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Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

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Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby HealthyOne0809 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 2:16 am

This is Really, really tough for me to confront/write about, and b/c of a recent occurrence-I need help and cannot delay this any longer. This is my first time reaching out, I suppose that I should start my story from the beginning: I started getting "sick" at the age of two years old. This is when my mother first began to take me in to the hospital regularly, sometimes multiple times in a night. I was diagnosed, misdiagnosed, tested and re-tested until finally they landed on something to call it-which they found through a muscle biopsy at the age of 6. My symptoms were that of extreme vomiting, sweating, my body would emit a sort of toxic scent-likened to a "fishy odour" leading up to, and during my event of getting sick. I would become ill on the dot, every two months, waking up w symptoms of dizzy-ness that would come in waves, and vomiting. The doctors pinned me with Mitochondrial Myopathy at the age of 6 after running me through constant tests that would come back negative, or normal. Honestly, I have none of the symptoms for Mitochondrial Mypathy-and never have. No muscle pain or weakness, no wheelchair. I'm fine. This mysterious disease that I had was something that was attributed to the Mitochondrial Myopathy my entire life. I would get sick every two months, my mom would take me in, and they would pump me full of drugs on an I.V. Wash, rinse, repeat. They never questioned anything that my mom had to say. She was friends with the nurses, and bc the Mitochondrial Myopathy was so rare, and very little was known about it-the doctors would basically listen to her. It wasn't until I was twelve and one of the doctors on asked me how my head pain was on a scale of one to ten, and I responded fine, I don't have any head pain-that I started to think my illness had nothing to do with Mitochondrial Myopathy(Let's just call it M.M.). Part of M.M. deals with lack of energy and muscle weakness . I always had to be given snacks and was given special treatment in school. The school nurses, and all of the staff knew that I was a special sick kid, and my mom was very closely involved with all of them. She was careful to tell my P.E. teachers to not have me excercise(bc of the M.M.) which led to poor muscle structure and an unhealthy way of life at a very young age. Again, it wasn't until about twelve that I started to work out and realize that everything I had ever been told was a lie. My illness, whatever it was, was awful. I don't want to elaborate, bc even now as I write this it makes me shake and terrified to recall. I would feel on the brink of death. The vomiting and dizziness would stop the next day after fluids and medications were given. The medications since the age of two administered to me every two months when sick were- Morphine(typically an I.V. Pump) or Demerol, and phenergan. I was given multiple vitamins and had to take Carnitine in liquid form, two and a half teaspoons three times a day. I eventually stopped all of these w no problems. I think after I started questioning my disease and working out at twelve, is when I noticed my mom going to therapy. I remember her telling me that she had 4 different therapists, and that they were working on her "letting me go"(having more freedom). Let's explain a little about my mom, and the relationship aspect and how it plays in. She is a moody, unstable individual, and a severe closet-alcoholic. She was repeatedly, and severely molested and abused(and neglected) as a child. She would grow up to be a very mean mother, indeed. I remember her hitting me, screaming, ignoring me to have sex with her boyfriend. She was terrifying, or very sweet. Fake, even-bc InnFront of everyone else-she wanted to appear as the helpless(single mom) with a sick daughter. She adopted my brother at birth, while married, and conceived me with another man 5 years later. She treats my brother and I completely differently. He is like her pet. I now believe after finding out that her divorce was because of my conception(the man she was married to was sterile) that she would later blame and hate me for it. Everything was about single mom this, and single mom that. She would fly off on a rage out of nowhere-squeezing my mouth shut, slapping me, shoving me in a room and locking the door. When I would get sick(even though it was routine and usually always in the morning time bc I would wake up sick) she would take her time, while I would scream and vomit on myself. I remember distinctly watching her curl her hair, blow dry it, pit on her makeup, and an hour or two later, we would finally leave. At the hospital, again-she was very involved(we went to one of the nurse's weddings) and nice to everyone else. She still would be cruel or slap me behind closed doors, I.v. And all. This was normal to me. She was overbearing, and always meddling in my life. Her relationships with men were always messed up. She seemed to try and pin my brother against me as well, spoiling him and making it seem as though I was the cause of his unhappiness and anything bad that happened. He is now a thirty-something year old, living with my mom, and a functioning alcoholic. The most recent even that pushed me to write in here involved his dog-a sweet pug we will call K. But to sum up how I am still here: I stopped getting sick at 12. When I got into a more serious 'adult relationship at 17(still living at home) I began getting I'll again. When I moved out, my mom would send me care packages. It was only after getting sick eitherA) after she visited or b) after eating one of these huge care packages that she would mail me that I started to think that I was getting poisoned some way. I was 19. After I verbalized to my mother how I felt, and that I thought it was Reeeeaaallly strange that after having this big illness that was such a big deal for so long, and *poof* it just disappears and no one questions it or even talks about it anymore, I thought it was strange. I eluded that I thought she had done something. She exploded with narcissistic tears, how could you do this to me, blah blah. I haven't been sick since, and not a single word about it. Our relationship remained rocky and distant, and at 23 