First time poster here, so be gentle. I'll try to keep this short and answer any questions asked to clarify any statements I make. I am not a doctor, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn last night.
My girlfriend has not been officially diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder. But, the evidence/characteristics are unbelievably and overwhelming present on every single level. From the stories on this forum, quizzes, example behavior, etc., she IS the definition of HPD or whatever they want to classify it as. It's funny (interesting funny not ha ha funny) that I've been reading Emotional Vampires and several other items and any quiz or examples they give it's almost an 80% match. Meaning that at least 80% of the questions that would indicate the presence of HPD are a yes. One "quiz" I saw had 50 questions. Only needing 18 to qualify, she was a yes on 40 of them! Plus, if I were to detail examples of her behavior, you'd all be certain I was the crazy one for even considering staying with her. Lots of details there that I will skip for now.
Additionally, the characteristics of people HPD's partner with I have been officially diagnosed with. Rescuer mentality, etc. I am not a therapist and even the info/stats above do not indicate she has it. I understand that fully. I'd like to think I am fairly logical and objective person (work in IT...if that matters), but I have my own rose colored glasses I see things through as well. Basically, I know I'm messed up as well and do not share this information to say I'm better than anyone else. I'm getting better in my own way everyday, but I had to vent about a few things here.
So here goes...I'm just going to share fact points from here on in and see what others think... here goes...
- We live together.
- I have attempted to break up with her several times and leave the home.
- She has attacked me physically, threatened to burn all my stuff repeatedly, threatened to kill herself and tried to kill herself at least 3 times when trying to leave.
- While she never succeeded (she even researched certain meds to know how many to take without dying), she still threatens to this day to kill herself if I leave.
- She is seeing a therapist.
Facts mixed with my own views
I mentioned to her that she might want to bring up the HPD to her therapist. I even contacted her therapist explaining her suicide attempts. The therapist stated that if she was acting that way to take her to a hospital emergency room. So, one day we were out driving somewhere and arguing as always. She told me to pull the car over in the middle of an interstate and let her out. I refused. She grabbed the steering wheeling repeatedly jerking it violently and cutting the ignition at least 3 different times forcing me to pull over, but never quite completely stopping. I physically had to pry her hands off the steering wheel and wound up repeatedly punching her in the arm to get her to stop jumping on the wheel. We had narrowly avoided running up under the back of a semi-trailer and into several other cars. So, I headed toward the nearest hospital. As we approached the hospital, she kept screaming at me to take her home so that she could take all her pills and die. Once we were closer to the hospital, she quickly turned off the ignition again. And when I was able to start it back, she literally opens the door and tries to get out of a moving vehicle (going about 15 mph). She stumbled and wound up hurting her knee, but refused medical help because she feared I would tell them about her other behavior. While this is a more extreme example, I have dozens of others that would leave the most people slack jawed in amazement.
OK, so back to her "therapist". I suggested that she mention the HPD to her therapist, but she had to tell them the whole story. She had not shared with her really any significant details that ever really described her actual behavior when I attempted to leave. She had also not told her that she had threatened to kill herself if I did. So, she goes to see the therapist and finally after much persuading on my side tells her that I've tried to leave several times and she has said if I do she will kill herself. So, when she gets back from therapy, I asked her if she had told the therapist. She had and relayed to me her therapist response that left me stunned. The therapist said that the reason she does that is that she sees me as a god. I am not kidding. I was amazed. She certainly does NOT treat me like a god.
My point is... I believe she has manipulated this therapist on a level that they do not understand. And, trust me... she is AMAZING at manipulating people. I mean she has a 4 year old daughter that is her mirror image. Yes, the behaviors aren't as extreme, but anyone that thinks that this stuff is not genetic is kidding themselves. The two of them would make an amazing case study for nature vs. nurture. Yes, I know she is only 4. But, even the teachers at her school in parent/teacher conferences said her daughter was very manipulative. I could write a book about how similar their behavior is (albeit the 4 yr old's behavior is less "evolved"). And by similar I mean both good and bad. Both of them HAVE TO BE the center of attention. Nothing less will do. If at any point they are not, they both start to "misbehave" to bring the attention back to them. The 4yr old is even highly sexual in her behavior at times. Yes, I said it for a 4 yr old. Even others have noticed it.
Well, back to my point about the therapist, I think she should see a different one altogether. I mean she's threatening to kill herself if I leave and somehow I'm a god??? I guess where I am heading is... how many of you have experienced or believe that HPDs are so good at manipulation that they can do it even to trained therapist??
Yes, I realize they are human too. But, they are supposed to look for this stuff. And it seems to me that her therapist believes I am the bad guy in this situation. Don't get me wrong. I'm frustrated, angry and several others things beyond belief at the moment. I know it's my choice to stay. I am working on slowly, but surely understanding myself better to be able to have a healthy view of myself, etc.
Anyways, I welcome clarifying questions and definitely your opinions about this. I do love her, but I can't be in this relationship much longer if I know that the help she is getting has been manipulated to believe her own BS.
Sorry for that ramble and thanks for reading.