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I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

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I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby malfif » Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:35 pm

I understand that it is the horror of horrors to be made sick on purpose by an abuser, and then be forced to view you abuser as your saviour. But I just can't help having an inferiority complex against survivors of MBP. Every person I know who was abused as a child, has later in life been shown proof that they did nothing wrong, and it was all the abuser's fault.

They all have loads of scientific research to turn to, that proves how everything their abusers did was sick, abnormal and twisted. I don't have that.

My "abuse" was, and still is, a matter of opinion. There is no definite right or wrong. I will never hear anyone say "yes, malfif, you were abused, and your parents are very sick people". It will always be up for debate.

My parents pushed me into several institutions, trying to get me diagnosed for various mental deseases which I did not have, such as schizophrenia, schizoid PD, paranoia etc. They established an e-mail contact with my psychologist behind my back, and the psychologist had agreed that I might be schizophrenic (based entirely on my parents accounts, and inspite of having met me and not seen any indicators of illness). When my social worker confronted her, all talk of schizophrenia just vanished, she never brought it up again.

My father forced me to eat too little, and then sent me to an eating disorder center where he tearfully told the staff how worried he was about me not eating. He got me out of school, so I was almost completely isolated for about two years. He constantly talked to me about all the mental disorders and deseases he thought I had. Evereytime I objected, he saw it as a sign of me being paranoid and refusing to realize that I needed help.

My parents have contacted my bosses at every workplace I've been to, telling them how worried they are about my wellbeing and mental health. They contacted my college to see how I was doing. They showed up outside my flat unannounced, and shouted through the letterbox for 15 minutes at a time. Because of this, any new friends I made soon thought I was sick and distanced themselves from me, despite having no problem with me before talking to my parents.

I'm now 25. Two years ago, I tried to commit suicide, after several failed attempts to escape from my parents clutches. I spent four months in a hospital ward for suicidal patients. The staff there understood right from the start that something was off about my parents, and instructed everyone in the hospital, the psychiatry, and the social office, to not give out any information about me to anyone who contacted them. My mother reported me missing in order to find out where I was, and the police, being the thickos they are, of course told her I was at that hospital. So she showed up and waited outside the ward (it was a locked ward, thank god) for hours on end, but the staff refused to even confirm if I was there or not.

The therapists I've had since then have all been amazing, and although my parents still keep contacting them with all sorts of rubbish bleeding-heart stories, the staff aren't buying it, and refuse to give them any information.

Anyway, I have a serious inferiority complex towards survivors of MBP. What I went through doesn't even have a name. There's no research, no diagnosis, no psychiatrist telling the world about the profound effect that this sort of "treatment" has on the victim in the long run. It's too different from the regular forms of abuse, and yet too mild to be classed as MBP. It really isn't fair! I have spent the last 9 years feeling like a desease on legs. I have had every part of my psyche and imagination twisted inside out by "professionals" to the point where I'm just an empty shell now. Seriously, there is nothing left inside of me. Not even darkness anymore. Just emptiness. No matter how hard I try, my subconciousness still believes that there is something severely wrong with my brain and body. Nothing is as it should be. I'm sick, sick, sick! And retarded. And incapable of an adult lifestyle (I was bullied at college because I wasn't sexually active, everyone treated me like a retard).

It's bloody unfair that what my parents did was given a million different excuses by the "professionals": they were tired, they were worried about me, they didn't know how to handle a teenager, I was overreacting, my parents loved me very much and in time I would see that, bla bla bla. Not once - NOT ONCE - did anyone say "this is wrong". The only people who believe me are the therapists I'm seeing now, and I feel like the only reason they don't question my "story" is because they have only heard my side of it. Everyone who spoke to my parents always came to the conclusion that they were just lovely people, and that if I stopped having unreasonable ideas of what a parent should be, then I would soon feel better. So the only way for me to be taken seriously is by isolating my therapists from my parents. And I will never be able to tell a future friend or partner about my past, because they wouldn't believe me (I currently have neither friends nor a partner).