when I began dating my present boyfriend, I cut her off. She tried to meddle,..her and my brother stole my car in the middle of the night bc they had a key-even though I had paid it off it was still in her name. I had received scathing messages from my brother asking me how I could do this-but I was open to him about what I really had thought about her and that she'd somehow been making me sick, but I think bc he is adopted and has been made to be her pet-he did not want to believe it. Those two years were the best, happiest, most healthy of my life. Something happened, and I got to a low point, let my guilt get to me, and decided to let her in my life again. My boyfriend knows everything. He wishes that I wouldn't talk to her, but he also understands my wish to keep it at a distance. I watch her around my food, if I'm not there, then my bf is. I keep her emotionally at a distance. I realize that she is sick, and constantly seeking attention. She is a speech therapist and a semi-rundown school. She gets to play God at her job, and decide who has what, who delayed, who's on the spectrum. Everyone's always sick. As a baby, I had slow muscle development, yada yada. I am fine. She would eat it up with the doctors before I knew any better. I remember being at the dr. Office and getting ushered out of the room. They would have me play with toys, and when I would come back in, my mom would be sobbing. I later learned that when they would do this, they were going over my prognosis, and my mom was told, and believed-that I would be in a wheelchair by thirteen. I have been liked, prodded, filled up, and drained, put through more pain than you can imagine. When I was 11 I was sent to be involved in a M.M. study for Children at the Children's Hospital of San Diego. I was put through hell for absolutely no reason. They starved me for three days, made me chug one and a half pints of pure fructose sugar and then monitored my reaction. They stuck probes in my eyes in a dark room, I saw myself in a mirror with copper wires jutting out from all around the circumference of my iris. I had needles stuck I to my muscled and then shocked with electricity. I later learned that bc I was under 18, without me knowing, my mom had signed off on me to be a part of this study. You are probably wondering more about the M.M. Well I know it is all bullsh**, bc it is handed down through the female genome, so literally everyone on my mom's side, including my mom, has it. We get migraines(bc that IS something that runs in my family and causes problems) but other than that we are all healthy within normal standards. I have absolutely NONE of the symptoms for Mitochondrial Myopathy. The doctors clearly just pinniped it to that after thousands of tests, bc they didn't know what else to do. So, bringing us to the present. My brother's dog recently became ill. He was a Pug, and 13 so his time was coming, but the way it all happened scared me. My mom seemed resentful to be the one to watch my brother's dog every night, while he went out to party. After K. had an ear infection, my mom acted like he was already dead. The vet told my brother, and my mom, that K. Looked healthy otherwise, and would be just fine. My brother begged my mom to stop acting like he was dead. Sure enough, after a dramatic week, K. was perfectly fine, and healthy again after some antibiotics(it was an ear infection). So here is where is gets scary: the day after K. was acting fine again, my mom fed K. & her dog, some bad ground meat. Severe diarrhea ensued. She says that her dog didn't eat as much as K. did-so my brother's 13 year old dog got severely sick. She took hi. To the vet, and got him on anti diarrhea meds. He then had incredibly labored breathing. I saw him, and asked her if she's given him too much medication, and she blamed it on the vet, saying that she heard them speaking about having administered too much. Yeah, right. She even tried to get him on pain meds, and the vet apparently snapped at her and said"Now why would we do that? Just where do you think he has pain?" On New Year's Eve day, K. Was taken to the vet again, given a few shots, and was eating and going to the potty just fine. That night, when my brother was headed out to celebrate, he told me that my mom was furious. She asked him,"You aren't going to stay home and take care of your sick dog??" When my brother showed up at my mom's request the next morning, as him and his friend walked in to the house, my mom was sitting there holding K.'s dead body. She said,"He didn't make it." My brother's friend started screaming, and freaking out, bc she hadn't told them anything. When my mom recounted what had happened as he died to my bf and I, we both got the same exact feeling that she had chocked him to death. My mom said that he was panting all night, and she wet his tongue. When she lifted him up to take him outside, his whole body jerked up-and he died. She told me that her heart was pounding like crazy. I thought that was strange. She kept saying it too-how her heart kept pounding as he was dying, and for hours afterwards. My mom and my bf left for a bit the day K died, and that's when my brother said it, he asked me if I thought our mom had killed his dog. He said it had been in his mind the whole time. It's refreshing to know that he's not completely ignorant, but creepy to have that conversation with your family about your mom. Now she's saying her dog is sick. She books doctor appointments left and right. Every week it's something : the dentist, the eye dr.,dermatologist, ect ect.
My question is this: if my mom IS capable of killing a dog, do you think she's capable of doing the same to a human? Where do I go from here? How do I keep her at a safe distance without constantly being plagued by my brother or worse? Is there a way of stopping her, and how? Do you think that she has 'Munchausen's and Munchausen's by Proxy? I know it sounds crazy, but I am a child of her, and that barrier still just doesn't allow me to know. Please help. I am scared, and I need help from the community

I will end on this: I never forgot the time I was laying in the hospital bed, and watching a crime show on the t.v. with my mom. The child was getting ill by her mom, and that's when my own mother turned to me and said,"It's called Munchausen's by Proxy. It's when the mom makes the child sick." And the way she eluded to something more made it to where it has never left my mind, even as a child.

