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MBP with Adult ("prime of life") Male Proxy?

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MBP with Adult ("prime of life") Male Proxy?

Postby BrotherN » Sun Sep 27, 2015 7:07 pm

There is some indication that a family member (adult male) may be being victimized (factitious disorder by proxy) by his wife, who is a physician (M.D., general family practice) and has a history of inappropriate diagnosis and treatment of her own daughter (who has now grown and gone). Since the wife in question has the authority and status of being a physician herself, and the possible victim is not a child or fragile senior, what, if anything, could be done, in this case?
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Re: MBP with Adult ("prime of life") Male Proxy?

Postby Terry E. » Tue Sep 29, 2015 3:47 am

Firstly I am sorry you have come here. You obviously are aware how difficult these things are.

The issue with MBP is that the mother (I have never heard of a father MBP though I am not saying it has not happened) has such control over the victim that the imperative exists for someone else, a doctor, nurse family member (or the state) to act once suspicion is raised.

It is different with adults.

My mother tried to kill my father twice. Did he do anything except make apologies for her inexplicable behavior, .. no. It was only after he was forced to leave home (the after effects of her behavior) that he had clarity looking back. Something he had lacked for 45 years.

What I am saying is that sometimes peoples relationships are very strange.

So apart from supporting your family member I am not sure what you can do, that may not damage your family dynamic.

Sorry, but I am not much help.
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Re: MBP with Adult ("prime of life") Male Proxy?

Postby BrotherN » Tue Sep 29, 2015 12:30 pm

Thank you for your candor and your kindness. All I have been reading seems to confirm your personal experience, that with an adult spouse "proxy" there is probably nothing to be done that would be of help.

I guess what I am trying to weigh is whether it is worthwhile to attempt any kind of intervention, even knowing full well that it is 1) unlikely to actually help and 2) possible that it will actually make things worse, both for my brother and for the family (I expect that if she even knew I were posting here and researching this, that would be the complete end of my ever being able to communicate with my brother again in any way).

What I am weighing against that is the possibility (which, the more I learn about this, the more of a real and present danger it seems) that my brother may actually be in mortal danger. It seems that, IF that is in fact the case (which is very hard to determine, since we have almost no contact with them now), that we have a moral duty to do SOMETHING to try to prevent what may in fact be real injury, or even eventually murder, perpetrated upon my brother.

On the other hand, if in point of fact there is nothing that CAN reasonably be done that even has a chance of improving the situation, and the only actions that we COULD take would be only likely to make his situation worse and there is no realistic chance of their making his situation better, then we must not act.

Any thoughts on the assessment of these alternatives, especially any experience with the realities of intervention and the outcomes thereof, are greatly appreciated!
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Re: MBP with Adult ("prime of life") Male Proxy?

Postby Terry E. » Wed Sep 30, 2015 8:41 am

When I was 33 my mother ramped up enough to get committed (delivered to the institution in straight jacket and put in padded cell until they could get her down).

My father at the time was still working for a well know multi national as a CFO.

Seeing this opportunity I visited Dad and outlined a financial plan for their separation. He could not do it.

After her second attempt to kill him (he had a stroke and she left him on the floor for two days - it is not actually that simple but no room for it here) I got him into a nursing home, he was around 76. He was very depressed at winding up there. One thing in a early conversation was him referring to my mother by a personal name of endearment I had never heard before. He expressed such sadness and pity and compassion for her, genuine love. It took some time living with normal people being treated with respect that he saw the truth.

He was one of the most brilliant accountants in our country in his generation.

What I am saying is, I think an attempt at intervention will only damage your relationship and possibly prevent you for being there, when you can actually achieve something.

Psychologists will come up for all sorts of explanations ... "caught in a toxic relationship, etc" but the reality is our relationships can be very complex.

Don't think you are doing nothing. Just being available in case he needs you is something.
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