Maybe I'm a couple of years too late for this post.
I found out at sixteen from a childhood baby sitter that when I was five that I had been removed from my mothers care because she had tried to make me sick. I had full memory of that time and it even though it made sense to me I didn't want to believe that such a terrible thing was true. As it happened, I had a scholarship to a school right in front of the hospital where I had spent most of my early childhood and I went and put in a request for information (which the initially declined because of my age and the "sensitive nature" of the contents of the record)
When I accessed my medical records it definitely confirmed what I had been told and was consistent with my own memory of the events, I was still living with her and the news pretty much destroyed me. She had stopped when I was returned to her care but I always sensed something off about her. I did some investigating and found she was "catfishing" (it wasn't called catfishing then) people on the internet, spinning stories to kind old ladies that she had cancer. Accepting love and sympathy across the world wide web from any one who would believe her stories or give her the time of day. I also started to observe how abnormal her day to day behaviour was and realised I had been raised in a world of drama and manipulative abuse. She was neglectful, self absorbed and drug addicted and then very aggressive sometimes. It was an extremely hard time in my life. I'm getting teary as I type.
I moved out as soon as I finished school and avoided her for the majority of my twenties. I spent a lot of time in a psychologists office having to relearn the boundaries of my existence and actually process everything that happened. A few of my close friends know but no-one gets it.
Fast forward to today. I'm nearly thirty-two now and I have two and half year old twins.
My mum went to rehab and got off the drugs about two years before they were born. For the two years it seemed like she had made some real progress. Then when babies were born a few things seemed a bit off (again) to me. She was living in a share house and would have bruises all the time. I did some more investigating and found out that while she was in rehab she had spun a bunch of stories about someone stalking her and forcing her to use drugs and who would frequently rape and assault her.
Absolutely NONE of this was true and my gut feeling is that she inflicted the bruises on herself (my childhood babysitter said she had history of that and basically caught her beating herself up once). I had never given her unsupervised time with my kids and have now cut off contact with her. She comes to visit on Sunday's and has supervised time with my kids under the watch of their father. Their father has gone away for a month to visit his parents overseas and now she has started sending me abusive messages because she feels self entitled to a relationship to her grand-children.
This is the text conversation from the weekend:
Mum: Hi. I want you to know I think your being really selfish... Those 2 beautiful babies of yours are without their dad for the first time in their life and for your own selfish reasons you are stopping them from seeing me, what do you think they are thinking? There dad is away and there Nanna isn't coming . You promised you would never do this L after seeing what "Cousin", "Uncle", and "Aunty" went through with "Cousin's son" .. I love you L nothing will ever change that,,if you don't want to see me that is fine , but please to not stop me from seeing my grandchildren ... If you don't want to talk with me that is fine you can organise it with M or Y ...I would like you to think about how you would feel if Twin 1 or Twin 2 tried to cut you out of their lives or out of their children's lives how you would feel? I love you more than you will ever know xxx
Me: The difference between you and Cousin, is that Cousin, has no history of being a munchausens and has never harmed his kids when they were small. Nor did he spin a web of lies about being in a DV relationship with his estranged father and inflict bruises on himself to perpetuate those lies. You actually terrify me. I don't want to see you because you scare the hell out of me and if you ever pull your $#%^ near my kids I'll move to another country to keep them safe from you. Keep playing the victim here if it what helps you sleep at night and continue to take no responsibility for your actions. God forbid I actually get some time with my own kids on the weekend FOR ONCE since working full time. I am not selfish. That's you. I only have their best interest in my heart not my own needy selfish agenda. You can see them next Sunday at 10:30 and if you pull any crap between now and then you can wait until "Children's father" is back.
I can't BELIEVE after everything you've said and done you have the BALLS to pull that manipulative $#%^ with me. HOW DARE YOU question my parenting and compare this situation to Cousin and "Ex partner of Cousin". What mental gymnastics did you have to do to draw that comparison? Here's the facts "Mother's name". You have this need to draw sympathy and attention to yourself and you will stop at NO END to get it. When I found out all the crap you had been pulling spinning all those lies, using rehab as a platform for your crap and involving multiple services and having everyone run circles around you that confirmed (along with all the actual evidence I have collected and my own memory of everything that happened) that yeah, you used me as pawn in your $#%^ when I was young. The fact that I have to question whether or not you would keep my kids safe is enough for me to not let you have them unsupervised. I can't risk it. I can't risk you having a bad day when they are with you. That doesn't make me a selfish person, it makes me a responsible parent something I can verify that you weren't a lot of the time. I love you, but for my own mental health I don't want to see you and you have to accept that. You also have to accept that I want you to know the kids but while they are little you won't have them out of the sight of me or their father. You forget, I worked for "Large community services org" and in community services a looong time. "Our Last name" isn't exactly a common last name. You've been busted and you aren't even sorry. Sometimes I wonder if you even have a conscience.
Mum: You have no reason to be terrified of me L .. Everyday I live with the shame and humiliation of what I have done in the past ... I adore Twin 1 and Twin 2 more than you will ever know and I would never do anything to hurt them... Thank you for allowing me to see them.
Me: The trust is gone. I don't know how you can get it back. I really don't.
Feeling really stressed and alone.