Thanks for reading
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Re: Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby Terry E. » Fri Jan 16, 2015 12:00 am

Do you know how rare MBPS is. In Australia they believe it is around 15-25 cases per year in a population of 30 Million. So it is very rare.

I think you know that your Mum has it, but only are chasing the how, factor. I realised my mum was MBP many years ago but was an adult at the time. I had bought into being the chronic sick kid as a fact and never questioned it or that my brother needed four major ear operations for ear infections. But I could not work out how she did it. I was starved routinely poisoned with a combination of triggering an allergy then overloading a very weak body with cough mixture (alcohol). That took years to work out.

Your mum appears to be MBP, but they are very, very good at hiding it, only the idiots get caught. Take the time, sift through your life, try and find the trigger she used. If you were always sick, you do not need much of a nudge to get really sick, but if you can find that trigger, I assure you, you will feel much better.

Now what to do.

My situation although similar had other complexity, as my brother who had also been violently abused turned on my mother and I, and raised the violence and destruction threshold. I became at around 12 my primary abusers protector, so never got the see her properly until many years later she got forcibly institutionalised and the doctors explained to me many truths I could not see. I protected my mum and loved my mum.

I now never have anything to do with her, my kids look after her needs, she is in a nursing home, I visit her twice a year, my nightmares are gone (had nightmares about getting beaten until I was a around 55), never knew mother's love, and now don't care.

Your bf sounds great, build strong friendships, emotionally learn to cut your family off, you can't help them, they can't change. Remember that, they can't change, you can't produce happy outcomes for them.

So deal with them, but emotionally cut them off.

Now as so much of your story is so familiar to mine, and as I said these cases are so very rare. I am very interested in your storey. I am interested as to what your father did, was doing through out all this? Also other members of your family, your mums relationship to her father, brothers sisters ?

Also you mentioned working out at 12. Was there anyone who helped, supported, mentored you then, a girl working out is not common at 12, pretty unusual unless she is an athlete, so wondered if you were pushed led or found it yourself.

And how did you know about being so sick at two. Did you mum tell you. Apparently I first caught pneumonia when I was 6 months old (in middle of summer). This she told me. I only worked out she broke my nose before I was five as it is before I can remember it, and when I had my nose fixed I found out why I had so many problems breathing, it of course had been broken. (who breaks a toddlers nose).

So I wish I could help you more, but think you have done most of what you needed yourself. You however can help me, as I try and get a better understanding of this.

Any way, look after yourself, thanks for sharing and take care.
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Re: Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby Terry E. » Fri Jan 16, 2015 6:33 am

I don't think I emphasised this enough. Yep you have been through hell, but you have survived.
Always remember that, remember how strong you are.


and thank you so very much for taking the courage and time to open up an share.

don't quite know why but reading yours made me feel a little better somewhere deep inside
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Re: Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby Terry E. » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:57 pm

one more question, has your mum also had a history of illness ??
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Re: Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby HealthyOne0809 » Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:14 am

