I'm already going to a Psychiatrist, the 3rd one actually, the first one left after my first visit with him, and a few months into working with the second one I got a letter saying she was leaving too. Now I'm with a lady who doesn't know my name yet and likes to tell me the other doctors were wrong because I don't 'look' crazy. But she did nothing but up my medications and add more to them. So I really don't believe a word she says.
I'm currently on 3mg a day Risperidone, 150mg a day Trazodone, and 10mg a day Celexa/Citalopram. I've having less hallucinations and more sleep, and that's all I've noticed different. Everything else is the same and I feel like a zombie because of the Risperidone, and the Trazodone makes me groggy I think. Because I rarely feel rested but I do sleep plenty since I've been on it.
Anyway I have told my last two Dr's the concerns I have with the meds and they kept/keep telling me to give it more time.
I think I have panic attacks? Something will usually set it off. A movie, an experience, seeing someone, there is usually a trigger. I feel like I'm in mortal danger, I feel hysterical - but I keep it inside unless I'm alone. It goes on for hours usually. I feel scared for my life, or others. The last time it happened was when I was watching the movie Knowing and happened to get a text from someone who's number I didn't have at the time, with them saying something about the world ending soon to freak me out - well it really worked.
And many days I just feel like I'm about to explode, like right now. I feel like crying, hurting myself, hurting others, tearing something up and just screaming my lungs out, I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin. And I feel this way a lot.
The thing is I have no idea how to calm myself when these episodes happen. Any time I mention it's still going on to the Dr(s) I get prescribed a new medication, told I should try a new med with my current ones or told just to keep taking the current ones and seeing of it gets better. My current Dr actually pulled out a mental illness book by the look of it and asked me a question every few minutes, then looked up what my answer meant and then told me. I could use google for that.
I DO have a problem with substance abuse, mostly alcohol, and when I'm feeling this way or having what I think are the panic attacks I really want to drink, smoke, snort SOMETHING just because I don't know what else to do.
I started abusing before I went to doctors for help, because I am so numb emotionally and I can sort of feel when I do drink or do drugs.
The latest Dr. printed out the assessment from the Doc before her and it said I was Schizophrenic, an unspecified psychotic disorder and then something that said it was undisclosed.
Obviously I'm a little frustrated with my doctors and I just want to know for right now what I can actively do when I'm having these breakdowns, it's unbearable. And I'm terrified to talk to family or friends about it because they always end up throwing it back in my face down the road any time I do open up. I tried explaining to a friend last night why I wasn't going out with her and her friends (because I was having a anxiety episode) and she exploded on me about being selfish and having excuses every time she wants me to do something with her, which usually includes her creepy roommates or a bar.
And sorry if this is the wrong area to post.