Spacing out way too much (dissociation?)

I am a 28 year old male and have dealt with severe anxiety/depression on and off since I was a teenager. Right now i am trying to recover from a suicidal crisis and notice that I spend an awful lot of time spacing out (dissociating?). I've had some trouble getting out of bed in the morning too. I know it helps to just keep active and stay busy, but I find that it has been difficult for me to focus on just about anything because of this spacey-ness.

Are there any meds that help with this? A lot of these symptoms I feel mimic ADHD, and they do seem to improve when I am in a better groove in life, but they are still a problem. I have totaled THREE cars and gotten multiple speeding tickets, not because I was drag racing or something, but because I just spaced out. Granted two of those times were back to back while I was withdrawing from antidepressants and driving in really bad conditions (extremely icy roads) and I shouldn't have been driving in the first place... but still.

This is really embarrassing because I feel like I've struggled with it for my whole life. I'm a smart guy, I somehow got a Bachelor's degree in film studies, but sometimes I can barely follow the simplest instructions or get through half a book. Lately I tend to just lay in bed and stare, and I don't even have music on or anything. It's really bad. Any advice for dealing with spacey-ness/dissociation?

Interesting you mention ADHD...that was my first thought when I started reading this! Have you ever taken a stimulant? I've been taking Adderall for about 4 years and it is very helpful. I have a Bachelor's as well, and like you mentioned, I also have trouble following the simplest directions! Following directions is something teachers have told me I struggle with since preschool

Do you ever feel like you "don't exist?" What I mean is that you are there, but feel like you are floating in space and that you are only a hologram; your mind is there but you don't feel physically real? I remember one time distinctively feeling like that when I was 10. It's really weird! Hope to chat soon

I've never taken a stimulant because I was never diagnosed with ADHD and it is hard to get stimulants otherwise (so I hear). Like I said, the symptoms do improve when I am happier, but they are still a big problem. I describe these symptoms to a doctor and they always go the antidepressant route because they've always been treating me for depression/anxiety. I've been on every modern (non-TCA/MAOI) antidepressant out there except for Lexapro, Paxil, and Viibryd. I am witching from Celexa to Cymbalta tomorrow, the latter of which I had good results with in the past. Cymbalta is sometimes used off-label to treat ADHD, so we'll see what happens.

Re: Feeling like I "don't exist" - yes, I have felt that way at times. Sometimes I think about things like, where does my body end and the world begin, and if I'm laying very still I can sort of feel that boundary blurring. I usually snap out of it, but it is hard when I am dealing with severe depression/anxiety. Hence... meds.

Another antidepressant commonly used for ADHD is Wellbutrin; I'm also taking that as well as Zoloft. I've found that Wellbutrin helps to slow down racing thoughts and allow you to take in your environment and really see what's going on around you. The day I started it, it seemed like I could see things more in depth, like the dimensions were clearer. Hope the Cymbalta gives you good results

Yes, I've taken Wellbutrin before and it has helped. I would say of all the drugs I've tried, the ones that have been the most helpful have been Cymbalta, Wellbutrin, and maybe Effexor (I was too young when I went on this to bother paying attention to how it affected me, but I did emerge from depression after taking it for a little while) - all of which have more norepinepherine/dopamine action than regular SSRIs. Coincidence?

Today is day one on Cymbalta. Please wish me good luck.

Dissociation is strange, and hard to explain. I think the clearest definition is what someone said before, the spaciness. For me this spaciness can also be linked to complete apathy, and then feeling suicidal. Most of the time my dissociation feels like out of body experiences, which often occur when Im driving or having to socialise. Ive found that my dissociation is related to my anxiety, the more anxiety I feel, the spacier I get. So Ive found meds that help my anxiety seem to reduce my dissociation. But, beta blockers (which I use for panic attacks) have actually induced dissociation for me, which the psych has mentioned is because of the lack of blood pressure, so it may be something to consider. Hope you find something that works soon.