Being honest with my doctor

Ok I am a high functioning paranoid schizophrenic I've always liked the effects and thought they helped me when I took adderall before I was diagnosed and started taking antipsychotics but I was also able to function without it for the most part.
Now that I'm on antipsychotics I feel I have to have my vyvanse in order to function and be alive but I've come to a point where I been taking a second dose n the afternoon so I can continue the same feeling throughout the evenings but I'm running out of my med and having to buy off the street to supplement. I have an appt with my dr tomoro to tell her that I feel I need a second dose of something in the afternoon which I've read on other forums that that is a common thing.

First I'm worried she's going to think I'm abusing it or pill shopping as my husband called it and either not give me a booster medication or she might takes off vyvanse for good.

It really does help me in so many ways yet there are a bunch of things that I still experience such as seeing signs, getting messages, having epiphanies, hearing subliminal talk, seeing things out my peripheral vision that make me take a double take, so it's like my antipsychotic isn't working completely or the vyvanse may accentuate some of these symptoms but I always having had them even when not on a stimulant.

So, i told my husband if she takes me off of vyvanse that I'll either b suicidle or will quit taking all my meds and he said then she's gonna put u in the hospital a lose lose situation.

What are the odds she hears what I have to say and gives me what I want?

My last appt with her she asked me how everything was and I said fine she said what about the magical thinking and I wAs like its gone and she was like good. A few days later I was with my BFF who knows me very well and she made me reAlize that I do still have magical thinking along with all the symptoms I listed above. I have these symptoms whether I'm On a stimulant or not. Ive taken a bunch of notes bc I seem to go blank n front of the dr so I'm wondering if I should tell her all of this. I mean it's not like it's a bad thing to have epiphanies and I think it's been engraved in my head to learn subliminal talk it just happens always have no matter what.

What do u think is going to happen I believe I need to be honest with her but I'm afraid of the outcome.

That's incredibly difficult to answer. I would hope that she'd listen to you. Take into account your experience and preferences. And work with you to make changes you're both happy with. If the magical thinking isn't a problem for you. Then perhaps it can just be considered part of "your normal." Because that's different for everyone.

Or you might get treated as The Patient and be told what to take. Or yeah, this might cross the line for her between being informed and pill shopping.

Honesty is the simplest policy. And you can say up front that you're worried how she might see this. And that you're trying to work with her to get to a comfortable place for you mentally. I have to admit though. This is me being hypocritical. It so surprised me that my doctor was willing to work with me. That I went blank too. And didn't talk through the meds I'd been thinking about. And I feel like an idiot now. So I'm biased here. It's so difficult though. Even the same doctor on a different day can behave differently.

Let us know how it goes, whatever you decide!

ThankYou! Honesty is the best policy the truth will set u free i believe. So after I posted that post I journeld everything like ten pages and just went drop it off and she was actually standing outside smoking a cig so I got to hand deliver it to her. I trust in God and will keep updated after my appt with her tomoro at 445pm central time. Lord bless all who read this message and fill the hearts with ur spirit

Text from my best friend after I told her about the note bc in it I gave the dr permission to talk to her about me and gave her her number bc she knows me very well and is heaven sent when it come to hearing Gods message she thinks so clearly...I love her...please read...

Great reading! I loved it! What book is that? About your text, there is a hotline u can call! 232-HELP
it's free and u can call any day or time! I'm glad ur trusting in The Lord to do what is right for you regarding your medicine instead of trying to manipulate the situation to get the result that you want! That is a HUGE leap of faith! Bringing dr. *name edited* the letter and being honest with her shows God that u are trusting in Him to do what is best for you! When u lie to the dr but put your trust in God, God can't help bc your not really putting your trust in Him, your putting your trust in you. But, if u put your trust in Him, you will be honest bc you know that God won't put u in a situation where you have to lie! I'm so proud of you! And now that you are being honest with the dr AND trusting in The Lord, the dr will be able to truly help you! Yeah! I'm looking forward to hearing what she says!

You have an amazing friend there. Such a helpful way of seeing it. I hope the appointment goes well!

Ok so the appt went well. She wasn't mad that I was taking two doses and even asked me y do u think u r abusing it and I told her how if it were n my reach I'd take a third later n the day so she said we'd try concerta! And also she still knows how I'm still experiencing all my shmpts but they are not telling me to do bad things so it's ok.

Oh that's good news! Is the concerta as well as the vyvanse? Or is it a substitution to see if it works better throughout the day instead of needing topping up?

I'm very happy to hear that things went well with your doctor. I too am of the opinion that honesty is the best policy. I have found that ever since I have been more open and honest with my doctor, the more effective my sessions with her are and the more I am helped by medication changes and feeling empowered to have a voice in the psych office.

*mod edit*

After finding myself In the psych hospital I came to accept that I don't need a stimulant as much as it helps me it only hurts me ten times more.