I have Munchausen

I think I posted this before under a different username but i lost my information and had to re-sign up.

I have munchausen. I dont have a offical diagnosis. but I'm sure its what I have. I make up disorders and diseases. I'll do anything to go to the hospital. Im addicted to the hospital. I just like being there having my blood taken, having IVs, having tests. I think I'm addicted to morphine too. but just in the sense that I like getting it when Im at the hospital. I dont go out on the streets looking for my next hit.

I made up psychotic disorders too. My doctor thinks I have psychosis but its just cause I've convinced her I do. I've never hallucinated or heard voices before, but they think I have. I do have depression and anxiety though. I get bad panic attacks. THose I can't fake.

I've faked everything that made me... me, in a sense. and now im lost in the lies. I feel horrible about myself. I feel like I could never be fixed. I just feel f'd up.

I know the first step is to tell my psychiatrist, but im scared they'll never take me seriously again.

ensorcel1 wrote:I think I posted this before under a different username but i lost my information and had to re-sign up.

I have munchausen. I dont have a offical diagnosis. but I'm sure its what I have. I make up disorders and diseases. I'll do anything to go to the hospital. Im addicted to the hospital. I just like being there having my blood taken, having IVs, having tests. I think I'm addicted to morphine too. but just in the sense that I like getting it when Im at the hospital. I dont go out on the streets looking for my next hit.

I made up psychotic disorders too. My doctor thinks I have psychosis but its just cause I've convinced her I do. I've never hallucinated or heard voices before, but they think I have. I do have depression and anxiety though. I get bad panic attacks. THose I can't fake.

I've faked everything that made me... me, in a sense. and now im lost in the lies. I feel horrible about myself. I feel like I could never be fixed. I just feel f'd up.

I know the first step is to tell my psychiatrist, but im scared they'll never take me seriously again.

I think it is brave to admit what is going on for you. It does sound like you are having problems with faking illnesses.

You can get past this imo with the right help and if you are motivated but it will be tough. There are probably significant things going on which make you behave like this and which will need to be addressed.

I can understand not wanting to tell for fear of not being believed about anything and also because telling will take away your ability to fake illnesses but I really think that if you want to heal from this behaviour then you need to. Please do think about telling your psych and seeing how they can help you or refer you to someone who can help you

Cracked

Hi ensorcel. Sorry I'm so late to reply, but I wanted to thank you for your post. I have factitious disorder too, and it helps me to hear from people who have the same feelings. I love being sick and being in the hospital. I faked more when I was young and don't fake very much at all now, but I still have the same feelings.

It took me two years to tell my therapist and psychiatrist and I had a łot of the same fears you have. Especially since I had a lot of real psych issues and was very dependent on them, I was afraid they'd never believe me on anything, never take any of my problems seriously, or even that they'd just dump me. I was lucky, but they both reacted very well and have made it clear ever since that they do take me seriously, do want to help me with my real problems, and I don't have to have alarming "symptoms" to get attention.

I really hope you can have the same experience. It's made a huge difference in my life to get real help for the problems I really struggle with - which is what everyone deserves - including you. Remember, as long as your doctor is paying attention to imaginary illnesses - they're not paying attention to you and what you need. And it sounds like you very badly need help.

I relate to what you wrote although I know the reasons I've gone to the ER have been to seek help for real problems that they can't help - high blood pressure, severe head pain that is not a headache. I've been told not to come back. If one were to examine my medical file, I bet it would be very large. I have always been overly reactive to any little thing different in my body - a lump that was fat, a pore that was block, very small skin cancers. Where does this come from? I've been told that even though I am 66, I have the perception of being a 5 year old child that needs love and attention. Pretty simple but horrible to live with. Good luck to you and hope I can find help myself.

@DustyJoe66. Hi Dusty - everyone - not just 5 year olds - need love and attention. There's nothing to be ashamed of in having those needs. It would be unhealthy if you didn't have them. What you have to watch out for, though, is trying to get those needs met in unhealthy or destructive ways. Maybe the only way you got caring when you were younger was through illness. So maybe you need therapy to find better ways. Are you able to find a therapist or psychiatrist to help you?