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I feel like a jerk but my I think my mom has Munchausens!

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I feel like a jerk but my I think my mom has Munchausens!

Postby Kathryn » Tue Jun 26, 2012 5:50 pm

My mother has enjoyed exuberant health her entire life, though to hear her talk that's not the case. She has always exxagerated any pain or slight condition she might have - except the REAL ones. Let me give an example or two:

All my life, she's told me that she has "weak lungs and poor circulation." (Neither of these self diagnoses has any bearing in fact whatsoever, but can be used to justify occasional drama). Whenever she had her period, she took to her bed, with a little bell that she could ring to get people to bring her whatever she needed in her darkened "sick room." She always had extreme premenstrual syndrome, for over a week before each period, and she wreaked havoc in our household - then went to bed for several days when her period finally did come. I firmly believe she is bipolar and in fact a doctor did put her on some sort of meds for that at one time, which helped a lot - but she doesn't trust doctors (because they are always ruling out whatever condition she thinks she has), so she soon got off those meds and was back to her crazymaking self.

About 8 years ago, lo and behold, she had an actual medical condition - she had a major stroke, which affected her balance and her optic nerve, creating some vision disturbances and balance problems. So now she can't drive - but she doesn't seem to mind this at all, because she is convinced that driving is very dangerous and she "welcomes this reason to be off the roads." When she does get in a car, she gets in the back seat - she won't ride in the front seat.

But back to the stroke. Amazingly, she had a great attitude about this REAL issue. She did her PT and recovered well - and hasn't had any strokes or other problems related to it since. However, she refuses to acknowledge that the dizziness she feels sometimes is related to the stroke at all. She seems to be in complete denial of any symptoms that may be REAL and grounded in actual health issues, in other words. For instance, she had to practically be dragged to the eye doctor to have something that could be corrected, actually corrected. She wouldn't even admit that she was having vision problems - and did her best to try to get out of the appointment that she really did need. And yet, she wants to have all sorts of medical tests and appointments for things that she DOESN'T need.

She often wears a surgical mask outside because of pollution. She won't hold a cordless or cell phone to her ear because it will give her a brain tumor. She puts phones on a little plate and holds the plate about six inches from her ear. When people point out that these measures seem extreme, she smiles charmingly and laughs and seems to think her behavior is cute - and smarter than everyone else too. Pitifully, she doesn't seem to understand that people - strangers, friends, medical professionals, and loved ones - think she looks and sounds rather ridiculous and crazy.

Over the past year, she's been convinced that she has diabetes (she doesn't), hypoglycemia (she doesn't), COPD (she doesn't), deep vein thrombosis (she doesn't), and a torn tendon (she has an appointment for an MRI Friday, which she is already threatening to cancel because she doesn't want to "fall into the doctor trap"). Now she has confined herself to her bed and is using a portable toilet and having my dad and others bring her meals in bed and help her to the portable toilet, bathtub, etc.

She is lining up home health care today and is FURIOUS at my dad because he won't let her buy a wheelchair. He wants her to wait for the MRI results and see if the doctor prescribes one - and this suggestion makes her so mad! I am sure she is afraid that the MRI will show that nothing is wrong. Anyway, she wants that wheelchair TODAY and is determined to get one. She's calling everyone she knows, trying to find someone who will bring her a wheelchair TODAY. And I bet she gets one. Then she will begin to insist that my dad modify the house to accommodate her wheelchair - it's a historic home built in the 1890s but that won't matter to her, I assure you.

My fears are that she won't go the doctor, but will confine herself to this wheelchair/bed thing, and actually BECOME an invalid when there is probably nothing wrong with her at all!

She doesn't seem fearful of disease or injury. She seems to CRAVE it and to be VERY disappointed - and hostile - when she is told that her tests are normal or that nothing seems to be wrong with her. Cancel all your plans, sit all afternoon in the ER with her, only to watch her become excited and animated and forget to use her "sick voice" with the staff - who pretty quickly figure out there's no emergency - and then drive her home, while she dissects, with great hope, any stray comment that the doctor may have said about "Well, we should check for (fill in the blank)..." and simultaneously dismisses everything he said about what she DOESN'T have ("How would he know - doctors miss things all the time. He doesn't know how I feel - only I know how I feel." AUGH!

She also refuses to follow REAL medical advice ("write down when you eat, when you feel good, when you feel bad" or "Wear this brace for a week and see if it helps" - HECK no, she's not going to follow their ignorant advice - and "fall into the doctor trap" as she calls it!).

To top off everything else, my dad seems to have no concept of boundaries. He's always afraid something really MIGHT be wrong with her (keep in mind, she did have a stroke once, which scared him to death), and she plays on his fears and insecurities. So she's got him bringing her meals in bed and emptying her toilet, and alternating between anger and fear.

And she's FURIOUS with me because I'm not falling for it. Then my dad calls me and he's so frustrated and worried and angry and distraught, and she knows he vents to me, and it's become like a direct challenge to her - who wins my dad - her or me? I mean, this is in her mind, not mine - I just feel bad for my dad. And heck, I feel bad for me!

The bad thing is - I have lost nearly all sympathy for her, and she's the one who is supposedly so sick that she can't even get out of bed. She has literally been calling her grandchildren (my grown kids) and gasping for air and pleading with them to "bring the great grandbabies to see me this weekend, because I think I am near death and want to see them before I go."

My mother used to be a strikingly beautiful, artistic, and articulate woman, who genuinely showed affection to her family members and friends. Now, she seems to me to be a wretched, disheveled, angry and frustrated, miserable woman. My heart hurts for her - but I also refuse to allow her to run rough shod over my life.

Please advise!
Kathryn
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Re: I feel like a jerk but my I think my mom has Munchausens

Postby CrackedGirl » Wed Jun 27, 2012 9:15 am

Gosh - what a difficult situation to be in.

It is difficult to know for sure what is causing her behaviour for example FD, hypochondriasis, delusion etc but it sounds like it is pathological to me although I am not here in a professional capacity. I am not sure what the best thing is to do except to talk to your father and see if the two of you can talk to her Dr and then between you come up with some sort of intervention like getting her to the Dr so they can talk to her. It does sound like she needs that and also liek both you and your father could use the support from the Dr too.

I really hope something like this helps you all

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