[u]I am 19 years old, female and think I have munchausen syndrome ..
I cannot say exactly when this started but it has definitely got way out of hand. I think it mostly started during high school when I was doing things such as:
*Cutting the inside of my nose to give myself nosebleeds whenever I wanted,
*Hitting myself in the face and cutting my lips,
*Hitting my hands with rocks so I could go to school wrapped in bandages,
*Even hyperventilated to make myself shake and pass out.
I am now at university and things have got way out of hand. At the moment I am only happy when there is something wrong with me. The odd thing is that my family and most of my friends have no idea what is going on. This confuses me as I think I am only doing this to try and make my doctors and nurses worry about me, not to make anybody in my life worry. To summarize what is going on is:
*I have been making myself pass out for over a year, leading to intense investigation from many departments. Thing is that I do get insane migraines that cripple me to the point that I cant stand up or move and I often make myself pass out when these are happening. I am not sure if this has anything to do with it,
*I have deliberately not taken or taken too much medication before heart tests in the past, as for some reason I rally really want a pacemaker. No idea why but I feel like this could all stop if I had one,
*Tried to give myself frequent UTIs in the hope of messing up my kidneys,
*I have just been through a nose surgery to fix a hole in my septum (probably caused by the frequent cutting and nosebleeds)
Another odd thing is that I have some real problems which should probably be looked at. For example, I have a pretty awful hemorrhoid and I get almost constant pain in my upper left abdomen but these have never been investigated as I am not sure how to bring up my real problems.
Over the last year I have been admitted to hospital many times and I really wish I could live there. I know I shouldn't think like this as there are people with real serious problems there but I feel completely hopeless and despaired when I a not in hospital. It is the one thing about having munchausen syndrome that is starting to take over my life as I am constantly trying to be there for any reason.
Is there any way I can ever get over wanting to live in a hospital? The thing is I don't want to get over it. I know however awful it sounds I don't want to get over this .. I just want to be in hospital.
Wow .. anybody got any advice, comments or stories please feel free!!