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Oh My Goodness...

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Oh My Goodness...

Postby daffy duck » Mon Sep 14, 2015 2:39 am

Well, finally. I finally found some people writing on a forum talking about this "phenomena"... (eye roll). I don't want to be writing on here. I really don't. I don't want to be talking about this. But, since my mother doesn't mind being totally crazy let me just sound crazy too for a moment... (knowing I'm not - finally). I'll sound ambivalent at worst. I do want to talk about this... I finally found some stories of people on here... I've only read a couple but I know it's others' experiences too even though I have had no other real people to talk with about this. The last few days I kept thinking if I don't find someone to talk to I'm just going to explode, ya know? I mean, I've kept searching trying to find others who have had similar experiences. So, now, I found someone who wrote on here and I've read a couple things - my heart feels relief finally.

So, here's the other part - why? No one needs to answer this... but why? It is all so unnecessary... I found some writing on here where others had the same experience -and just so everyone (if there is anyone else really here on this forum - I do feel a bit like I'm not sure if this is a real place or like I'm in the "twilight zone" as someone else mentioned... but just so everyone knows... (I hope there is someone here) - I don't want to be here but I'm glad you are here and have written about this...

I'm just so sad.

Thanks for writing your thoughts. I plan on reading every one of the posts on here that I can find about this subject. I don't want to but I will. I do and I don't.

It's just so sad. I'm not suicidal at all, I'm just feeling the futility of it all... why MBP? If anything - why that? Maybe I'm selfish for asking that question. I don't care anymore. It's just so sad.
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Re: Oh My Goodness...

Postby Terry E. » Mon Sep 14, 2015 8:45 am

The reason why this forum is one of the quietest is because it is really very rare. We have kicked it around on here, and I have had some pms with others that have gone into greater detail. I have some views which differ from the mainstream and I can explain the logic if asked.

From your post I am guessing that you are a survivor. When you have read around the forum let us know some of your own story.

Hope you are okay and it may be quite but people do drop in ( I read every day).

Take care.
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Re: Oh My Goodness...

Postby daffy duck » Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:51 am

Terry,

Thanks for the response. I'm very glad you read on here. Yes, I've heard it's rare... Would like to hear your "un-mainstream" thoughts and logic. So, I'm officially asking you to share.

Yes, I'll keep reading others post - I gain something of a relief each time I do. I sure think about what to write a lot - given the opportunity now exists to do so. Thank Goodness.

(Shakes Hands) Thanks,

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Re: Oh My Goodness...

Postby Terry E. » Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:45 am

I think the big thing I have gotten out of my reading is that too much is made of Meadows , who coined the phrase .. loose two children is a coincidence .. three is murder"he is very important as the first person to actually stand up and say .. "you know what, not all mums are nice", and he was the first to come out and say "she looks sweet but she is a murderer of her own children. I don't know if you could have come out with anything more outrageous at the time. To get traction for his ideas Meadows used hyperbole. This was later turned around against him. The man was basically being Freud and yes everything he did was not correct but many of the fundamentals were.

So,1/ read some about Meadows.

2/. You will continually come up with. "she is MBP because she does the following". That "following" is usually pulled out from one FBI profiler who around 20 years ago came up with a profile of MBP. People now take it as gospel.
" She is a caring mum "(no many MBP mums are utter bitches in private to their kids). She seeks attention from doctors."" No many want attention, but it could be their father, husband etc. they crave attention from. "She has been involved with hospitals, as a nurse or someone in her family has been. (I seldom see this), but those three are in the profile and that has thrown up lots of women who have sick kids and are basically what I call the "hysterical mum".

My youngest had been in a auto incident. He was released after 4 1/2 weeks. They did not tell us, that if you are flat on your back for that time then your gall bladder packs up. He was in the ER in excruciating pain while we stood behind a mum worried about her little boy who had a cough or sniffle who was at the time running up and down the halls. Hysterical mum syndrome is sometimes by uninformed observers misconstrued as MBP.

An MBP mum can be anyone from any background, high intellect or not. They can have Munchausens themselves or not. Each case is different.

I will think some more on this.

Read on.
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Re: Oh My Goodness...

Postby Terry E. » Thu Sep 17, 2015 2:19 am

Another one is that MBP seems to stop at around the age children go to school.

Well not in any of the cases I have previously had personal experience with.

Mine finished when a weightlifting coach started overseeing my life (very closely as something did not make sense) and my brother had all his incidents (four major ear ops) after six.

Several people that fit all of my MBP red flags were never actually able to work out how she did it. Later in life the light globe may go on, maybe when they are a parent.

There are so many ways to poison a child, I am starting to believe only the idiots got caught.
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Re: Oh My Goodness...

Postby daffy duck » Fri Sep 18, 2015 2:34 am

Yes, the very things you are saying about Meadows explains why I hear most of what is in the mainstream about Munchausen By Proxy today. And, I highly agree with the things that you mentioned about "some mom's are just bitches..."; and "not all are hysterical", they can come from any background and circumstance and each case is different.

So - without the label of "Munchausen By Proxy" or "Munchausen Syndrome" - what do we make of this type of "in-human behvavior"?

It's just sad.

I am half afraid to write on here even though I'm extremely glad that I have a place to do so as I'm also thinking that my situation doesn't necessarily fit "Munchausen". My psychologist, a long while ago, was the first person to mention the word to me; and then only once was it brought up. I am thinking now that it should have been more of an intentional discussion about it at that time. By the way, the first time I was ever informed about "Gas Lighting" was by my mother!

