sexuality help!

Hello, i'm writing this because i'm in need of some advice. I would like to know what people think of my situation.

i'll introduce myself i'm 21 and i'm straight male with a girlfriend, I'm due to start university in September,and uptil recently was really loving life.

alert- i don't mean to offend anyone so please don't be offended by anything you read.

i've never questioned my sexuality not even once, i've never had any thoughts towards men, but recently i had a dream about a guy who i went to college with. in the dream i walked into the room and he was like 'okay then' 'lets do this' and he was trying to imply oral sex towards me. but in my dream i think i was getting him confused a little with my girlfriend as i was like 'after this whole time we've been together i've only just realised that we are both males' 'but that's wrong' then i woke up. I felt a bit weird for dreaming that but thought nothing of it, i've never really had a lot of sexual experiences with my girlfriend as she doesn't want to, i'm a virgin and so is she but that is fine for me, we have tried some foreplay and stuff but thats about it. i'm fine with that (if that makes any diffence to this entry). but yeah i thought that dream was weird but, but that was it. about 3-4 weeks later i went out with my friends to a bar, and while i was there some guy asked me if i was gay. i replied with 'no' and he was like 'oh fair enough' then i thought nothing of it. i went back to sleep that night and i dreamt about another guy that i know. I dreamt we was hugging and he told me he loves me, i was like well i'm sorry but i love my girlfriend and then i went straight to my girlfriend who was just up the road in that dream. Then after that i was like what i've had 2 dreams about males and i starting thinking, what if i was gay. and this thought just went around and around in my head for ages. I haven't even thought of any males in a sexual way in my life, so i have no idea why my brain took these events so badly but it did. Anyway that thought was going around and around all night it was the only thing i could think of and i just couldn't sleep for thinking. The reason that it was hard to get this out my head was that i didn't want it to be true as i've never thought about men like that, and i really don't want to.

i finally got an hour of sleep before i had to go to work, the first thing i thought of when i woke up was the what the 'what if i'm gay thought' and my head felt like it was going to explode. i just couldn't think of anything else all day and i mean all day. i was looking at guys trying to see if i found them attractive. The head ache got some bad i decided to take some tablets, but they didn't really do much. I went to get something to eat that day and i just couldn't eat. i went home that day and i was so worried, that i told my mum . to cut a long story short, my head is still aching mostly all day everyday since then, which is 4 days. Each of these 4 days, most if not all of my thinking has been about it, it can't seem to shift, these unwanted thoughts/worries. its really been making my life hell each day of these 4 days i have hardly eaten. it's really making my life not worth living, i'd rather be asleep, so i don't have to suffer the whole day.

The thoughts are making me look at every men i see and see if i find them attractive and the same with females to make sure i still find them attractive, its literally all i think about atm. I have no problem with people who are gay or bi, but for me personally i don't want that kind of relationship. I'm sure if i was gay or bi, the thoughts would seem natural and not intrusive and wouldn't make my head hurt as much as it does. but i have read about HOCD and it does seem like i could have that, but i seriously never looked at man in my whole life in a sexual way and if i was gay i would have know it or felt different, but i never have. i've been turned on by woman my whole life.

like i said it really in ruining my life, i don't want to have these thoughts and i would rather be on my own than with someone of the same sex. my head is killing all the time and i'm hardly eating and its all i can think about. If i was truly bi or gay the thoughts most definitely would feel natural and not intrusive. Furthermore as i talked about it with my mum, to which she says she wouldn't mind either way, it would have made me happier, but it doesn't because i don't think its true nor do i want it to be. But the thoughts are killing my head, its not me and i want to be back to my normal self.

