do other victims have trouble connecting and dissociate unknowingly? I have such a hard time with connection both physical and mental. It's so invasive to me. I've gotten better with it but I get times where I want to tell everyone to step away! Makes it so hard for a marriage or friendship to thrive. Anyone experience this?
Our problem is we have no benchmark of normal. Think of it this way. How much do most people think about parenting. Things happen, they just do what mum and dad did. It varies a bit, it has some social change, but basically they use their childhood as a template.
Now what will you do. Do you worry about your baggage or about over comepensating.
We do not have a normal from our own homes. You may have hung around a friends family and use that. I had an insane mother and no father. I used my first three lifting coaches as the template for being a father. I coached my sons and did not parent them. I was gruff unemotional but always there(and yes they went to nats and broke nat records as a bi product). Lots of comps but no hugs and very little emotion when we won (sorry ....they won). They are okay but could be better.
Other thing is say you have a terrible event - you get PTSD. People know that as they say "he changed so much". I have PTSD - people just say - always was a little strange". Don't worry I learned to fake it and have been very successful, only my wife sees the real me and she is also a survivor of abuse.
are you a drug addict
are you an alcoholic
are you highly promiscuous
do you have rampant OCD
do you hoard (not collect, but HOARD) we have not had a visitor to our home in over a decade, and that is because of my wife, not me.
Now if you do not tick a big tick for any of those, then congrats, you survived. You are successful.
Will it be hard. Will you at times cry uncontrollably at what was lost. Yes. Will you then rebuild from that - well, up to you but from where I sit pretty sure you will.
Oh yeah, you have had an "event"
. This was something that turned on the light. Happens to all of us. The structures that help us struggle through life get cracked. Feels like crap at the time but leads to greater happiness. I promise you that.