Our partner

Just a question

Munchausen by Proxy message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Just a question

Postby missy7 » Tue Mar 15, 2016 5:14 am

Hi there, I'm newer to this forum and like some of you I'm trying to understand and connect more to the past. Did anyone find that your mom was so good at manipulating that she convinced you that you had no idea of anything? Do you have a tough time having your own opinions, constant fighting in your own head? My mom was so good at convincing me that she knew everything and I knew nothing and that I had it good. Makes me feel like I've been ripped into pieces and those pieces of me hate eachother. It's almost like she taught me to go at war with myself because I was such a burden to her. Drives a person batty! Does this make any sense?
missy7
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2016 2:25 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 1:00 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Just a question

Postby Terry E. » Tue Mar 15, 2016 7:28 pm

Oh my, does it make sense, certainly does. I have to rush to work but will reply properly later.
Terry E.
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1153
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:22 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 7:00 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Just a question

Postby Terry E. » Wed Mar 16, 2016 5:11 am

Firstly ... welcome. We have lots of info here on MBP. I have no formal qualification but lots of experience, first and second hand.

Also as it is often connected with other forms of abuse we have lots of info on that too. I have had the privilege of communicating with quite a few MBP survivors and all stories are different.

The one part of the story that is the same is the one that resonates with you. Hard to keep your head on straight as a child when someone who you instinctively trust (hardwired into our brains) is (pardon the expression) screwing with your mind. Takes many different forms, but in the end that is what is happening.

With outright physical abuse the child becomes aware of triggers and tries to avoid them. They become in worst cases emotional orphans. Emotional abuse is more subtle and is built about eroding self esteem and self respect.

MBP from what I am seeing really does your head in. The person making your life hell is also the one person you are driven to for safety. Does your head in.
Terry E.
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1153
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:22 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 7:00 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Just a question

Postby Terry E. » Wed Mar 16, 2016 7:50 pm

Missy the part on your story about you mum and doctors is very "MBP". Classic.

They are also not devoted mums, often abusive when not in public eye.

One thing we have observed is that they seem to thrive in a doctors presence. Not quite "glow"but something similar. Would you say she had Munchhausen syndrome, exaggerating her medical condition to gain attention ??

Also thanks for sharing, (I have read all your posts) each piece of info helps others.
Terry E.
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1153
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:22 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 7:00 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Just a question

Postby missy7 » Fri Mar 18, 2016 2:36 am

Thank you so much Terri for reading my posts. Your feedback has been very reassuring. My mom is an artist and she has always put her art first and foremost. It's almost like she's obsessed with her own art. Doctors and dentists always ask how her art was going and she would have pictures to show them and I was very much void. The tricky thing is that I really don't remember much of my childhood. I have flashbacks of a hospital room and beds but I can't remember why. My dad told my husband one time (thinking by mistake) that I almost didn't make it one time, then he changed the subject quickly. My mom had major rage issues, and she always felt like everyone worshiped her. She would always stretch the truth about about illnesses. She always loved attention and hated when didn't get it. If I took any attention away from her it wasn't good at all. I guess I was in the Doctor quite a bit for bronchitis when I was young and finally a doctor told her to stop smoking around me and she got pissed and took me else where. My dad told me that. I have no memory of it. I was an only child and the only family I had contact with sexually abused me. I've been in therapy for almost 4 years and my therapist was the one that suggested MBP. At first I was like NO WAY. It wasn't that bad for me. But when he had me read out loud the definition I started to cry and shake. I'm the type of person that never crys. It was like things were connecting but with very little memory. Then when I read the book sickend it brought me through a rollercoster of triggers, body pain, flashbacks, grieving. I'm not comparing myself at all to her tragic story but there were parts that woke up parts of me that I had no idea existed. I wonder if I will ever get back any memory? Sorry for the rant :oops:

-- Thu Mar 17, 2016 8:44 pm --

Sorry, forgot to answer your question. Yes I think my mom had munchusen, she really liked the doctors attention and she would be very over the top. She had quite the "team" of doctors. But I don't think she had any surgeries though, not sure. But out of public eye she was very abusive and really didn't care much about anything else but her art.
missy7
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2016 2:25 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 1:00 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Just a question

Postby missy7 » Sat Mar 19, 2016 12:44 am

do other victims have trouble connecting and dissociate unknowingly? I have such a hard time with connection both physical and mental. It's so invasive to me. I've gotten better with it but I get times where I want to tell everyone to step away! Makes it so hard for a marriage or friendship to thrive. Anyone experience this? :cry:
missy7
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2016 2:25 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 1:00 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Just a question

Postby Terry E. » Sat Mar 19, 2016 2:26 am

Firstly the mums never take it as far as getting cut, where is the fun in that. Part of what they do is instinctively try to prove they are the smartest person in the room by outwitting doctors. Doctors are the benchmark you are given for being smart at school.