I have told my psychologist about this, and she says that she understands why I can't trust people anymore. No matter how accepted I feel while I'm talking to her, as soon as I leave her office the anger overpowers me again. I feel like it's me against the whole world.

It's simply not fair that other abused children grow up to find scientific definitions of the abuse they experienced, and support groups and communities and whatever, and I have nothing. Why is it that MBP survivors have autobiographies and films and scientific facts to turn to - in short, they are taken seriously - while I have to be content with a few psychologists having faith in me to tell them the truth?

I always feel a little less angry after posting on this forum. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my intent. I know and understand how awful you lives have been, and coming from someone who has had her own problems diminished, I would absolutely not wish for you to feel like that's what I'm doing to you.

*Pity rant over*
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby helloagain » Tue Dec 20, 2016 3:30 am

I'm sorry for you. Recently a psychiatric form of MSbP has been postulated – Psychiatric Munchausens Syndrome By Proxy – which involves the presentation of a psychiatric disorder in the child. So your case, though rare, is no less valid as a child abuse case.
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby malfif » Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:10 pm

helloagain wrote:I'm sorry for you. Recently a psychiatric form of MSbP has been postulated – Psychiatric Munchausens Syndrome By Proxy – which involves the presentation of a psychiatric disorder in the child. So your case, though rare, is no less valid as a child abuse case.


Thank you for your reply! I googled "psychiatric MSbP". All I found was one sentence on the wikipedia page for MBP:

"More recently a psychiatric form of MSbP has been postulated – Psychiatric Munchausens Syndrome By Proxy – which involves the presentation of a psychiatric disorder in the child."

I'm so thankful to you for helping me find it. I suppose it is very difficult to find internet pages mentioning the psychiatric version, as psychiatric issues are a massive part of the normal version of MBP, so when you google it, the normal version still dominates the results. Nevertheless, I will keep searching.
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby helloagain » Wed Dec 21, 2016 3:21 pm

By the way the name of the disorder has been changed from"Munchausen by proxy to Factitious disorder imposed on another and there are two publications:
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/wol1/doi ... 7/abstract
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1 ... 057.x/full
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby Terry E. » Wed Dec 21, 2016 7:31 pm

Okay, deep breath time.

My mother was a Muncher back in the 60's .. long before meadows coined the term.

It sounds like classic MBP although it does not have one characteristic. With the usual cases it is one parent seeking attention from others. That is what signifies MBP the attention seeking.

Now if you read here, NONE of us ever got recognised as MBP. MBP is thought to take place in less than 1 in 50,000 and only the stupid ones get caught.

You situation is very strange. We get very strange here. The very strange unbelievable turns up in the abuse forums way more than you would think.

Did you finish college ?

Do you have a place to stay ?

Do you have any close friends ?

how are you financially ?

is there a plan to move forward ?
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby helloagain » Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:35 pm

Generally only one parent will be the perpetrator, but here both are in cahoots - another rarity?
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby malfif » Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:55 pm

Terry E. wrote:Okay, deep breath time.

My mother was a Muncher back in the 60's .. long before meadows coined the term.

It sounds like classic MBP although it does not have one characteristic. With the usual cases it is one parent seeking attention from others. That is what signifies MBP the attention seeking.

Now if you read here, NONE of us ever got recognised as MBP. MBP is thought to take place in less than 1 in 50,000 and only the stupid ones get caught.

You situation is very strange. We get very strange here. The very strange unbelievable turns up in the abuse forums way more than you would think.

Did you finish college ?

Do you have a place to stay ?

Do you have any close friends ?

how are you financially ?

is there a plan to move forward ?


1. I never finished college, no. I'm still in therapy, two years after my suicide attemot, and am training at a work Place 9 hours a week, which is meant to ease me back into normal life.

2. Yes, social services helped me find a flat of my own.

3. No friends whatsoever. I have met some people through various work training activities though, and they have told me that I can phone them anytime I feel lonely, but I never contact anyone.

