Our partner

Sexually Frustrated!

Open Discussions about Marriage and Divorce.

Sexually Frustrated!

Postby bacroadz » Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:40 am

Hi am am brand new here and joined after reading a post.

My wife has refused to have sex with me for 23 months! I feel I am going nuts, I am angry, depressed, mad, pissy, hurt, you name it. She has allowed me to orally please her 3 times in the last 23 months but will not even touch me and now she refuses to let me do that "because that would be giving me something" WHAT?!

When we dated sex was nearly daily and oral a few times a week. Then we got married in 10/2005 and I haven't had oral since 2006 and sex only came every other month 5-7 times a year instead of 5-7 times a week I had become use to.

I've rubbed her back and she says how good it feels and I make a move and she asked what the freak are you doing...

Access denied, is all I ever get, absolutely nothing.

I do all the vacuuming, most of the cooking (since 2010)trying to take stress off her

A few months ago I broke down and asked if there was anything I could do that would allow her to be intimate with me and she said "I think you have unrealistic expectations of our relationship" Yeah, call me stupid for wanting sex with my wife and mother of my 3 1/2 year old. She has given into sex twice since 11/2009.

I am going out of my mind! i have never been so sexually frustrated in my life. I have offers from other women and I am finding it more difficult to keep turning offers down.

Help!
bacroadz
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:09 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 7:44 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby Im-pure » Sun Jan 12, 2014 8:38 pm

maybe you could try an open relationship if she agrees?
it works for some couples...
Im-pure
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 3568
Joined: Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:55 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby yoyomom » Sun Jan 12, 2014 9:09 pm

Do the two of you have communication problems? I was thinking if you'd actually tried truly talking to her. Not in an accusational tone, but just a nice and quiet honest talk. Where you tell her how it hurts you, how much you love her and miss being intimate with her.

I mean.. It sounds kind of odd that the two of you have gone from such an active sexlife to more og less nothing. I also can't help thinking if she could be suffering from depression? Or what about post partum depression that could have spiraled into an ongoing depression? Thats a problem I've had myself. My depression has totally quenched my need for sex. Also having kids often change a lot of things, sex-wise.

I absolutely think the two of you need to have a long, serious and honest talk.. This isnt working for any of you, obviously!
yoyomom
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2014 10:43 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:44 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby bacroadz » Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:02 pm

We talk and talk, she usually ends it saying this is going nowhere or we are just beating a dead horse.

She says I walk around angry or mad at her more often than not. I told her yes I am angry, I have not had sex in nearly two years and haven't had oral since 2008, I am hulk angry, but I still do little things to let her know I love her and care about her. I can and do set aside my hostility and sexual frustration, for weeks or even a month and then make moves on her only to be told this isn't leading to sex or this isn't going where you want it to.

We have had very long talks, We had one yesterday, She says she is not that person anymore and we will never have sex like we use to again. She stated that she had never had anyone ask her to trim or shave down there (which she did all during 2004-2006) and no one had ever spread her legs far apart and spent that much time down there kissing on her or massaging her down there, that it was too dramatic an felt like a doctors exam or a violation. (this was yesterday she told me this) I wish she had said something during the the two years she allowed it. Said said if we ever did get back to where we did have sex it would be missionary only, no more legs this way or that, no more on her knees or standing up or me standing up holding her off the floor in my arms, no more up against the wall, or on roof tops... She said if we ever got back to the point where we were to have sex she just wanted plain and simple missionary and no more oral. ( well isn't that is something to look forward to)

I came onto her one night by kissing here and kissing her neck and placed my hand ( on top of her clothing) on her thigh near her crotch, and she jumped up and said she felt violated. I have asked her since she will not have any form of sex with me if she would let me see her private area to help me out. she refuses and thinks that is odd behavior.

She never had post partum depression. She still wants sex, but with her toys. I placed a note in her nightstand several months back with her vibrator and dildo lube and it stated, please use me instead, I love you and miss you. She went off on me and said that was her private things and that she felt violated and the fact that I had touched them she was never going to use them again and was trowing them away. We had toys and those toys and she had me use them on her back when we use to have sex regularly in 2004 and 2005.

She use to give me oral weekly at the very least now she says that is just something women do to try to please a man or to get them, that no woman like having to do that. I know differently, I have had women tell me they loved it and could tell my their enthusiasm.


I am athletic and above average in looks and in male member size. I have never ever just had plain ordinary sex, I have never ever gone this long without intimacy or sex in my adult life. There are only a couple of my ex's that haven't wanted to get back with me for just sex.

I feel I am dying inside.
Last edited by bacroadz on Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
bacroadz
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:09 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 7:44 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby bacroadz » Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:19 pm

Im-pure wrote:maybe you could try an open relationship if she agrees?
it works for some couples...


I told her I didn't care if that was what she was doing but to give me the same respect and allow me to to the same and she could be free to see whomever she wanted as long as it didn't interfere with our 3 year olds well being. like no overnight guests and such. she said that wouldn't be a marriage, and I said neither is the way we are living.
bacroadz
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:09 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 7:44 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby jonahf » Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:11 am

This is really strange behavior on her part. Before her marriage she was fine going intimate with you but after marriage she feels violated? Did she went through some bad experience that she hadn't shared with you? I think an experienced sex therapist would help you find solution.
jonahf
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 48
Joined: Thu Dec 12, 2013 3:49 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 12:44 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby MrsBean17 » Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:13 am

It almost sounds as if either some kind of trauma has happened to her recently which she has not disclosed to you

Or, and this to me seems more likely

She had some repressed memories which have come to the surface in the last years.

She may well have not come to terms with these or even realise or recognise what they are. Honestly her behaviour has to have some cause, I think it's important to try and find out what that is.

And as other people have said, try to bring it up in a non confrontational way.
MrsBean17
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2015 12:13 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 12:44 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby zachsmomnc » Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:38 pm

I can't imagine what you are going through. Like others said, there must be some reason for her change in behavior. You have no idea what caused the change?
zachsmomnc
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:27 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 7:44 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby Imnice4 » Tue Aug 25, 2015 12:45 am

I completely understand your frustration! If you can, read the book The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide by Michele Weiner Davis. It really resonated with me and it sounds like you and your wife may be having similar issues. A google search of the title will let you find chapter 1 free. Can also check deadbedroom on reddit but it tends to be more doom and gloom than positive...... Best of luck!
Imnice4
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 12:25 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:44 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Sexually Frustrated!

Postby Oregon78 » Wed Sep 02, 2015 9:16 pm

No sex for 23 months? That's ridiculous. Your marriage is seriously damaged, and if you don't know why, and she won't tell you, then you need to end it. Pretty simple to me. There's something deeply, deeply wrong with her.
Oregon78
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2015 3:03 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 4:44 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Marriage & Divorce




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest