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Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.

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My Life

Postby SirDerpyHooves » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:00 am

I've always been a lot smarter than other people, getting straight A* at school. People have always bullied me for being fat, so however I built up a strong reputation for myself by having an outward personality but shutoff my inner feelings to everyone else, including my parents. I can't hold a conversation with less intelligent people as I tend to use a very complex vocabulary. I rarely leave my room as If I talk to my family I will get in trouble for having the wrong body language or talking with ATTITUDE.

I have shut off myself, my two sources of expression are video games and My Little Pony. I have posted over 80 A3 Posters in my room of My Little Pony in my room and are deeply involved in the fandom (from music to artwork). As I am quite smart I've tried to analyse myself psychotically. I believe I watch My Little Pony as a substitute for the lack of real friend I have, and involve myself and relate to the fandom as a way to boost my confidence by giving myself a sense a feeling of belonging.

I have also found I have an multiple personality disorder, but only one is presented publicly however when in my room I have experienced several bi-polar personalities, an extremely disturbing sociopath personality that come up with extremely disturbing fantasies and I notice when observing this personality my facial muscles greatly tense on one side, other personalities are more repressed but one is deeply physiological and allows me to analyse situations and allow near real life fantasies. I often talk with my sociopath personality when In deep anger or sorrow however I have complete control over it. My dominant personality is quite shy but very dangerous if attacked physically or if my family or friend is insulted.

How can I overcome this situation and just incase this is asked I listen to mainly electronic music mainly house, compextro and I also listen to metal and hiphop.
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Re: My Life

Postby Blackcurrant » Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:40 pm

First off : I'm with you buddy, isolation is a bitch and those concerned know it ! You're not alone ! If coping in your case involves fantasies, what is the issue of that ? I strongly suggest not losing touch with reality, but in case of balance and it helps - do it. Remember, it's just a passage to something better. The road might be long, but the satisfaction and knowledge that follows even longer lasting. You're planting a seed that first needs sufficient conditions in order to come out. Give the seed what it needs, and after a while it become strong enough to survive on its own. But first give it what it needs. Without a root, it can't grow. And every individual has a different prescription of how to grow.

I strongly suggest not to self diagnose because for finding the incorrect conclusions, you might assume false theories and wind up in fatal confusion. Besides, if ever self medicated as a consequence, you might even worsen symptoms.

Ask a pro. Other thing, is there a reason for claiming yourself intelligent yet self diagnosing with severe disorders ? I do not consider myself smart but I'm surprised of the missing awareness of the risk of doing that.

And why your lack of modesty ? Personally, I admire those who see how relative IQ is on different domains. Being self proclaimed smart, I didn't expect that from your behalf.

If any of this came over as offensive, disrespectful, selfish or blameworthy of any kind, I'm aware of my possibly unreasonable social behaviour and apology for the inconvenience. Having frequent waves of a certain low self esteem myself, I fully understand and respect ones insecurities.
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Re: My Life

Postby stivens » Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:36 pm

Incredible response! Just adding my $1.50 (I know it used to be 2 cents but I had to adjust my figures due to inflation and the fact that I don t have to add any actual money). . .

I know how it feels to be picked on for certain things and the feelings of isolation that follow and have even dabbled with the "elitist mentality". . . it just didn't work for me. We can be our worst enemy and usually, we are - maybe it's just me, how nice would that be?! BUT, of all the labels and expectation we may place on ourselves on a daily basis - psychiatric disorders can't be one of them. It's always good to be introspective and to be proactive at improving how you feel. No one here, or really anywhere online, will have an exact formula for you to follow but a good starting point is always with a professional, especially if you suspect it could be something else.

By the way, don't worry if someone you are talking to is unintelligent - just smile.
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