him into a hollow man again. I feel sorrow for him now...not hatred anymore, I know he is nothing but a victim to her...and I pray to the Lord, that she will leave this man alone at least for him to enjoy whatever remaining years he has free from her abuse.
Wow! It is so freeing writing it all down. I can finally see how deranged she really is. Wow.