I grew up thinking I was really sick and something was really wrong with me. Like I said earlier part of me also liked being sick because that's when I was the only time I felt loved.
Or do people with Munchausen's syndrome by proxy really believe their children are sick? because my mom seems to genuinely think I am sick...but she seems to love that i am sick.
When I am around her I feel like she has some sort of hold over me still...
I guess after being in such a dynamic for so long...part of me feels compelled to discuss medical things with her. It's the sole focus in every conversation she and my sisters have.
I honestly thought I was sick for a long time and saw my mom as some great person trying to help me....but now I snapped out of it... I know I am healthy..
Terry E. wrote:yep I loved being sick because that is the only time I ever felt loved by my mother
when people asked me what I was, others were soccer players, cricketers, piano players etc,..me I would say with pride "I am a chronic bronchitic " it was my identity, it was who I was
...For a long time now I have only understood a relationship with someone else as me needing to be pitied or seek negative attention.
...for the complexity in this mental illness is staggering.
you have a very good grasp on this, you have done very well
can I ask how old you are, and do you have any siblings still living at home,
have you ever talked about this or maybe raised the possibility with your siblings
my brother with the four ear operations (at three infections the doctor said odds were over 1 in a million . ) believes I was a victim but he was not, .. our mum was very brutal and sadistic, and maybe he can't cope with reality, so I leave it
layla34 wrote:Your post resonated with me, because my mother also did injure her children for attention, but as I am now an adult, her focus shifted her attention to both trying to create (through gaslighting) and lying to others including medical personel the impression that I supposedly suffer from mental illness (paranoia). I read a while back someone wrote to me that oftentimes MSBP Moms shift from physical illness/injury to trying to simulate and lie about mental illness when the kids grow up.
But, the mental stuff that they do I actually feel on some level is worse. Now that I don't talk to my Mom, I feel like a competent person. I don't have to worry about being gaslighted or having her lie about me or try to institutionalize me. I am free!!!
As you wrote, it is something in the environment, these MSBP Moms are very dark, very hungry emotional vampires. They need to constantly feed, and over time, this will drain you mentally as well as physically. I am not surprised you felt like you had chronic fatigue syndrome. These MSBP Moms suck the life out of you.
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