There seems to be an element with some of my own scenario's where it wouldn't be nearly as fun, it seems, if someone didn't at least "think" that it was her (my mom) doing things to screw with my head.

It's all so futile. So unnecessary.

(Eye Roll) (Shakes Head)

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Re: Oh My Goodness...

Postby Terry E. » Fri Sep 18, 2015 6:27 am

Daff, one day the woman who is in charge of my mothers nursing home used the standard line of "your mother is so nice , everyone loves her"as I was leaving the office. I have been hearing this all my life. For the first time I just quietly said, "my mother is a monster". I was surprised when she asked why I said that. I thought for a while and told her the story of when she went after my brother with a carving knife and they both wound up in hospital, (he took it off her and then tried to kill her). it is a simple story, it says so much, I seldom need to say more. We discussed it a little more and as I was about to leave again she asked if I had ever asked her why. I was taken a little by surprise. It seems so simple, but in over 50 years I had never once thought to ask her why. Why would I invite a look into her insane mind, if I did not have to.

I did some research and found something in a science paper written back in 1970 into an investigation into "Battered Children". In those days if it was not physical assault it was not considered abuse.

He went through numerous reason why mothers did this, I kept reading and found one that resonates.

She was unhappy and bored. A very intelligent woman who was extremely lazy, very self centered, a very strong narcissist, grew up with wealth, social status, and who was unhappy with life but paralyzed with fear about doing anything about it so wrapped herself in excuses with illness, sick children and then demanded her fathers attention and money accordingly.

Just a very pathetic person.
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Re: Oh My Goodness...

Postby daffy duck » Mon Sep 21, 2015 2:18 am

Hi Terry,

A favorite author of mine (Eckhart Tolle) said (and I'm paraphrasing) A bored ego is a dangerous one.

And, by the way, you've officially used my favorite word "resonate"!

I resonate with the description you pointed out: (your mom was) "...unhappy, bored, paralyzed with fear, and demanding." Everyone always says how very nice my mother is and no one would ever believe me if I told them the harshness of it all.

Exactly as you found in the research "...if it wasn't physical abuse then it wasn't abuse... " and I don't know about you, but it was plentiful all the way around. The mental abuse was so bad that I didn't even know that the physical abuse was "wrong" if you know what I mean. I just thought I was a bad person and focused more on "wishing" others would validate that the physical abuse was not supposed to be happening to me. Now, I know better. Wow. To think I didn't even have the knowledge that it shouldn't be happening... I was so naive and unassuming. I've always been an angry person - and have plenty of moods... a lot like Daffy Duck, actually. But, I'm beginning to like me now. The more I see about things - about the way things really were and uncovering my mother's motives has enabled me to clarify my thinking about myself and others and her...and I find myself able to care about myself more and also to let all the negative feelings go more quickly when they arise.

I understand about never thinking to ask your mom "why", though. Let me share with you something I was privileged to happen upon about 10 years ago...

My mom had come over to my house and I was single, not married, and I lived alone. She came to visit and it felt nice having her there in my home. I don't know why but I felt a bit of an intimate feeling (keep in mind I had no conscious knowledge of her issues and no reason to suspect anything at all and didn't) so I asked her ... "So, mom, tell me something that you've never told anyone before.". "I mean, tell me something that I don't know about you". She actually obliged me and seemed eager to respond after thinking for a while. And I honestly don't know her level of consciousness about actually telling me... because it was only after I started to come into my own sense of right treatment and matured enough to tell others how I wanted to be treated that I began to see another dynamic completely with her. The more "self" "centered", if you will, that I became the more violent verbally and the more challenging she became. And, that only served to help clarify things and I could eventually see more and more as time went on. Formulating that your mother is like this is not fun and kinda well... "blows your mind" ya know?

But anyway, she began to tell me a story about her being in grade school and how there was a girl that sat in front of her in class and a pencil of hers fell on the floor. My mother had picked up the pencil and put it in her desk. She said the teacher asked who took "so and so's" pencil or if anyone had seen it and if they had accidentally taken the pencil to just return it. So, no one confessed to it and my mother was content to hide that she had taken the pencil. She actually said that she "to this day" receives pleasure from thinking that no one knows that she took that pencil and she thinks of the teacher who still, to this day has no idea who took that pencil. My mother's focus seemed to be on tricking the teacher rather than actually having taken the girl's pencil. So, the girl was just a "pawn" a "chess piece" ... and a "plaything" which is how I hear a lot of people describe the objectifying experience of malignant narcissism... and the teacher was the real focus. This story just blows me away because it's the first in a whole line up of stories that only help to clarify her adult behavior.

Perhaps I'll write more later, but as to the question of "why" I understand her past to have been very painful just as mine has been. She was not physically abused per say - but the mental abuse was prominent. I've been able to identify Munchausen behavior as far back as 3 generations since I was lucky to have had a discussion with my mother's cousin about his grandmother.

These discoveries are coming to a head more and more lately... with my insistence that I am entitled to love and care same as the next person and was blessed to have met my husband ... we were just married two weeks ago. I had my wedding in my home town and it proved to be very "enlightening". That's why I found this forum.

Long post -

I'm sorry for the pain in your life and the life of those others who have been subjected to the deeply unconscious behavior of a person with MBP. Thanks for sharing.

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