Lazy, not achieve much but need confirmation of how bright you really are . simply fool the doctors. Not just the GPs but specialists. That is what I said about Glow, my mother was never so alive as when she was conning doctors. Much harder to con them for herself, but was easier with children as we find it hard to articulate what is wrong and we are taught to just lie there and rely on mum.

My best guess is you are MBP ( pushed further to my untrained eye, you are textbook, dear textbook) and she is a muncher. AND MUNCHERS are hated by doctors. They fear them and hate them. Their insurance fears them and hates them. Get it. Oh yes and you can guess how I feel.

Oh and it is a very rare club. Very very rare.
Terry E.
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1153
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:22 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 7:00 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Just a question

Postby Terry E. » Sat Mar 19, 2016 2:42 am

missy7 wrote:do other victims have trouble connecting and dissociate unknowingly? I have such a hard time with connection both physical and mental. It's so invasive to me. I've gotten better with it but I get times where I want to tell everyone to step away! Makes it so hard for a marriage or friendship to thrive. Anyone experience this? :cry:


Our problem is we have no benchmark of normal. Think of it this way. How much do most people think about parenting. Things happen, they just do what mum and dad did. It varies a bit, it has some social change, but basically they use their childhood as a template.

Now what will you do. Do you worry about your baggage or about over comepensating.

We do not have a normal from our own homes. You may have hung around a friends family and use that. I had an insane mother and no father. I used my first three lifting coaches as the template for being a father. I coached my sons and did not parent them. I was gruff unemotional but always there(and yes they went to nats and broke nat records as a bi product). Lots of comps but no hugs and very little emotion when we won (sorry ....they won). They are okay but could be better.

Other thing is say you have a terrible event - you get PTSD. People know that as they say "he changed so much". I have PTSD - people just say - always was a little strange". Don't worry I learned to fake it and have been very successful, only my wife sees the real me and she is also a survivor of abuse.

are you a drug addict

are you an alcoholic

are you highly promiscuous

do you have rampant OCD

do you hoard (not collect, but HOARD) we have not had a visitor to our home in over a decade, and that is because of my wife, not me.

Now if you do not tick a big tick for any of those, then congrats, you survived. You are successful.

Will it be hard. Will you at times cry uncontrollably at what was lost. Yes. Will you then rebuild from that - well, up to you but from where I sit pretty sure you will.

Oh yeah, you have had an "event". This was something that turned on the light. Happens to all of us. The structures that help us struggle through life get cracked. Feels like crap at the time but leads to greater happiness. I promise you that.
Terry E.
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1153
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:22 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 7:00 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Just a question

Postby missy7 » Tue Mar 22, 2016 3:48 am

Again thank you so much for your reply Terri, it really does help to read, process and connect the dots. I have gone through addictions, most of the ones you put down but I overcame them. Today I'm a mom working really hard to give my kids the best that I can be. Making sure they get the complete opposite of what I had. They are the reason I get up everyday, and I hope that someday I can say that it's also ME that drives me. But I'll take what I can get for now. All I know that this is a journey that takes time and it has it's beautiful life changing moments and it has its all time horrific lows. But I would much rather go through the fire then being stuck in the hell of the past.
missy7
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2016 2:25 am
Local time: Thu May 25, 2017 1:00 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Just a question

Postby moon_in_june » Wed Apr 13, 2016 12:55 am

missy7 wrote:do other victims have trouble connecting and dissociate unknowingly? I have such a hard time with connection both physical and mental. It's so invasive to me. I've gotten better with it but I get times where I want to tell everyone to step away! Makes it so hard for a marriage or friendship to thrive. Anyone experience this? :cry:


yes, yes, yes. i can relate. connecting is so hard for me, and not at all because i don't want to. i've actually had a lover say to me: "you see this, norah? this is us connecting and reacting in the moment, this is how it's done".
moon_in_june
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2016 10:39 pm
Local time: Wed May 24, 2017 11:00 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Munchausen by Proxy




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 39 guests

cron