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Hospital Addiction

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Hospital Addiction

Postby fullmentaljacket » Fri Feb 12, 2016 1:29 am

I have this hospital addiction for the past thirteen years. And it's getting worst and worst the last year.

The first time I went to the hospital, I had a court date for some serious charges. I lied about being suicidal to get in. And I really liked being there. When my court date finally came, my hospitalization made it look like I was crazy and ended up not going to jail but on probation for a long time.

The next few hospitalizations were for real. Drug overdoses that landed me in there. One time I was high and I went to the hospital and discharged. That very same day, I went back to the same emergency room and back into the psych unit of the same hospital. So it was two hospitalizations in one day and I was high both times.

I was about to be arrested and I ended up going to the hospital and was let go by police.

The next few were for real. From psychotic breaks. But the one after that was not real.

I've been in different hospitals out of town and in town. I even went to a military hospital but not for inpatient. I really like the hospital. And I want to go to different hospitals every time. I would be planning and planning. Researching different hospitals. Then I would stop myself to say that's ridiculous don't do that again. But that's what I've said many times before and end up eventually following through and going.

I finally came forward about my hospital problem with my therapist and talked to her about it. It was obsessive and I stopped myself from going to the hospital several times within a few months. And recently I was thinking about going again to one out of town but made it to group therapy and that stopped me. For the first time, I shared about my problem to a group and they gave me feedback. I felt so relieved to talk about it for the first time. I was ashamed that I scammed the hospital. But the leader didn't think I should be ashamed. No one else in the group had the problem and didn't seem to care. This made me even more want to go to the hospital, that no one cared and no one tried to stop me.

So my question is what does that all mean? No one cared at the group and no one tried to stop me. So does that mean what I'm doing isn't that bad? Does that even matter? Is it okay to just to take a few vacations a year at the hospital like I've been doing for the past thirteen years?
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Re: Hospital Addiction

Postby sophita18 » Sat Mar 12, 2016 1:08 am

Perhaps your group were trying to show you that they aren't judging you. I wouldn't want to react to someone opening up about a sensitive topic in case it makes them feel guilty or bad. I would want them to feel accepted :)
I wouldn't label what you're doing as BAD, but I think it's unhelpful behaviour and you have done well to recognise that its a problem, and to want to do something about it. It's great that you're talking about your past with a group, and I don't think it's something to be ashamed about. Maybe you could try to find out what makes you want to go to hospital and why you feel the need to go there. Whatever you gain from being in the hospital, see if you can find another, healthier way to achieve it. You could be putting a lot at risk by trying to get put in hospital.
Do you get the same experience from seeing a therapist as you do from being in a hospital?
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Re: Hospital Addiction

Postby fullmentaljacket » Mon May 09, 2016 4:34 am

Thanks for the reply. I haven't checked this forum out in a while.

As years go by, my hospital hijinx has evolved into more sophistication.

It looks like I've overcome lying my way into the hospital once again. My uncle was getting eye surgery and I was going to visit him upstairs. And for some odd reason. I planned on visiting him upstairs and then going back downstairs to the ER and lie my way into the psych unit of the same hospital. So I go from visitor to patient. I don't get why I would think like that about the hospital. I've done the stairway thing before. Then I backed off from the plan. I realize talking about it really helps. It's helped me back off from sophisticated plans several times now. I should've known this a long time ago that talking about it with the right people is actually enough to say that it's ridiculous. Instead I kept it a secret.

Recently, I spent a whole day planning my next hospital adventure. I planned on hitting a pretty prestigious hospital. Consumer reports says it's the highest rated hospital in the world. I planned further that after I was discharged, I would go to the next city and hit another hospital the very same day. And researching about insurance coverage in other states so I can start hitting hospitals in other states. Very obsessive planning in meticulous detail of how I was going to do this without my family knowing.

I've found other ways to get a similar hospital experience. I volunteered at five different nursing homes and it was similar to the hospital with the nurses station, cafeteria, rooms and all that. That is a healthier way to achieve what I need from the hospital.

In the past, I applied to volunteer in the ER of a different hospital but never heard a response so I went through the ER and into the psych unit to gain work experience. I don't take no for an answer. I want to work in the psych unit.

I don't know what else to say. I doubt I can keep this up forever. I have accepted that I will end up in the hospital one way or another for the rest of my life. It's back to therapy again for me.
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Re: Hospital Addiction

Postby ak2628 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 5:36 pm

mod edit
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