4. As I'm in therapy and work training, I receive some sort of benefit money. It's about 1100 US dollars a month (I don't live in America), which is more than enough for a comfortable life.

5. I have a work therapist, who helps me with everything from getting a daily routine to finding out what I want to do with my life. Right now he is helping me look for another work training place, because she wants me to try different things. She is also using various methods to take my abstract thoughts and wishes, and turn them into abilities that might help me determine what I want to do after work training is finished.

I did feel, even in the confusion while it was happening, that my father had two main reasons for his behaviour:

1. He wanted attention from psychiatric staff.
2. He wanted to punish me for injustices he had suffered at the hands of other people.
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby malfif » Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:20 pm

helloagain wrote:Generally only one parent will be the perpetrator, but here both are in cahoots - another rarity?


My father was the one actively seeking treatment for me, and sympathy for himself, due to my imagined illnesses. My parents have been divorced my whole life.

I believe that my mother suffers from NPD. She has always needed me to make herself look like a good parent who works harder than everyone else to take care of her children. For example, she would always provoke my older sister (who has mild asperger syndrome) into beating me, so that she could stop her, and hear from the people around us what an amazing mother she was to be able to handle such difficult children all the time.

She would also drag me along to parties on school nights, lasting into the early hours of the morning, because she wanted her friends to see her as a mother who was always surrounded bu her kids. But once at the parties, I was always left on my own for five - six hours until, after several hours of crying and being told how embarrassing I was, my mother would finally take me home. I protested everytime she wanted to take me along to these adult parties, and was always told that "I'm doing this for you!", even though she could easily have left me with my dad or a babysitter instead.

There are a million other examples of my mothers narcissism, but they don't really belong in this subforum (I sometimes write in the thread for adult children of narcs).

My point is, that my mother has always needed me to generate admiration and sympathy for herself, but in a narcissistic way rather than a MBP way. When my father's craziness started, she just happily joined in because it brought excitement and attention to her empty narc life, not because she craved attention from staff in particular.

On a side note, this got me thinking about an situation in my childhood:

If my mother was getting her attention fix at parties or at work when I was not present, then she would not come home even when my sister phoned her and said that I had gotten ill. But one time I got a common cold during (what I presume was) a boring period of her life, and she took me to the doctor to have me examined. It all depended on how much attention she got, and where it came from.

-- Wed Dec 21, 2016 11:28 pm --

helloagain wrote:By the way the name of the disorder has been changed from"Munchausen by proxy to Factitious disorder imposed on another and there are two publications:
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/wol1/doi ... 7/abstract
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1 ... 057.x/full


Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this info means to me. I would never have found this on my own.
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby Terry E. » Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:00 am

You will have already found out by now that there is very little on this. Basically Meadows made his break through back in the 70s

"to have one child die is a tragedy. To have two die is a coincidence. For three it is murder !!"

a very hotly contested individual who stuck his neck on the line.

Most of what I have seen is basically Meadows stuff rejigged.

I think anytime a parent deliberately engages in an activity to bring their child to the attention of the medical professionals it is MBP.

Really glad that you have had a chance to reboot your life.

Thanks for sharing, and I wish you all the best.

While you are looking around, look at attachment theory. We tend to have the issues from that going wrong.
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Re: I'm jealous of MBP survivors *pity rant*

Postby grandpolly » Sun Jan 22, 2017 5:25 pm

I kind of went through similar situations that you did. With the added situation that my mother is a psychiatrist.

I do not believe you should feel "jealous". I'm sure that, deep within, you're not that jealous of what they went through. You're jealous because these people do well off and that you're now stuck in the awful situation of the mental patient.

I contend that this situation is no less dramatic. Restricting MBP to only children is in itself twisted. It's only because that's where this attitude has been detected first that it has been popularised as being on children. It's also on animals and on elderly people. There's no really valid reason that it be defined as excluding mental patients.

We can talk about it if you wish.
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