Hi:). Thank you so much for the response. I was mis-reading the site-I thought that no one had replied yet(which is why I didn't reply sooner). So thank you. I am happy to answer any questions regarding this issue-& trust me, after pushing out that long of a post, I realized that I'd left out many pertinent details, so here we are. My mom DID in fact make herself sick or cause damage to herself for attention as a child. I know that the biggest thing, was she would fairly regularly hold her breath until she passed out-for attention from my grandparents. It got to the point that she did it so often, they would just ignore her. The way that she would eventually "come-to" is by urinating on herself. She told me that the sensation would wake her up. My grandparents obviously ignored her-so there's that. I also forgot to mention-I have no father. Well, obviously-I do, but I've never so much as seen a picture of him. There is lots of mystery surrounding my birthdad. She's told me his name-that's it, but my brother says that he thinks she is lying. The man that she was married to when she became pregnant with me(that's the reason why they got divorced, my conception) never was in the picture. She was and is very resentful of having to raise my brother and I alone, which is why I think she resented me even as a baby. The age of two is just when she started routinely taking me into the Emergency Rooms to get shots(of morphine or Demerol). I know that bc of what she says, and what my brother and Grandparents said, when they were still alive. I could've been getting sick before that, but the age of two is when I started screaming as a baby and wouldn't stop, as well as extreme vomiting. So, as you can see-it's pretty scary, bc the boyfriends that she had were never really that close, or close enough to know what was going on, and really-I think that she did it for the sympathy of being a "single mom" with "such a sick kid". I still don't know what she used on me, whatever it was must've had a slow buildup in my system, bc I could feel my body becoming more toxic, and my sweat would smell different. And I would get sick on the dot, every two months. No one even questioned it, it's so strange. She fed everyone the same lines, almost, about my illness, she even had the doctors on call eating out of her hand. It makes me sick. Not a single word about it since I've been well. It scares me to death that I don't know what she used. I've done some research, and I considered iron poisoning, bc it's a slower buildup, and has no taste or smell to it. I do remember her giving me cough syrup pretty much nightly as a child-when I would wake up crying, as a way to put me back to sleep. As a result, I hate the smell/taste of artificial cherry. She would smack me or whatever, and shove it down my throat. I want to make sure I answer everything you've asked, oh yes-she does have a brother, but they don't speak. She's always been quite alienated from everyone. She just had a colonoscopy today, and every single week it's something new. She visits eye doc's, stomach, dentists, you name it, she's there. Is there any way to stop this, or get her help? Bc it is so rare, and it's tough to discern..is there anything I can do to stop her? Thanks for your help, I'm glad that I made you feel a bit better, bc you helped me do the same.
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Re: Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby Terry E. » Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:17 am

Well I think you can now feel safe in the belief that you were the victim of MBP. That knowledge may help you move forward. I hope it does. As I said at first it is really very rare, but from what you have written you have suffered physical and emotional abuse but also MBP. Unfortunately MBP is so new and rare that even the legal professions in many countries struggle to work out what to do when they find it. In Australia we have changed the definition so as to assist the courts. So unfortunately that knowledge is something you should be careful with sharing as not everyone is willing to accept such a condition exists and as you know the perpetrators are very good at concealment.

You do now however have better understanding of your life, of the various things that may be triggers for you and can hopefully use such understanding to live a fuller happier life. Without sharing too much, I am amazed at how many of the little things you experienced mirrored my own life.

Just for my own interest I am still interested in when you went to the gym (or whatever) at 12. Were you led or pushed by someone, as I said it is very rare for a no athlete at that age. Is there anyone an adult who you were able to lean on at times, mentored you, helped etc.

.. and I am glad you joined us here. You may also visit the Child Abuse forum, there is lots there and some is relevant to you and your family relationships.

Take care.
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Re: Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby HealthyOne0809 » Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:43 am

Hi again, I did forget to mention why I started to exercise. I was put on many different diets as a kid, no fat(max 7g/day) then it was no sugar, then it was I had to have sugar, ect. That combined w the Carnitine had definitely done a number on my young metabolism. I was allowed to suddenly start eating fat again at the age of 8, so when I did, it put on weight faster than you can imagine(bc I wasn't "allowed" to work out). I was sick and tired of being made fun of at school, for being chubby, so I began watching what I ate, and running in the mornings at the age of twelve. I hope that helped. Also, yes it is odd to hear a bit of your story and be able to relate. As far as having the reality of my mom having Munchausen's, it's kind of like an out-of-body experience to face the truth of it. Maybe it's because I believe people should (key word-should)to be able to look to their parents for nurturing love and care. When that boundary is not only crossed, but completely dismantled, the mind starts to disconnect, maybe for self-preservation. I appreciate what you have shared with me. Thanks again

-- Fri Jan 16, 2015 8:46 pm --

Hi again, I did forget to mention why I started to exercise. I was put on many different diets as a kid, no fat(max 7g/day) then it was no sugar, then it was I had to have sugar, ect. That combined w the Carnitine had definitely done a number on my young metabolism. I was allowed to suddenly start eating fat again at the age of 8, so when I did, it put on weight faster than you can imagine(bc I wasn't "allowed" to work out). I was sick and tired of being made fun of at school, for being chubby, so I began watching what I ate, and running in the mornings at the age of twelve. I hope that helped. Also, yes it is odd to hear a bit of your story and be able to relate. As far as having the reality of my mom having Munchausen's, it's kind of like an out-of-body experience to face the truth of it. Maybe it's because I believe people should (key word-should)to be able to look to their parents for nurturing love and care. When that boundary is not only crossed, but completely dismantled, the mind starts to disconnect, maybe for self-preservation. I appreciate what you have shared with me. Thanks again
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Re: Does My Mom Have Munchausen's Urgent***PleaseHelp

Postby Terry E. » Sat Jan 17, 2015 7:39 am

I will send you a PM tomorrow. Some details we share in common that I am not too keen to give out as the info is so rare.

Some striking similarities, hope they help you put things more in perspective.

Terry
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