angelina4 wrote:Thanks for writing this. I'm sorry you're going through it.
I don't think it's true that you cannot suffer. It sounds like you are suffering.
I wish I had an easy answer for you - a solution I knew would "work." But there isn't any such thing.
I'm wondering - maybe you're not ready to come clean about everything. But can you stop continuing the lies? Can you stop adding to them?
Thank you. Yeah there is no way I can tell her the truth about me, and I have stopped for a while. It seemed to help me for a bit, and then I started getting these urges again and they are so hard to hold back.
My main problem is the guilt. I can't erase what I've lied about and there's no chance that I can just move on and she will forget everything I lied about. She doesn't know I've lied, and thats what is killing me.
I've had this munchausen thing since I was around 10, and it only got worse. I feel like I'm at my peak, but thats what I felt last year too... That I was at my peak, and it still got worse... I'm at the point now that every single day is agonizing to be alive, because I hate myself so much. She means so much to me (We aren't in a relationship, she's just my best friend... My only friend) I am hurting her with each passing day and she doesn't even know it.
I'm just at that point where I'm extremely depressed because of this. It has taken over my life. I never thought it would ever get this bad and I'm so scared it's just going to continue to get worse...