Do you people think this could be HOCD? what should i do? i'm starting uni soon and will be leaving home, how can i deal with living on my own along with how i feel, and the head pain?. i really don't think i'm gay or bi because surely i would have known in some way. but i never have or never want to be.

again i don't mean to offend people at all because that really isn't what i was trying to do, if people are gay or bi i'm totally fine with it if that's for them. But for me personally it isn't, and if it was i wouldn't be in all this pain. oh i forgot to mention that i've been really happy with my girlfriend and my life has felt the best it'd ever been and i've never questioned that, all the time i spent with her was amazing, but recently she hasn't seem interested in me, but am with her very much so. which caused argument by me asking why she isn't that interested as much anymore ( which i think could be to do with her ex and her getting hurt, but that's a different story) i just thought i'd mention that to give you some more information about me,

any help or anything would be nice because, losing weight from not eating is a bonus, but in all seriousness this need to be fixed.

Hey, David. I went through something similar and one day excepted that I was bisexual. My advice is to not sweat it and just be attracted to whomever your attracted to. I remember having the "maybe I'm gay" thoughts being confused because I'm not attracted to most men and when I think of my a romantic future it's always a woman. However I'm still attracted to some men. It's more emotional than sexual I guess; which isn't to say that it isn't sexual or that emotions aren't involved with women. It's kind of nice to be in an emotional relationship with a guy.


Hell, the first crush I ever had was on a boy when I was 15. I had liked girls before, but I obsessed over this guy. I was super confused but I realized that I liked him and then one day told all my friends and then eventually him. It didn't turn out the way I wanted, but it's liberating to finally admit that you're attracted to your own gender.

Sexual attraction is on a continuum. Meaning that it isn't an all or nothing thing; it's to what degree. Some men are attracted mostly to guys but every now and then they see a woman that they can't get out their minds and vice versa. A scale of 1-5. 5 being only being attracted to your own gender, 1 being only attracted to the opposite sex and 3 being equally attracted to both sexes. I know when people think of bisexuals they think of an equal attraction to both sexes but that usually isn't the case.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but you can be pretty much a straight man who had a sex dream about some guy. It doesn't mean your gay or bisexual. I've had sex dreams about women I find repulsive. It's not uncommon to have a sex dream about someone you wouldn't have sex with.

I agree with this. Sexuality is very much on a continuum and it's never black and white. Also, dreams can be really bizarre sometimes. I once had a sexual dream about a very unattractive couple who used to live next door. In my dream they both had sex with me. I even had an orgasm. Did this mean that I was attracted to them? No. Did this mean that I would have sex with them in real life? No. The fact is that we often incorporate the day's thoughts and events into a dream, plus stimuli that we have seen subliminally - from TV, the internet, and things we have seen or read when out and about. Our brains can scramble them up, as it files through the events, sifting through what can be discarded and forgotten about, and what needs to be remembered. This can result in a strange, scrambled, mixed up dream. I often blushed when I saw my neighbours knowing that there was NO way on earth that I would ever even want to act out my dream.

In your case, if you are wondering whether or not you may have issues concerning your sexuality, talking things through with a therapist can help you to get a clearer perspective. I believe that we often fall in love with the PERSON, and not the gender.

'riot-

You do seem to have had some curious dreams, but I'd be very cautious about making too much of them. For example, I am certain I have no interest in bestiality, but a couple of years ago I spent some time around horses, and had a number of dreams involving horses in some sexual ways. Thoughts get jumbled in a dream, and unrelated matters get juxtaposed in odd ways.

I think a lot of gay men- women seem more accepting of it- have a difficult time coming to terms with their sexuality. Even though gay men don't figure in my sexual horizons, they generally seem to have nicer personalities to me than most hetero males (I particularly felt that way a few years ago when I was in college- less so today I think). That may have been due to a lack of sexual tension that so often was in the background with straight men.

I do wonder about someone your age having a "girl friend" and still being a virgin. Seems to me to be a contradiction in terms. That may have something to do with her distancing herself a bit as of late. Getting gonads to gonads puts a different spin on a relationship.

I do suggest you find a qualified therapist/psychologist to discuss your situation with. And consult an allopathic physician about the headaches. It's not clear to me the headaches are related to your sexual issues, but they cannot be pleasant to deal with.